Fifty Shades of Grey Book review and discussion

In Slave assignment 3/16/2012   I was asked by Master Samadhi to read a fictional book  titled "Fifty Shades of Grey" by E.L. James.   I am not normally keen on fictional works because most of my reading is some form of self-education, but I have read enough fiction to know how to know the difference between a good novel or a waste of time.  The time wasters don't make it very far before abandonment.  Apart from a couple of grammatical errors the story is quite readable.  Unfortunately there are some darker issues with exactly who the original author or authors are, and plagiarism is amongst them, however I am not going to sort that out here.

I very much enjoyed the book.  I needed to say that before I began taking the book apart!  I am not going to join the mobs that criticize every aspect and detail of every action of the characters.  Those types of reviews can be found abundantly.  I found that many of Grey's qualities reminded me strongly of Master Michael.  The shudders the heroine describes echo mine whenever Gray uses intense staccato words and especially the mantra "you belong to me!" or "you're mine!"  Good stuff.

What astonished me was Grey's inability to have self-control.  In fact it was one of the first things Master queried me about  if I had noticed . . . I had!   The couple barely gets into the sex-play and he lets her cum a few times before he dives in and he explodes and then it's over.  Fortunately he did seem to have a short recovery, which was enough to redeem him. I think most stories come from a personal experience base; and so when I read those "Mr Grey's" often are unable to contain himself for extended play, I have to think that my Master is quite unique in that way of long protracted play.  Many others have noted it is actually pretty mild.

I am sure I am not a good person in judging it if is worthy of BDSM.  I had only a handful of Hustler mags to reference to and that was back in the 60's.  And a stack of Penthouse and Hustler Letters in the mid-70's that belonged to my ex. So my exposure over all has been limited until these past wonderful years with Master Michael.  Only I do know more about the obvious lack of understanding the workings of corporations and the interconnectedness  of politics, and it certifiably is not accurate portrayal in the book.

Perhaps, overall it is an entertaining read that has a large audience, and for most it might be a brief holiday from daily dull lives that we live.  Is it a movie yet?

Techniques of Pleasure

SM is a practice of the self, a form of community and belonging, an impetus to consumption and lifestyle, and an eroticization of social inequality.

   ~ Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss

Much as ethnographers go to places like New Guinea to live among and study the natives, putting their customs and rituals under the microscope of science, so has the BDSM community been studied.

Yes, boys and girls, a scientist moved to San Francisco and lived among the leather crowd to study and analyze our behavior.  Now there's a book retelling and analyzing the experience.

The book's author, Margot Weiss, specializes in the ethnography of contemporary sexual cultures and politics as an Assistant Professor of American Studies and Anthropology at Wesleyan University.

Serafina asked me, as I read her the opening paragraphs, if such a study legitimizes what we do.  I replied, "It may very well have that effect."

I wonder at the same time to myself, if it marginalizes our community.  And, in it's own way, the book may do that as well.

You see, there are times when life delivers a platter of delicious contradictions.  BDSM itself has always seemed to me to be a construct of delicious contradiction, built upon the two sided coin of sadomasochism.

But my personal perceptions of BDSM are observations from within.  I've always been attracted to bondage and power exchange, I can't separate who I am from how I perceive.

With that in mind, I picked this book up with great interest.  Here was a look at the community I inhabit by the objective eyes of an individual trained in ethnography.


Do you ever wonder how people outside the BDSM community perceive us?

Even that simple question is more complex than it seems, as the "BDSM community" is not some monolithic construct.  We are a widely varied group of individuals who's interests and sexual practices have been shoehorned into an acronym.  

Even saying that I am an inhabitant of BDSM community is bit problematic.  I fit a large number of the characteristics described to be inherent to the BDSM community as described by Weiss, yet there are a number of significant differences as well.


I've never been to a munch, nor to any of the various social events she attributes to be key aspects of the BDSM community.  I've never been to a "play party" either, unless you count the never ending series of threesomes (and the occasional foursome) with BDSM overtones that occurred in my home during the 1990's to fall under that heading.

And, I also get the feeling that the BDSM community in other regions outside of San Francisco may have evolved rather differently than the community Weiss describes.  So, this study might be best viewed as a serious look at a single distinct BDSM tribe.

As such, it's a very interesting book, fascinating in fact.  I find myself stopping to ponder the points that Weiss makes, to question her conclusions, or, to try and decide what conclusions I might personally reach based upon my own experiences.

