how's that working for ya?

Swine Flu Influenza A
H1N1 Virus Electron Micrograph 
by CDC scientists
CDC/PHIL ID 11214

I woke up this morning laid low by by what I am guessing is a flu virus.  I have all the classic flu symptoms, fever, headache, body aches, tight chest and dry cough.

Since I am not sparing you, my dear reader, any of the gory details, I also need to mention that it feels as though a bunch of garden gnomes had a wild party in my sinuses last night.

With the fever and headache leaving me in some kind of quasi-delirium, I decided that as a dominant I should simply command and will the virus away into oblivion. At this point, Dr Phil appeared in my visions, and the good doctor asked how that was workin' for me!

I'm sure you already know the outcome, in fact you are probably laughing a little at my hubris. I'm laughing a bit at myself, so really, it's ok to have a chuckle at a Master's expense.

Which leads me to the real point of this morning's short essay . . .

One big mistake many inexperienced would be dominants make is to assume that a submissive will submit to anybody that styles themselves to be some kind of dominant or Master. They read online about individuals who have a "slave heart" and make the mistake of thinking that means the slave will automatically succumb to any dominant who crosses their path.

Then, adding insult to the injury, when the self styled dominant isn't instantly obeyed, they often lash out. In the classic example, the would be dom ends up saying the person who wouldn't obey them must either be a bad submissive, or even no kind of submissive at all.

I've got a bit of news for this kind of so called dominant, just because you will it to be done, just because you command it be done, that doesn't necessarily make it so. Most submissives will respond to a random dominant's commands about as well as the virus that's plaguing me. If the self-styled dom is lucky he'll be ignored, if he's not, well then I'd expect that there very well be some laughing at his expense.

Submissives really are living breathing human beings with their own beautiful minds. They are not doormats, nor do they respond to commands like a robot. If they are collared or otherwise in a relationship with a dominant, it could very well be seen as an act of disobedience or disrespect to their Master/Mistress if they let some other random individual give them commands.

And while the thought of having submissives throwing themselves at your feet might be attractive to the would be dominant, that's just fantasy cannon fodder. In real life we tend to appreciate things that require an effort to achieve, so I'm afraid life would be rather boring if it took no effort at all to engage somebody's submission.

Things that come without effort are usually considered disposable, and my slave/wife is anything but disposable to me. She obeys me far better than any other creature on this planet (especially your run of the mill flu virus) not because I am some super dominant in her eyes, but because I have earned her respect, her trust, her love, and her submission.

Dungeon Fungeon & the difference between 'torment' and 'torture'

My sweet Serafina, upon occasion, reminds me of the power of the words I use. I don't want to bore you with a bunch of prattle about my business, but my slave/wife's gentle reminders are at least somewhat ironic, because writing and communications are my trade.

I'm very much used to using powerful words to convey messages, illustrate needs, not to mention words designed to help create desires. But, I occasionally need reminders simply because I use powerful words so very much that I am in danger of becoming somewhat immune to their complete effect.

I am of the belief that this is also a common phenomena with some words in use by the BDSM community.

Let's explore, as one example, the common use of the word "dungeon", if you are willing to indulge me for a moment.

I'm currently drafting a future blog entry about renovations we've undertaken here at House D'Amore.  My first draft refers to - "Two dedicated dungeon spaces on two separate floors of our home . . . " Now let's really think about that for a moment.

Wikipedia's entry on dungeons begins -

"A dungeon is a room or cell in which prisoners are held, especially underground. Dungeons are generally associated with medieval castles, though their association with torture probably belongs more to the Renaissance period. An oubliette is a form of dungeon which was accessible only from a hatch in a high ceiling."

Now we all must know that even an individual who has been completely "captivated" (a term my Serafina enjoys very much) in the BDSM sense is always free to end the relationship and leave should they choose.  That's one of the basic tenets that makes Master/slave relationships a lifestyle choice and not abuse.  So perhaps the term - "Prisoner of Love" - would be a better substitute, although again it wouldn't be perfectly accurate for all BDSM relationships, since in some cases there is submission and even slavery without love.

Tomás de Torquemada

Inquisitor General of Spain  

And then there's the word "torture" creeping around the corner, to point and raise it's loaded gun into our conversation.  And while I don't rule out a little strong role-play: I'm certainly no inquisitor like Tomás de Torquemada, I've no interest in recreating water-boarding scenes from Abu Ghraib, I do not wish to become a jailer like those currently found in Guantanamo Bay, nor do I care to reenact magneto telephone tortures from a jungle scene in a hot and humid South American dictatorship.

While there are submissives who may have some kind of those torture fantasies, the number of individuals actually enacting anything approximating real torture is probably not a huge percentage of the BDSM population.  And, while it's sometimes fun to use heavily loaded terms for desired effect, those words can lose effect when they become regularly used in casual conversation.

