making hay

Last year when the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomena was exploding, before I knew anything about the books other than their popularity and that they included some elements of BDSM, I gave Serafina an assignment to read the books.  I can't say it ended up being a favorite assignment for either one of us, as I had to read the books myself, and I can't say that I'm personally a fan of romance novels, which is where I'd categorize 50 Shade of Grey and it's sequels.

I'd also previously asked my slave/wife to read Laura Antoniou's Marketplace series, but she found the initial premise to be objectionable, as she found the entire concept of preparing a slave (even a consensual one) for the auction block to be more than a little bit personally distasteful.  I've long been a fan of Antoniou's writing, and have always considered the Marketplace books to be the epitome of good BDSM literature.

Just over a week ago, on Feburary 24th, I reassigned The Marketplace to Serafina for her reading lessons, asking her to get beyond her personal prejudice against a human being sold at an auction, asking her to remember that in the fictional world of the Marketplace the individuals she'd be reading about had chosen their paths quite willingly.

I'm pleased to report that my darling slave/wife has not only completed The Marketplace (including the bonus short stories included with the kindle edition) but is deep into it's sequel, The Slave.  Another year of immersion in the lifestyle has broadened her perspective enough so that she's now enjoying the series very much.

Serafina gives her submission and service to me out of love, so the thought of a slave needing to be a slave so badly that they'd essentially be willing to be auctioned off to a term of service will always be a bit foreign to her, of that I am sure.  I never found the concept disturbing, in fact if such a thing as the Marketplace had existed in real life, I'd have found a way to seek it out.  I would have aspired to be a trainer . . .

Daydreams aside, I'm rather gratified that Serafina is enjoying her current reading assignments, so gratified I wanted to share it here.  I can't even begin to say how much it pleases me to see her grow in her acceptance and understanding of all things BDSM, it makes my heart feel young again.

More Shades of Grey

Back in March, when I first began to hear a "buzz" about the Shades of Grey novels by E.L. James I was intrigued.  I asked Serafina to read the series as one of her slave assignments, and she did review the first book in April, but we've not made much special reference to the books since.

For the record, after reading the first book myself, I withdrew the assignment, I no longer saw any point in asking Serafina to continue.  The word I believe is the best descriptive for Ms. James work is execrable.

I'm not alone.  Well known BDSM author Laura Antoniou wrote a short parody, titled 50 Shades of Sellout, that I found very amusing.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who is a specialist in treating sexual disorders, just put forth her two cents worth in a piece that was published in the Sydney Morning Herald, titled - Fifty Shades of Grey giving bondage a bad name.

The bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by EL James has reportedly already sold up to 20 million copies worldwide. Having read the three novels in one sitting, I very much doubt it is the sex that did it. I found it boring, repetitive, and leads women to aspire to undesirable - and frankly unattainable - goals, such as simultaneous orgasm, which occurs between the protagonists most of the time.

But, most annoyingly, the story demonises BDSM - the term for the erotic style comprising bondage, domination, and sado-masochism - and those who enjoy it. The male protagonist, Christian Grey, is portrayed as a cold-hearted sexual predator with a dungeon (that word has been wisely swapped for "playroom"), full of scary sex toys. Worst of all is the implication that his particular erotic style has developed because he is psychologically "sick".

Frankly, in BDSM terms, Grey is a lightweight. He eschews many fairly standard interests, although he is an expert at the "mindf---". Even novices, however, would know that his use of cable ties is a very bad idea (to avoid nerve-damage and scarring, soft, thick rope is de rigueur).

Grey's lack of competency in his chosen erotic arena is most apparent, though, in the way he fails to assess his potential new submissive's naivety. Experienced BDSM practitioners are acutely aware of the gulf between cognoscenti and others, and would not dream of terrifying a novice by bringing up such advanced techniques as fire, electricity and gynaecological play.

Ten years ago, I carried out an extensive psychological study of people in the BDSM community - the largest empirical study ever done at the time - to examine their psychological attributes and determine if there was any justification for the notion, commonly held, even within my field, that they were all psychologically disturbed. After giving each of the 132 participants four hours of psychological tests, as well as a face-to-face interview, I found that, in fact, the group was generally not mentally unhealthy, and the instances of early abuse that had long been associated with the adult practice of BDSM were present in just a few.

When I presented my findings in 2003 at the annual conference of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (the full study was published in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality in 2006), the jury was still out as to whether BDSM and psychopathology went hand in hand. But since then, it has been firmly established - through the work of Peggy Kleinplatz, Charles Moser and others - that BDSM, played in a safe and consensual manner, is not proof of mental or physical illness, essential badness or emotional damage from trauma or abusive parenting, and that people cannot - and should not - be treated to cure it.

All the work that has been done to establish that BDSM is not a pathological symptom, but one of a wide range of normative human erotic interests, is in danger of being undermined by the success of Fifty Shades. Let's hope we do not return to the days when people were discriminated against - losing children, property, jobs - for their interest in BDSM. Remember, Fifty Shades is just another bodice-ripper. With cable ties.