I'm close to finished with my first full reading of the text, so I should be posting a more complete review of the book very soon.  I can already recommend that you pick up a copy for yourself, as the book is challenging, but thought provoking.  I do not suggest the hardback version for $71.97, and not even the softcover for $24.95, as Techniques of Pleasure is available on Kindle for just $9.99.

More Than Just the Leather Is Black (pt 2)

Further Reflections on Black History Month

Yesterday our dear friend mouse (of Omega and mouse) made a comment on my Reflections on Black History Month post that read:

Michael Sir,
It's interesting that mouse has known a few African-American Doms (both male and female), which seems to be more acceptable than in the submissive position.
Yes, mouse can see where economics would play into it. Wonder tho, if DD or simply spanking is used more?
Hugs,
mouse

I'd like to begin by thanking mouse for her thoughtful comment, just as I'd like to thank my friend Cherub for originally bringing this topic up in an email.  

Here's how I responded to mouse in comments:

Oh, thank you my dear mouse, for the added perspective, it's appreciated~!
Your comment is very thought provoking. I don't know the answer to the spanking and DD question, and I'd guess nobody really knows for sure. I'd be curious to know if you are correct, as this isn't the kind of information demographers often collect . . .
I'd never thought about the dominant role being more acceptable for individuals of African-American descent, but it makes a lot of sense, as it's perfectly logical that there would be less stigma for most African-Americans in a role without the direct connection to the word slave.
I'd originally envisioned an even longer essay, with more quotes and further thoughts on the topic, including a mini-essay on race stereotyping in the porn industry. Then I realized it wasn't going to be a timely BDSM reaction to Black History Month if the essay wasn't finished until May.
big hugs,
Michael

I guess it's easy to tell that I enjoy banter with mouse, and find her delightful, just as I have great respect for Omega.  I think he's a lucky man, but I can say it without a hint of jealousy, because I am also blessed by my beloved Serafina.

OK, enough gushing with the sugary, I'd not like to become so sweet as to give readers diabetes.  I'll be more topical in the next portion of the essay, I promise.

In all honesty, I don't usually think too much about topics like race. 

I guess that's probably a side effect of being a white middle-aged male, as I'm part of what should be considered as the historically privileged race and sex.  I'm probably not supposed to even admit that white males are privileged when somebody else brings up the subject, let alone make such a strongly and blatantly inflammatory statement unbidden, but, I enjoy all the advantages.  

When I was younger, back in my days as a community organizer, I wished for a world that was colorblind, and always tried to live that as a reality in my work.  I didn't think about race because I didn't think it was an important issue.  The color of an individual's skin has nothing to do with the content of their character, so I saw race as irrelevant.

Long before anyone had come up with phrases and names for the top one percent of economic elite, I argued directly to my Black friends that the color of our skin should not be a dividing line, that we were all brothers in being exploited by the economic elite.  As a poor white person working little more than sustenance jobs, I found a greater personal common cause with poor Blacks and Hispanics than I ever felt towards those of my own race who made over $100,000 a year (where I felt the dividing line between rich and middle class was drawn in 1990.)  

I argued that race was an artificial dividing line, that the rich wanted the black man and the brown man and the white man all to hate each other.  I reasoned that when "races" fought each other over the scraps the truly privileged deigned to throw us, it distracted us from hating those who kept us all in economic slavery.

In all honestly, I still believe all of that to be true today, perhaps more so than ever.  

But, I also understand today why my African-American friends liked my rhetoric, but never fully trusted it.  Despite dreams, whether they be mine, or whether they be the dreams of far greater and courageous men like the dreams of Martin Luther King, Jr., I know that race still divides far too many for it to be healthy to pretend otherwise.

Before concluding this discussion of the intersection of race and BDSM, I need to acknowledge that there are a number of relevant issues I've left untouched.  

For instance, there's one more loaded topic brought up by Cherub in our email exchanges:

 There is a lot of pornography that exploits racial sterotypes- big scary black men ravaging white women, and conversely black women being humiliated by white men- outside of the bdsm aesthetic.

Well, Cherub my dear, that's a topic I'd broach were it not for some brief banter I had with a psychiatrist friend from the building where my office is located.  During the most recent session of our daily banter, the good Doctor knighted me a "Master of the Obvious".     

Wearing that moniker proudly, and considering the old adage about the relative value of pictures and words, I'll just let the images I've attached tell the story.

Reflections on Black History Month

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
    ~  Martin Luther King, Jr.

