jump into the deep end not knowing how to swim

A few days back, while sharing tea and breakfast with my wife/slave Serafina, I was wandering around tumblr and happened across the striking image that accompanies this post.

Upon asking for Serafina's honest reaction, I learned this how my beloved feels on the rare occasions she might perceive that I am angry or displeased with her in some way: naked, exposed, trembling, fearful, wanting to hide, wanting to cry.

My wife/slave is profoundly submissive, not to mention exceptionally thoughtful, compassionate, empathetic, service oriented, and (of course) obedient.  With such a serendipitous combination of traits, guaranteed to arouse and seduce my dominance, it's very rare indeed that she would displease me.

I love to have Serafina trembling, feeling anticipation and excitement, and yes the occasional anxious arousal that comes with knowing that she belongs to a man who enjoys gently pushing her limits.

While I'm not interested in having her tremble because she perceives any genuine anger, there are very rare occasions where a slave/wife misbehaves and requires correction, and feeling a butterfly in her stomach at the prospect of receiving such instruction is quite desirable.

If you are the kind of individual who understands the subtle differences between those feelings, who is interested in the dynamic behind a very real 24/7 Master/slave relationship as lived by a pair of consenting and mature adults, you are welcome to join us (virtually) as we document our journey.

The title of this post refers to the great leap of faith my slave/wife made in allowing herself to become captivated and mastered, as she had no experience and very little knowledge of the path which she choose.  My beloved really and truly did jump into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.

how's that working for ya?

Swine Flu Influenza A
H1N1 Virus Electron Micrograph 
by CDC scientists
CDC/PHIL ID 11214

I woke up this morning laid low by by what I am guessing is a flu virus.  I have all the classic flu symptoms, fever, headache, body aches, tight chest and dry cough.

Since I am not sparing you, my dear reader, any of the gory details, I also need to mention that it feels as though a bunch of garden gnomes had a wild party in my sinuses last night.

With the fever and headache leaving me in some kind of quasi-delirium, I decided that as a dominant I should simply command and will the virus away into oblivion. At this point, Dr Phil appeared in my visions, and the good doctor asked how that was workin' for me!

I'm sure you already know the outcome, in fact you are probably laughing a little at my hubris. I'm laughing a bit at myself, so really, it's ok to have a chuckle at a Master's expense.

Which leads me to the real point of this morning's short essay . . .

One big mistake many inexperienced would be dominants make is to assume that a submissive will submit to anybody that styles themselves to be some kind of dominant or Master. They read online about individuals who have a "slave heart" and make the mistake of thinking that means the slave will automatically succumb to any dominant who crosses their path.

Then, adding insult to the injury, when the self styled dominant isn't instantly obeyed, they often lash out. In the classic example, the would be dom ends up saying the person who wouldn't obey them must either be a bad submissive, or even no kind of submissive at all.

I've got a bit of news for this kind of so called dominant, just because you will it to be done, just because you command it be done, that doesn't necessarily make it so. Most submissives will respond to a random dominant's commands about as well as the virus that's plaguing me. If the self-styled dom is lucky he'll be ignored, if he's not, well then I'd expect that there very well be some laughing at his expense.

Submissives really are living breathing human beings with their own beautiful minds. They are not doormats, nor do they respond to commands like a robot. If they are collared or otherwise in a relationship with a dominant, it could very well be seen as an act of disobedience or disrespect to their Master/Mistress if they let some other random individual give them commands.

And while the thought of having submissives throwing themselves at your feet might be attractive to the would be dominant, that's just fantasy cannon fodder. In real life we tend to appreciate things that require an effort to achieve, so I'm afraid life would be rather boring if it took no effort at all to engage somebody's submission.

Things that come without effort are usually considered disposable, and my slave/wife is anything but disposable to me. She obeys me far better than any other creature on this planet (especially your run of the mill flu virus) not because I am some super dominant in her eyes, but because I have earned her respect, her trust, her love, and her submission.

Dungeon Fungeon & the difference between 'torment' and 'torture'

My sweet Serafina, upon occasion, reminds me of the power of the words I use. I don't want to bore you with a bunch of prattle about my business, but my slave/wife's gentle reminders are at least somewhat ironic, because writing and communications are my trade.

I'm very much used to using powerful words to convey messages, illustrate needs, not to mention words designed to help create desires. But, I occasionally need reminders simply because I use powerful words so very much that I am in danger of becoming somewhat immune to their complete effect.

I am of the belief that this is also a common phenomena with some words in use by the BDSM community.

Let's explore, as one example, the common use of the word "dungeon", if you are willing to indulge me for a moment.

I'm currently drafting a future blog entry about renovations we've undertaken here at House D'Amore.  My first draft refers to - "Two dedicated dungeon spaces on two separate floors of our home . . . " Now let's really think about that for a moment.

Wikipedia's entry on dungeons begins -

"A dungeon is a room or cell in which prisoners are held, especially underground. Dungeons are generally associated with medieval castles, though their association with torture probably belongs more to the Renaissance period. An oubliette is a form of dungeon which was accessible only from a hatch in a high ceiling."

Now we all must know that even an individual who has been completely "captivated" (a term my Serafina enjoys very much) in the BDSM sense is always free to end the relationship and leave should they choose.  That's one of the basic tenets that makes Master/slave relationships a lifestyle choice and not abuse.  So perhaps the term - "Prisoner of Love" - would be a better substitute, although again it wouldn't be perfectly accurate for all BDSM relationships, since in some cases there is submission and even slavery without love.

Tomás de Torquemada

Inquisitor General of Spain  

And then there's the word "torture" creeping around the corner, to point and raise it's loaded gun into our conversation.  And while I don't rule out a little strong role-play: I'm certainly no inquisitor like Tomás de Torquemada, I've no interest in recreating water-boarding scenes from Abu Ghraib, I do not wish to become a jailer like those currently found in Guantanamo Bay, nor do I care to reenact magneto telephone tortures from a jungle scene in a hot and humid South American dictatorship.

While there are submissives who may have some kind of those torture fantasies, the number of individuals actually enacting anything approximating real torture is probably not a huge percentage of the BDSM population.  And, while it's sometimes fun to use heavily loaded terms for desired effect, those words can lose effect when they become regularly used in casual conversation.

So, I'm leaning towards using the term "Fungeon" to refer to the new BDSM play spaces we are creating in our home, even one that might appear to be made of stone so as to give the illusion of being buried deep inside some medieval castle.

Yes I do torment my sweet Serafina regularly, sometimes she'll even be driven to crawl or beg, and we do have toys designed to elicit strong sensations, not to mention electrical toys.  But there is a huge difference between the word torment, and the word torture.

Perhaps some people will think that I am worried too much about semantics, that my sense of political correctness is running rampant, but I think moving away from any regular use of the word dungeon as a euphemism for normal BDSM play spaces has a good number of positives to recommend it.

I'd believe it would even be a positive for the sadists and masochists who have a very real desire to play with fear and more extreme sensations.  Ending the casual use of the word dungeon would restore more real meaning to the word when the occasion is right for the use of such a powerful word.

As a Master, I wouldn't necessarily want my use of the word dungeon to only make my slave/wife wet.  I want my use of the word dungeon to make Serafina both scared and wet.  You can help me achieve that goal by using the word just a little more carefully too, fully well knowing the word will be more powerful if it is used carefully.

Now, if I could only find a better term than "play space" - while not linked to as powerful images as the word dungeon - it does instead elicit images of childhood - and I'm thinking that should be reserved for those folks into Lolita style roleplay.