I'd like to thank Ms. Connolly for her dissection of the 50 Shades series.  Frankly, the tripe being sold these days as some kind of prime delicacy is making me sick.  I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking so!

With that said, let us not demonize cable ties while we are dissecting Ms. James' work.  While BDSM as "taught" in workshops and seminars might consider soft rope to be "de rigueur", I'm not positive that the occasional careful use of an item like cable ties will inevitably lead to some kind of nerve damage or scarring.

I believe that workshops tend to be taught, for reasons of liability and public relations, totally geared towards the lowest common denominator.  Techniques are taught that tend to be as idiot proof as possible.

I'm not saying that safety should be thrown out the window, but I'm also of the studied opinion that items like cable ties can be used in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.  Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water, and replace BDSM that was condemned as a sick perversion with a sanitized version filled with a myriad of rote rules as taught by pretty presenters in their late 20's with (at most) a whole decade of BDSM experience.

not fan fiction . . . 50 Shades of Sellout

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Antoniouisms

I was reminded of long forgotten readings from the Marketplace series of books the other day as I watched one of the earliest episodes of The Upper Floor, where Laura Antoniou was the guest of honor for the house's First Supper in 2009.  My old paperbacks actually show Sara Adamson as the author of the original Marketplace trilogy, but we all know now that was Antoniou's pseudonym.

Antoniou is deliciously and wickedly outspoken about the BDSM community.  I recently found a collection of her quotes that are undoubtedly controversial.  I've added a couple more relevant additions from interviews and the like to fill out the collection.  At the very least, I hope that quotes shared here are thought provoking . . . 

A true slave, one who will be cherished and valued, will never allow their skills and talents to become stagnant. They will never be satisfied with their level of competence. And they will always be willing to follow their owner’s lead, quickly, respectfully, and to the best of their ability. To be thrilled at the touch of leather, aroused by the sound of harsh words, or satisfied by the security of rigid bondage is the mark of a lover. To be thrilled at the opportunity to provide useful service, aroused by a pleased nod, and satisfied by the proverbial job well done, is the mark of a slave.

I see the world thru a lens where every relationship has sado-masochistic overtones to it.

I’m a big pervert.  I find all forms of human sexuality to be interesting. I don’t find them all arousing, but I find them all interesting.

People write to me and say “I wish you wouldn’t put so much ‘gay male sex’ in your books”, and I tell them to go screw themselves.

Fantasies aren't reality, I know, I know, I know. Except when they are. Except when you make them into reality.

And fuck this, I didn't come out of years of fantasy, rescuing myself from a toxic parent and guilt-tripping myself through anti-sex feminism, politically correct lesbianism and socially-programmed homosexual activism so that someone else can make my goddamn sex life into a slogan.

Safe, sane and consensual - what do those words really mean? Assimilation, that's what.

What is happening to my sexuality? It's cold, it's pasionless, and what's worse, it's dull. John Preston was right. SM has become a nice, sweet alternative to heavy petting, and the leaders of this SM 'community' want us to be the Elks or some other animal-named civics association, gathering to sell expensive clothing and raffle tickets, congratulating ourselves on how nice we are.

This used to be about sex. The literature of my people was pornography, filled with cries for mercy, drama enacted on people without prolonged negotiation, partners engaged in a dance in the middle of a bonfire. Now, it's 300-page manuals about how to make sure nothing bad will happen.

What goes on when people overfetishize safety is that they're relapsing into that old frame of mind that what we're doing is BAD.

The trouble is, SMers are allowing themselves to be defined by what they are not. We think, 'Oh, so many people believe that we're all murderers and rapists, and we have to explain that we're not!' Uh - so, a slogan for the gay civil rights movement should be 'Normal, Non-threatening and Not After Your Children'?

I’m a sado-masochist. That’s my sexual orientation. When I was a child, before I could verbalize what I was into, I knew that what excited me were issues of power imbalance, I had fantasies of being kidnapped, tied up, locked in boxes. I did horrible things to my Barbie dolls and to Ken, and to Action Jackson and to GI Joe as a matter of fact, being an equal opportunity sado-masochist.

There are times when I just want to walk through a room, grab that girl, slap her hard and make her cry. Push her down and fuck her mind over twice as hard as her body. Sometimes, I want to be that girl.

My fantasies have never been safe ones. Don't fuck with me, unless you understand that.

Most of the things in my books not only don’t exist in real life, but could not exist in real life. We do not live in a world where you can hide a multi-national slave-selling culture without it being known. And we do not live in a world where there are literally thousands of people who would go into training and leave their lives behind to be sold to a complete stranger without having a say as to who they would be sold to or what they would be used for. Those are the two biggest fictional aspects of my books; and, what I would say to people who try to use my books as an excuse for their ‘delusions’, is: they [the people making these claims] are about as ‘realistic’ as people who say that they’re ‘Klingons’. You know?

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