More Than Just the Leather Is Black

About an hour later, a young African American woman with a round face and closely cropped hair was led up to the stage by a tall, severe-looking white man who held the leash attached to her collar. She was the only person to appear on the stage with someone else, so the man explained that he needed to tell us, the audience, a few things about his slave. As she stood there, back straight, staring straight ahead, her master, addressing us in a tight, steely voice, said that she was fit. As he spoke, he yanked up her dress to display her shaved genitals, and he then turned her around. Still holding her dress above her waist, he smacked her ass so hard she pitched forward; the leash attached to the collar around her neck stopped her fall. Turning her back around, he said she was very submissive and guaranteed to make us happy. As he finished speaking, he stroked her head, petting and smoothing back her short blond hair. The audience was quiet throughout this display. When the bidding started, it was reserved; she did not sell for a lot of money. I was uncomfortable during this scene, and I felt sure that the rest of the crowd was, too. I strained to read the woman's expression, to see if she was all right at the front of the stage, but I couldn't tell.
      ~ Margot Weiss from Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality

The quotation I just shared is from Margot Weiss, a professor at Wesleyan University who specializes in the ethnography of contemporary sexual cultures. In writing about a slave auction she witnessed as one of her earliest introductions to the BDSM community, Weiss describes, with very mixed emotions, the appearance of one individual black slave, after a plethora of white individuals had already been auctioned off to great zeal.

Because of the legacy left behind by slavery in the United States, and because battles for civil rights are still fresh in the memory of many individuals, issues based around race can have a very strong effect on people. There are layers of guilt, anger and even fear that, at times, lay beneath any discussion of the topic.

If a trained scientist who specializes in the study of cultural phenomena is overcome by difficult feelings when it comes to confronting the intersection of BDSM sexuality and our racial legacy, what are the rest of us to do or think?

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Everything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Race and Ethnicity in BDSM

I recently received a question from a good friend. And, despite being a middle aged white male with an initial instinct that this is a topic I shouldn't touch, I'm actually going to tackle the question.

The friend asked:

A quote about Black History Month just came over the radio, I'm curious-
Is sadomasochism a strictly caucasian practice?

It's my thinking that BDSM's appeal is not confined to just Caucasians (and Asians.) but instead, it's my belief that a variety of cultural, social, and economic pressures create a disproportionate disinterest in BDSM among most people of color.

At least that's my theory. The majority of this post is either background on the topic, or else my own theorizing on the reasons our BDSM community has disproportionate demographics.

If you are in the United States or Canada and didn't know that February was Black History Month, you must either live under a rock, or else your existence has an absolute and total dearth of multicultural influences.

I have an African-American friend who makes a special historical post on Facebook every day in February as her way of acknowledging and celebrating the Holiday.  I look forward to her posts each day as my own way to learn and celebrate with her.

I also watched the movie Freakonomics yesterday, and the film's discussion of the impact of giving a child an ethnic name is fresh in my memory. Altogether, it would seem that issues surrounding race and ethnicity have been on my mind recently, making my friend's question rather timely.

This is actually a great question. It's such a good question because BDSM videos and imagery on the Internet are very predominantly Caucasian in nature. Yes, there are people of color to be found among BDSM imagery online, but not very many, and certainly not in proportion to the population demographics of the United States.

For instance, if an individual started with the assumption that web images are representative in proportion to actual population demographics, and being given nothing to survey but BDSM pictures from Tumblr, they might likely conclude that African-Americans make up 5% of the population or less.

I'm also guessing that same individual cataloging Tumblr would also conclude that Black men are disproportionately endowed in the size of sexual organs. But, I think that's starting to wander into the area of cultural cliches, and that's probably another topic.

According to race and ethnicity data found on Wikipedia, people identifying themselves as White or Caucasian make up less than 64% of the United State's population. The total population is comprised of just over 16% Hispanic or Latino peoples, 12.2% Black or African American, and 4.7% Asian.

Spend just an hour or two looking at BDSM images on the web and you'll probably notice that they are nowhere close to be proportionate. It's not just Caucasians that are over represented, so are Asians.

People identifying as Black/African-American are certainly underrepresented in the BDSM community, especially among females. As I alluded to earlier, there is a strong presence of well endowed black males found in the pornographic industry, and there's some carry over into the fetish and BDSM worlds in general, but it's not enough to being their community up to 12% representation.

It seems to me that Hispanic/Latino individuals are even less proportionally represented within the BDSM community than are Black/African-Americans. Cultural stereotypes being what they are, I'm not sure there is any Latino equivalent to the "big black stud", so their people don't even get the numbers boost seen from African-American male's presence in the porn industry.

Why Isn't the BDSM Community Racially Proportionate?

