about this morning

My darling slave/wife wrote this morning about seeing a glance of disapproval as I left the house earlier today.  I'd be the first to admit it was there, but not for the reason she might have thought . . .  

My darling Serafina,

I hope that by now you realize I wasn't upset with you earlier today.  I was simply "off put" for a moment, and, rather than being mad at you, I was upset with myself for having failed to give better instructions.

I do cherish our normal rituals in the morning, the goodbye kiss as I go out the door, the wave I get from you as I put the car in drive.  I should simply have asked you to delay hopping in the tub for 5 minutes until our ritual was complete.  There was plenty of hot water available to make up for the minor cooling the tub would experience in that time . . .  

I failed to think ahead to realize that giving you permission to hop in the tub immediately, I was depriving myself of the joy of our normal rituals.  That is always a sacrifice, not seeing your face at the door as I leave, but some days it's more of a sacrifice than others.  Today, that kiss at the door, that wave goodbye, would have been priceless.

But, the fact that I didn't get everything I wanted this morning, was in no way a failing on your part, instead it was a lack of foresight and planning on my part.  My leadership failed, not your service.  My mind was already off thinking about my work partners, thinking about this afternoon's meeting.

I trust you so implicitly, that when I'm distracted like that, you might be asking anything from a request for cash to cover household expenses to permission to put a pool in the back yard, I just say yes and don't even think another thought.

I know I preach mindfulness to you, and today I was not mindful.  The best leaders lead by example, and in that I failed us both today.  That was my realization upon seeing you reclined in the soothing warm water as I rushed off to my work.  Top that off with the fact that I suddenly realized I wasn't getting my expected goodbye, and you can fully well understand why you saw a grimace rather than a grin.

In the end, none of that is vitally important, it's all only a single moment, now past . . .