making hay

Last year when the whole 50 Shades of Grey phenomena was exploding, before I knew anything about the books other than their popularity and that they included some elements of BDSM, I gave Serafina an assignment to read the books.  I can't say it ended up being a favorite assignment for either one of us, as I had to read the books myself, and I can't say that I'm personally a fan of romance novels, which is where I'd categorize 50 Shade of Grey and it's sequels.

I'd also previously asked my slave/wife to read Laura Antoniou's Marketplace series, but she found the initial premise to be objectionable, as she found the entire concept of preparing a slave (even a consensual one) for the auction block to be more than a little bit personally distasteful.  I've long been a fan of Antoniou's writing, and have always considered the Marketplace books to be the epitome of good BDSM literature.

Just over a week ago, on Feburary 24th, I reassigned The Marketplace to Serafina for her reading lessons, asking her to get beyond her personal prejudice against a human being sold at an auction, asking her to remember that in the fictional world of the Marketplace the individuals she'd be reading about had chosen their paths quite willingly.

I'm pleased to report that my darling slave/wife has not only completed The Marketplace (including the bonus short stories included with the kindle edition) but is deep into it's sequel, The Slave.  Another year of immersion in the lifestyle has broadened her perspective enough so that she's now enjoying the series very much.

Serafina gives her submission and service to me out of love, so the thought of a slave needing to be a slave so badly that they'd essentially be willing to be auctioned off to a term of service will always be a bit foreign to her, of that I am sure.  I never found the concept disturbing, in fact if such a thing as the Marketplace had existed in real life, I'd have found a way to seek it out.  I would have aspired to be a trainer . . .

Daydreams aside, I'm rather gratified that Serafina is enjoying her current reading assignments, so gratified I wanted to share it here.  I can't even begin to say how much it pleases me to see her grow in her acceptance and understanding of all things BDSM, it makes my heart feel young again.

MLB does 50 Shades

50 Shades of Grey as read by the bullpen of the Washington Nationals . . . priceless!

More Shades of Grey

Back in March, when I first began to hear a "buzz" about the Shades of Grey novels by E.L. James I was intrigued.  I asked Serafina to read the series as one of her slave assignments, and she did review the first book in April, but we've not made much special reference to the books since.

For the record, after reading the first book myself, I withdrew the assignment, I no longer saw any point in asking Serafina to continue.  The word I believe is the best descriptive for Ms. James work is execrable.

I'm not alone.  Well known BDSM author Laura Antoniou wrote a short parody, titled 50 Shades of Sellout, that I found very amusing.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who is a specialist in treating sexual disorders, just put forth her two cents worth in a piece that was published in the Sydney Morning Herald, titled - Fifty Shades of Grey giving bondage a bad name.

The bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by EL James has reportedly already sold up to 20 million copies worldwide. Having read the three novels in one sitting, I very much doubt it is the sex that did it. I found it boring, repetitive, and leads women to aspire to undesirable - and frankly unattainable - goals, such as simultaneous orgasm, which occurs between the protagonists most of the time.

But, most annoyingly, the story demonises BDSM - the term for the erotic style comprising bondage, domination, and sado-masochism - and those who enjoy it. The male protagonist, Christian Grey, is portrayed as a cold-hearted sexual predator with a dungeon (that word has been wisely swapped for "playroom"), full of scary sex toys. Worst of all is the implication that his particular erotic style has developed because he is psychologically "sick".

Frankly, in BDSM terms, Grey is a lightweight. He eschews many fairly standard interests, although he is an expert at the "mindf---". Even novices, however, would know that his use of cable ties is a very bad idea (to avoid nerve-damage and scarring, soft, thick rope is de rigueur).

Grey's lack of competency in his chosen erotic arena is most apparent, though, in the way he fails to assess his potential new submissive's naivety. Experienced BDSM practitioners are acutely aware of the gulf between cognoscenti and others, and would not dream of terrifying a novice by bringing up such advanced techniques as fire, electricity and gynaecological play.