I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.
    ~  Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's certainly not my thinking that attraction to BDSM is somehow related to race, quite the opposite in fact. I actually believe that fetish and kink have a fairly universal appeal, given the right cultural and economic conditions. That's my own theory anyway.

I also freely admit that may very well be my own manner of prejudice, as I'm certainly predisposed to believe that the things that are sexy to me should also be attractive to everyone else. I

n other words, I am human, and prone to my own blind-spots and foibles.  My thinking here is, however, directly influenced by Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss.


I quoted Weiss earlier in this essay, about her experience as an ethnographer witnessing a BDSM slave auction.  In looking at the BDSM community Weiss first observes:

The BDSM community is not the sleazy, underground scene portrayed on crime shows and made-for-TV movies; neither is it simply the transgressive zone of sexual emancipation that I expected to find. Rather, it is a formally organized community with very particular social and educational practices.

She then adds the provocative thought that:

BDSM is a form of social belonging facilitated-even produced-by contemporary US capitalism, especially consumerism and commodity exchange.

I'd certainly never thought of it that way before, but my toy bag serves as one form of evidence that there's at least some truth in her observation.

The vast majority of practitioners are white with the means-or the aspiration-to buy the toys that, together with forms of self-improvement and technique, link community belonging with often-invisible race and class privilege. 

That's an observation of the BDSM scene in the San Francisco area, so quite obviously there may be some regional variation  But, while it may be true that your mileage may vary, I think it's also an essentially valid point on a close to universal level.

A BDSM practitioner requires not only BDSM interests or desires, but also a set of skills or techniques with which to navigate the BDSM world-a BDSM "worldview." In other words, becoming an SM practitioner, even if imagined to spring from a core or essential desire, requires self-mastery and self-knowledge that is bound to community rules, techniques, and perspectives. 

And finally . . .

Almost all of the practitioners I spoke with had invested between $1,500 and $3,000 in their toy collections, wardrobes, and, in some cases, play spaces. Commodities like bondage gear, sounds, and vibrators produce community; in this way, SM communities are not oppositional to, but rather complicit with, transformations in capitalism, particularly the consolidation of what is variously called late, flexible, informational, or advanced capitalism.

Weiss isn't describing a BDSM world that's accessible to individuals who are forced to inhabit the very lowest economic rungs.  Inequalities in the ability to simply earn a living are then compounded by educational inequality.  The harder an individual has to toil just to survive, the less luxury they have for anything, kinky sex included.

With all of that said, I've identified at least five different factors that are contributing to the disproportionate racial composition of the BDSM community.  They include:

1. Career Inequalities - BDSM is a luxury leisure activity and therefore less accessible to lower income socioeconomic classes with less time for leisure. 
2. Financial Inequalities - The BDSM community is a form of middle class consumerism, creating an artificial barrier to entry for lower income individuals.
3. Educational Inequalities - At it's heart, BDSM is also an intellectual pursuit, some call it Graduate Level Sex - individuals raised in environments that discourage imagination and fail to promote learning are not conducive to building interest in BDSM activities.
4. Slavery & Civil War - Cultural memory of slavery creates internal conflict within individuals regarding BDSM.  
5. Sex & Culture - Cultural stigmas about sex impact an individual's choices regarding fetish, BDSM and other forms of alternative sexuality.

The first three arguments are predicated on the supposition that socioeconomic inequalities will directly impact an individual's interest in BDSM.  There's no escaping the Slavery issue, as it's even difficult territory for an ethnographer.  Issue five is more of my own personal observation of a wider cultural phenomena.

I'm reminded of the incident in the "Soprano's" television series where Uncle Junior encountered problems with his social status when it was discovered he performed cunnilingus on his girlfriend.  I also know, for instance, that Gay men struggle greatly with acceptance in Latino cultures because of their people's strong sense of what a man should be, what some call machismo.

So, to my mind, it's obvious that cultural heritage has some impact, even if it's not as strong as the four factors I listed first.  There's a reason it's last on my list.

In the end, I sincerely wish that my bothers and sisters with skin a different color than my own had the same level of opportunity I enjoyed growing up.  It's true that some did, but I also know from time spent in places like East St Louis, that many did not.  That is the socioeconomic reality we face today, that there are still terrible inequalities.

In a nation where it's obvious that visions of real racial equality from men of my Father's generation, wonderful men like Martin Luther King Jr., still remain a dream today, it really should come as no surprise that the BDSM world itself isn't also equal.

It turns out, nothing in this life ever is . . .

Some of us get the luxury of playing with inequality, with mocking it, for our own pleasure . . .  

Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they can not communicate; they can not communicate because they are separated.
    ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.