Anniversaries

Our blog's one year anniversary passed quietly earlier this month, unnoticed even by the blog's authors.  I'd hate to say we are oblivious right now, but that does seem to be the case.  Serafina and I are preoccupied with a number of different things.

I guess that's sometimes how life ends up, passing by, leaving you feeling a little bit like you are watching it go by while you sit behind glass in a greyhound bus.  It's something I need to snap out of, I'm not a "leave the driving to us" kinda guy.

Today is another anniversary, it's been one year since my Mother's passing.  If you are feeling sensitive today, or perhaps you simply don't wish to read about death, this is probably a good time to stop reading . . .

I was looking back at the blog, and I saw my post about being under the weather on the 29th last year.  I was home with what I thought was a flu bug (I've since realized it's just the peak of ragweed season and it leaves me miserable every year at this time.)  I got a call from the hospital that my Mother wasn't doing well, she was going to have to be intubated and taken to ICU.  I begged off going in, not wanting to spread my flu to Mom, and thinking it was not the worst news, Mom had been thru three previous ICU visits in the previous 3 years, hell it was almost turning into a routine.  I sent Serafina to the Hospital in my stead.

An hour later, I got the call.  Mom had refused to go on the ventilator, instead she had chosen to die.  At that point I went to the hospital despite the flu, it wasn't like my little bug was going to harm Mom at that point anyway.

She passed away the next day, at about 1 pm, I was with her holding her hand and gently telling her she was loved.  I think it's the most difficult thing I've ever endured, sitting with her those last 24 hours.  Death did not come gently like the night . . .

I'm sorry to burden you with this rememberence, unfortunately life isn't always sexy or fun.  All I have to share today is raw emotion, it's going to be a long day I'm sure . . .

the smell is like napalm but it doesn't smell like victory - Phthalates pt. 1

A PSA (Public Sexual Announcement) by Michael Samadhi . . .

Master: Smell that? You smell that?
slave: What?
Master: Phthalates, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that.
[kneels]
Master: I love the smell of phthalates in the morning. You know, one time we had a a scene for 12 hours. When it was all over, I walked around. We didn't lose one of 'em, not one stinkin' toy or length of rope. And the smell, you know that plastic smell, the whole scene . . . Smelled like
[sniffing, pondering]
Master: victory. Someday this scene's gonna end...
[suddenly walks off]

If you don't count a bundle of clothesline I purchased to tie up my girlfriend when I was a senior in high school, I believe the year 2011 marks the 30th anniversary of my first sex toy purchase. Back in that day, just finding the toy was an adventure that usually led to a seedy dive invariably filled with an overwhelming chemical smell.  

Immediately upon walking into the place, my senses would be assaulted by a rubbery plastic smell that seemed reminiscent of old plastic cling wrap.  The store's atmosphere always seemed to leave me a little bit nauseous, and significantly short of breath, on the verge of an asthma attack, despite the fact that I'd mostly outgrown my asthma symptoms.   

I'm quite sure the shortness of breath was not caused by excitement, most of the offerings seemed a little repulsive at that time.

Despite all that, I do remember my first time well, quickly purchasing a modest vibrator made of a fairly pliable plastic.  And, I'll never forget the relief my lungs felt upon gasping a few chest-fulls of fresh air upon my exit.  I can also remember that same plastic smell permeating the bedroom when I went to show my ex-wife the purchase.

At the time, I assumed that the toy's cheap cardboard packaging had somehow absorbed the terrible plastic odor from the store.  With the power of hindsight, I'm quite positive the god-awful stench inside the store was actually stink from the dozens of fake cocks and plastic vibrators that lined the shelves.

I'm now convinced that the stink I associated with those cheap plastic toys was the odor of some variety of a family of chemicals known as phthalates.

You need to know that phthalates (pronounced Th-allates) are in the news these days, and it's not good news.  Phthalates are being phased out of many products in the United States, Canada, and European Union because of some pretty serious health concerns.  It's my understanding that Phthalates can potentially cause damage to the liver, lungs, kidneys, testes and can likely cause hormonal disruptions too. 

Phthalates are a whole family of chemicals used primarily as plasticizers.  They are added to plastics to increase their flexibility, transparency, and even durability. For instance, phthalates are often used to soften polyvinyl chloride (PVC).

In retrospect, it's pretty obvious to me why a soft flexible sex toy and ancient cling wrap might smell alike.  The same chemicals were probably used to make them both flexible and silky smooth to touch.  It turns out that my lungs knew the dirty little secret of phthalates long before I was ever consciously aware of any problem with the chemical.

When we found several rolls of smelly old cling wrap at Grandma's house after she passed away, we didn't want the smell near our food, or even in our kitchen, so we threw it all away.  Knowing what I now know about the dangers of phthalates, it was a great decision.

If you have sex toys made of soft plastic or any jelly like substance, if you have toys that are more than just a few years old, you may consider throwing them all away too.  At the very least, if you can't bring yourself to give old toys to the garbage bin, use a condom (latex condoms do NOT contain phthalates) when playing.

Master: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word.
slave: Yes, Sir.
Master: Are you listening?
slave: Yes, I am.
Master: Phthalates.

(apologies to Robert Duvall, Dustin Hoffman and the writers of "Apocalypse Now" and "The Graduate" - the original sources of the reworked "quotes" that began and concluded this post)