Notes to Serafina

I set up a new tumblr blog today.

Notes to Serafina will be a very personal blog, meant to elicit further communication on specific topics with my beloved slave/wife Serafina.

You see, Serafina is a slave in training.

Yes, we have been together now for close to a decade, that anniversary will pass next year.  So it might seem strange to some that I'd call her a "slave in training" let alone dare to imply that I'm really just getting started with exploring her submission.

That's all true, so please let me explain.

For starters, we were only properly married last year.  Familial responsibilities as caregivers to a sick parent have been in the background (and sometimes the foreground) throughout our entire time together.  Our relationship has always been my primary interest, but my attention was always divided due to my role as a caregiver.

That has all changed.   My Mother passed away a few months ago.

Losing a parent is always difficult.  I'd been especially close to Mom due to my role as her caregiver.  Serafina had stepped in as Mom's primary caregiver for the last few years, so despite inevitable differences inherent in having to sell our own home and move everything, not to mention the many sacrifices inherent in caring for an individual who's not well enough to be alone, they got along well.

We've had time for remembrance and reflection.  We've had time for grief.  Now it's time to fully explore everything we've ever imagined this blog to be about.

I am always aspiring to be learning and growing, but my familial responsibilities certainly stifled our growth as a couple, as well as putting dampers on the Master/slave aspects of our relationship.  Dominant or submissive, nobody is going to feel properly expressive of their sexuality when, in the back of your mind, you know one ring of the intercom could send everyone scurrying to the emergency room.

Without those caregiver responsibilities hovering over us, Serafina will now be very much in a position where she gets her just reward for being so supportive and helpful these last few years.  She's getting more and more of my undivided attention.  I'm free to fully express my dominance.  Her proper "training" has become my primary responsibility.

PS - One final note, everybody deserves to know why I put the word "training" in quotations in that last paragraph.  But, you'll have to wait for my next essay @ SpiritualBDSM.com for that explanation.

exemplary actions

We've started discussing some of the side issues regarding personal health and BDSM in previous posts here at the SpiritualBDSM blog.  Issues our community faces include but are not limited to: the common use of hazardous chemicals such as phylates in dildos and vibrators, the unsafe nature of leather toys for internal use, the many problems inherent in products made in China, as well as the age old issue that all non-monogamous humans must face - sexually transmitted disease.

Although I always do my best to make blog entries here interesting, these aren't especially engaging topics.  None of these are sexy to think about.  For sure, nobody is going to masturbate to thoughts on these topics.  Not to mention that they are not very likely to draw new readers to our blog.  In fact, these topics are likely to alienate readers looking for more titillating postings about the very exciting aspects of BDSM.

So why write these kind of posts?  Why not just write about the fun and exciting aspects of BDSM?  Don't we want more readers?

Obviously, Serafina and I think they are important topics for discussion or contemplation.  They get written despite being a little uncomfortable and potentially uninteresting for some readers.  They get written because they are very necessary to our mission of not just entertaining, but also educating.

Thankfully, we are not alone. There is little or no regulation in the sex toy industry, but there are manufacturers who "self-regulate" and go out of their way to provide quality products that are not only safe, but are made here in the USA.  Manufacturers of this sort are not only providing safe toys for adult fun, they are also providing jobs and contributing to our country's economy.

With that in mind, I'd like to give one domestic toy maker a tip of my cap, a nod of serious recognition, for their policies and products.

That company is Tantus.
 

We don't want to go on at too great a length about Tantus products in this posting.  We have a good number of their toys in our collection, and they all deserve their own reviews.  We made most of our Tantus toy purchases direct from the manufacturer, so Tantus also deserves their own vendor review.

For now we'll just say that Tantus has been making silicone toys here in the US since 1998.  And, as the tag line of the entertaining videos that accompany their product listings usually says: "Tantus Toys are hypoallergenic, hygienic, phthalate free, odorless, tasteless, boilable, bleachable and even dishwasher safe."

Tantus seems to have a great company philosophy, which we applaud.  Here's a verbatim re-posting of fairly brief note from the Tantus website about the meaning of being both health and green as a manufacturer.