Ten years ago, I carried out an extensive psychological study of people in the BDSM community - the largest empirical study ever done at the time - to examine their psychological attributes and determine if there was any justification for the notion, commonly held, even within my field, that they were all psychologically disturbed. After giving each of the 132 participants four hours of psychological tests, as well as a face-to-face interview, I found that, in fact, the group was generally not mentally unhealthy, and the instances of early abuse that had long been associated with the adult practice of BDSM were present in just a few.

When I presented my findings in 2003 at the annual conference of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (the full study was published in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality in 2006), the jury was still out as to whether BDSM and psychopathology went hand in hand. But since then, it has been firmly established - through the work of Peggy Kleinplatz, Charles Moser and others - that BDSM, played in a safe and consensual manner, is not proof of mental or physical illness, essential badness or emotional damage from trauma or abusive parenting, and that people cannot - and should not - be treated to cure it.

All the work that has been done to establish that BDSM is not a pathological symptom, but one of a wide range of normative human erotic interests, is in danger of being undermined by the success of Fifty Shades. Let's hope we do not return to the days when people were discriminated against - losing children, property, jobs - for their interest in BDSM. Remember, Fifty Shades is just another bodice-ripper. With cable ties.

I'd like to thank Ms. Connolly for her dissection of the 50 Shades series.  Frankly, the tripe being sold these days as some kind of prime delicacy is making me sick.  I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking so!

With that said, let us not demonize cable ties while we are dissecting Ms. James' work.  While BDSM as "taught" in workshops and seminars might consider soft rope to be "de rigueur", I'm not positive that the occasional careful use of an item like cable ties will inevitably lead to some kind of nerve damage or scarring.

I believe that workshops tend to be taught, for reasons of liability and public relations, totally geared towards the lowest common denominator.  Techniques are taught that tend to be as idiot proof as possible.

I'm not saying that safety should be thrown out the window, but I'm also of the studied opinion that items like cable ties can be used in a safe, sane, and consensual manner.  Let's not throw the baby out with the bath water, and replace BDSM that was condemned as a sick perversion with a sanitized version filled with a myriad of rote rules as taught by pretty presenters in their late 20's with (at most) a whole decade of BDSM experience.

Fifty Shades of Grey Book review and discussion

In Slave assignment 3/16/2012   I was asked by Master Samadhi to read a fictional book  titled "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E.L. James.   I am not normally keen on fictional works because most of my reading is some form of self-education, but I have read enough fiction to know how to know the difference between a good novel or a waste of time.  The time wasters don't make it very far before abandonment.  Apart from a couple of grammatical errors the story is quite readable.  Unfortunately there are some darker issues with exactly who the original author or authors are, and plagiarism is amongst them, however I am not going to sort that out here.

I very much enjoyed the book.  I needed to say that before I began taking the book apart!  I am not going to join the mobs that criticize every aspect and detail of every action of the characters.  Those types of reviews can be found abundantly.  I found that many of Grey's qualities reminded me strongly of Master Michael.  The shudders the heroine describes echo mine whenever Gray uses intense staccato words and especially the mantra "you belong to me!" or "you're mine!"  Good stuff.

What astonished me was Grey's inability to have self-control.  In fact it was one of the first things Master queried me about  if I had noticed . . . I had!   The couple barely gets into the sex-play and he lets her cum a few times before he dives in and he explodes and then it's over.  Fortunately he did seem to have a short recovery, which was enough to redeem him. I think most stories come from a personal experience base; and so when I read those "Mr Grey's" often are unable to contain himself for extended play, I have to think that my Master is quite unique in that way of long protracted play.  Many others have noted it is actually pretty mild.

I am sure I am not a good person in judging it if is worthy of BDSM.  I had only a handful of Hustler mags to reference to and that was back in the 60's.  And a stack of Penthouse and Hustler Letters in the mid-70's that belonged to my ex. So my exposure over all has been limited until these past wonderful years with Master Michael.  Only I do know more about the obvious lack of understanding the workings of corporations and the interconnectedness  of politics, and it certifiably is not accurate portrayal in the book.

Perhaps, overall it is an entertaining read that has a large audience, and for most it might be a brief holiday from daily dull lives that we live.  Is it a movie yet?