What does it mean to make toys healthy for the body and to be a green manufacturer?
Green has become the new tagline of just about every industry, especially in sex toys. And everything it seems is now silicone. Is it all safe? Is it all the same?
Tantus takes pride in the fact that all our products are healthy for the body and made using processes that are healthy for the earth. We’ve been around since 1998 advocating for safer products and responsible retailing and it hasn’t been an easy ride.
So now that so much silicone is around- what makes silicone made in China different from the more expensive products (without as many whistles and bells) which are made in North America or even Germany. What difference is there in a company whose sole product line is silicone or healthy materials from factories who have it made for them in third world countries?
As a responsible manufacturer I want to know the process is clean as well as the materials. I want to know my customers are safe. I want to know that each portion of the process here at Tantus is under my control.
In 2006 the Dutch EPA did a study where they randomly chose 16 adult toys from a store. Out of those 16 tested 3 had arsenic, 6 had antimony, 12 had lead and 7 had cadmium. Cadmium is a heavy metal. Every time you expose yourself to those toys your cadmium level increases. One of the cadmium toys had levels so high that the EU would have required a radioactive sticker on the product had it known this had been imported into the continent. So what was it? The radioactive sex toy was a Chinese made Slimline vibrator made of safe ABS. The issue wasn’t what the toy was made of but what it was pigmented with. This toy was yellow and cadmium was its pigment.
When you smell a Tantus product there is no scent of chemicals— and when you walk into our shop you’ll have the same experience. We manufacture everything here in the US so we can make certain that the materials we use are safe; the solvents we use are safe and the quality is superior.
Solvents are used to clean machines, there is no way getting around it. At Tantus we use an FDA approved mineral spirit that we recycle. We pay a little more for this solvent, but it’s worth it. I didn’t mention the toluene in the Dutch EPA study but 14 or 16 products had it and what is it used for… to clean machines.
But let’s talk about silicone. Silicone is made by refining silica. Yup sand. Sand is heated and refined and heated again, etc until it becomes a liquid. There are no milk proteins here. It’s vegan as vegan can be.
And while 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone does not break down, it is completely inert. As waste it builds land mass but doesn’t pollute the land. And all silicones are not the same. There are as many different grades of silicone as there are raw silicones that are made.
But Buyer Beware— adult novelties isn’t a regulated industry.
For years products have been labeled silicone that had either negligible amounts of silicone or no silicone at all. This summer I heard a horror story of a very responsible vendor going to China to look at what was available and being asked do you want the package that says silicone or the generic one. When they ask what the toy is actually made of they were told, “No. Do you want the package that says it’s silicone or not?”
But one of the most crucial parts of being green, I think is economic sustainability. I think when someone talks about “green” they have to talk about sustainable wages. At Tantus no one who makes our products makes just $2.00 a day. We pay livable wages in a very livable city. We sustain the economy by making all of our products right here in the USA.
Green sex toys make good press. But we at Tantus are proud of our stewardship: we live responsive to our passions. We take care to make sexual products that work for the body and work for the earth.

While advertising yourself as being "green" is good marketing in some circles, there aren't many companies willing to make the kind of total commitment we see from Tantus.

Commitment to providing a green product for adults is outstanding.  That's also true for a similar commitment to a green manufacturing process.  Providing jobs at home and contributing to our shared economy is both commendable and worthy of imitation.

Which brings us back to the post's title:

ex·em·pla·ry  (g-zmpl-r) adj.1. Worthy of imitation; commendable: exemplary behavior.2. Serving as a model.

affiliate link - JT's Stockroom - vendor review

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it's big and it's black - must be Friday - SALE! SALE! SALE!

I'm not sure if the phenomena occurs in the rest of the world, but here in the USA the Friday after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year, and it's called Black Friday.  Retail stores all across the land usually reserve this day for their biggest sales events, opening their doors in the middle of the night, hoping to attract as many customers as possible for themselves.  It sounds like a cliche, but in this case it is also true - the tough economy this year has made the competition even more fierce than normal.

That is a very good thing for shoppers.

Although the majority of sex toy purchases are made online, rather than from a brick and mortar retail locations, adult toy makers are certainly getting in on the Black Friday frenzy in a big way.  All week long my email in-box has been inundated with sales announcements, and most of the sales include the biggest discounts I've seen this year.

Here is a brief sampling of great savings opportunities from vendors we frequent:

Tantus, maker of fine Silicone sex toys is offering 40% off everything - coupon code PREHOLIDAY40.
The Black Friday sale at Liberator is a site wide 25% discount - use the coupon code LOVE.
The discount at For Your Nymphomation is also 25% - coupon code BlackFriday.
Over at Eden Fantasies everything is 20% off - code HOLIDAY.

SheVibe is offering a slightly different sale, their's is for Cyber Monday.  On November 28th customers purchasing more than $200 in merchandise can get an extra 10% discount on SheVibe's rock bottom prices by using the code CYBER10.

There are also some discounts that are more generic holiday sales type events.  For instance, Mr S Leather is offering free shipping on all orders over $50 made by December 19th.

Happy Thanksgiving image from email to MR-S-Leather customers.

DISCLAIMER - We do not currently associated with, and are not affiliates of, the vendors or websites listed in this posting. We have not received any compensation for this post.

happy Thanksgiving . . .

I wish I could say that the picture was an original, but it's something I found on tumblr . . . 

Happy Thanksgiving to all our friends, both new and old, near and far.

Not In Your Mouth

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what is hepatitis? . REALLY??

Today's topic is not a comfortable one for general conversation.  Perhaps that makes the post even more important in the educational sense, even if it's not especially fun or sexy to write.  It's time to tackle a growing health threat that might not commonly be considered a sexually transmitted disease, although it certainly can be spread through sexual activity.  The topic is viral hepatitis.

Alphonse Gabriel Capone

STDs are a subject that carry a certain personal poignancy.  Back in the 1930's, my paternal Grandfather suffered from the same sexually transmitted disease as infamous mobster Al Capone.  Grandpa Eugene had Neurosyphilis, an infection of the brain or spinal cord that occurs in people who have had untreated syphilis for many years. Eugene died in a sanatorium from the disease, an unpleasant reminder that modern illnesses like HIV aren't the first sexually transmitted diseases that can become life threatening.

Let us start with a disclaimer of sorts - This post is about communicable diseases that can be life threatening.  While we are educated individuals who have worked in health care and related fields, we don't wish to present ourselves as medical experts.  We are simply individuals who have done our "homework" on this topic, and the quotes we will share from expert sources are a few of the fruits of that labor.

As we've stated, we are NOT physicians, and the contents of this post should NOT be used to replace a frank discussion of this subject with your own health care provider.  It's extremely important to be open and honest with your health care provider about sex, even more important if you are not monogamous, or if you live an alternate lifestyle including BDSM activities.

Ok, ready?

Let's start with the basics as told by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):

"Hepatitis" means inflammation of the liver and also refers to a group of viral infections that affect the liver . The most common types are Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, and Hepatitis C.  Viral hepatitis is the leading cause of liver cancer and the most common reason for liver transplantation. An estimated 4.4million Americans are living with chronic hepatitis; most do not know they are infected. About 80,000 new infections occur each year.

One of the most disturbing aspects of viral hepatitis is the fact that many of the individuals who carry the disease have not been diagnosed and are simply not aware they are sick.  Responsible individuals who might otherwise protect future partners with simple measures like wearing condoms and using disposable gloves for fisting and serious anal play, are still likely to spread the virus if they are unaware they are infected.  Thinking about that, I am very much reminded of the earlier stages of the AIDS epidemic.

Here are some more specific facts about hepatitis as an STD from the CDC:

STDs and Viral Hepatitis
Hepatitis A
Transmission of Hepatitis A virus (HAV) during sexual activity occurs due to fecal-oral contact or contamination. Measures typically used to prevent the transmission of other STDs (e.g., use of condoms) do not prevent HAV transmission. Vaccination is the most effective means of preventing HAV transmission among persons at risk for infection.
Hepatitis B
Among adults seeking treatment in STD clinics, as many as 10%–40% have evidence of past or current Hepatitis B virus (HBV) infection. Many of these infections could have been prevented through universal vaccination during delivery of STD prevention or treatment services. A study of adults diagnosed with acute Hepatitis B found that 39% had sought care or been screened for an STD before they were infected with HBV, indicating a significant missed opportunity to vaccinate at-risk persons when they first access STD prevention or treatment services.
Hepatitis C
Although not common, Hepatitis C virus (HCV) can be transmitted through sexual activity. The factors found to be associated with sexual transmission of HCV are sex with multiple partners, presence of other STDs, or sex with trauma. Case-control studies have reported an association between acquiring HCV infection and exposure to a sex contact with HCV infection or exposure to multiple sex partners. Surveillance data also indicate that 15%–20% of persons reported with acute HCV infection have a history of sexual exposure in the absence of other risk factors.

Leave it to a Government agency to make important information more than a little difficult to understand.  Not only is that embarrassingly dry to read, it includes really odd language like "surveillance data". 

To put all that into more easily understood language, here's a nice summation of current knowledge regarding hepatitis as an STD, courtesy of the ubiquitous Wikipedia:

Studies show the risk of sexual transmission in heterosexual, monogamous relationships is extremely rare or even nil.  The government does not recommend condom use to prevent hepatitis C transmission in long-term mutually monogamous relationships. However, for not well understood reasons, the risk of transmission is higher if one has multiple sex partners and condom use is recommended. Vaginal penetrative sex is believed to have a lower risk of transmission than sexual practices that involve higher levels of trauma to anogenital mucosa (anal penetrative sex, fisting, or use of sex toys).  For these reasons, condom use is highly recommended for those who engage in anal sex play or other sex acts likely to cause bleeding or damage mucosal linings.

Like it or not, it's always good to be properly armed with information . . .

Pamela Anderson

One example of a celebrity who potentially contracted hepatitis from sexual activity is Pamela Anderson (aka Pamela Anderson Lee or Pamela Lee.)   Like my darling Serafina, Pamela is originally from Canada.

Anderson has publicly stated that she contracted the Hepatitis C virus from former spouse and Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee.  The most likely source of Anderson's infection is from sharing tattoo needles, but it's not impossible to imagine that it could have just as easily been transmitted during sexual activity.

Let's be sure we are clear - fear of contracting hepatitis is no reason to become celibate or avoid sexual activities you enjoy.  Abstinence is no real answer.  With that in mind, please remember it's just necessary to play a little smarter.

Vaccinations are available for types A and B, and they appear to be a good choice for individuals who have multiple partners.  This is especially true for individuals who enjoy activities like rimming and anal sex that are more likely to spread this virus.  Condom use is suggested for at risk individuals, and dental dams should be considered for rimming.

For more information, or to get answers on any further questions you may have on this topic, we strongly suggest a frank discussion with your health care provider.