So, I'm leaning towards using the term "Fungeon" to refer to the new BDSM play spaces we are creating in our home, even one that might appear to be made of stone so as to give the illusion of being buried deep inside some medieval castle.

Yes I do torment my sweet Serafina regularly, sometimes she'll even be driven to crawl or beg, and we do have toys designed to elicit strong sensations, not to mention electrical toys.  But there is a huge difference between the word torment, and the word torture.

Perhaps some people will think that I am worried too much about semantics, that my sense of political correctness is running rampant, but I think moving away from any regular use of the word dungeon as a euphemism for normal BDSM play spaces has a good number of positives to recommend it.

I'd believe it would even be a positive for the sadists and masochists who have a very real desire to play with fear and more extreme sensations.  Ending the casual use of the word dungeon would restore more real meaning to the word when the occasion is right for the use of such a powerful word.

As a Master, I wouldn't necessarily want my use of the word dungeon to only make my slave/wife wet.  I want my use of the word dungeon to make Serafina both scared and wet.  You can help me achieve that goal by using the word just a little more carefully too, fully well knowing the word will be more powerful if it is used carefully.

Now, if I could only find a better term than "play space" - while not linked to as powerful images as the word dungeon - it does instead elicit images of childhood - and I'm thinking that should be reserved for those folks into Lolita style roleplay.

about last night

I used a new silk blindfold on my slave/wife last night.

I've used blindfolds on a couple of previous occasions with her, and intend to make it a more regular part of our play as she becomes more and more comfortable with her submission and the increasing intensity of our relationship.

The new toy is the Lelo Intima Silk Blindfold as pictured in this ad photo . . .

Soon I'll be posting a review of my perspective on the blindfold as a dominant, and then I'll ask my slave/wife to make some additional comments from her view (or lack thereof) from the submissive side . . .

TMI Tuesday: August 23, 2011

1. When you go to a party, would you rather show up accidentally underdressed or overdressed?

Master Michael - I'd rather be overdressed than be too casual these days.

Serafina - I enjoy dressing up!

2. What is something you have won and how did you win it? (Inspired by the An Optimistic Virgin)

Master Michael - I won my wife/slave's heart! I prevailed with integrity, intellect, compassion, not to mention an overactive imagination in the bedroom, and a good measure of dominance to match her submission.

Serafina - Master Michael's Trust

3. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, end, or top?

Master Michael - Bottoms up baby!

Serafina - Always from the bottom - I even slide the toothbrush handle over the tube from the bottom up to make sure it is used up evenly!

4. What is something your parents used to say to you that you promised yourself you would never say–but now you catch yourself saying frequently?

Master Michael - You can never go wrong by acting with class and dignity.

Serafina - I can't think of anything. . .

5. What 3 lies did you regularly tell your parents? If applicable, what 3 lies do you tell your parents now?

Master Michael - I never lied with regularity, not even to my parents.

Serafina - I believe that lying is unacceptable. That said, I would not tell all if it was hurtful. For example if you got a new hair-do and were happy with itI would with-hold my opinion and agree with you.

6. What is something that you intended to do today but didn’t? Why not? Will you do it tomorrow?

Master Michael - I intended to write more on this blog, not just answer a TMI Tuesday . . . I didn't write more because I used up the last of my energy visiting a sick parent in the Hospital. I hope to write more tomorrow, I hope to write more every day, whether I make the time and feel the inspiration is still up for grabs.

Serafina - I had intentions of cutting up a watermelon so it was ready for eating but decided to wait 'till tomorrow.

7. What is something that people do in traffic that really bothers you? (inspired by My Quest To Be A Good Girl)

Master Michael - I am bothered by people talking on cell phones while driving, their divided attention endangers other drivers.

Serafina - People who do not use their indicators when lane-changing.

8. Whose autographs have you collected? (You can stop at five, in case you’re an autograph hound or celebrity stalker).

Master Michael - Tony Oliva, Rod Carew, Harmon Killebrew

Serafina - none

Bonus: Where do you go to find solitude, tranquility or connection to a higher power?

Master Michael - During Sacred Sex - These days I find it in the bedroom when sharing sensual moments with my wife/slave Serafina. The webs we weave (both figurative and literal) send us to powerful heights of shared passion.

Serafina - I very much listen to music. I have conversations with my Heavenly Father as I drift off to sleep. I talk to Him about me, my kids, ask Him to endow Master Michael with courage, wisdom, insight and strength to meet each day and task. And I thank him for all He has done in my life.

he also serves his guests wine from a box

While the dominant in the background seems to be simply thrilled by the submissive's hands free serving tray / nipple clamp combination, I'd actually like to wipe that silly grin right off of his face.

What self respecting dominant goes to all that bother, with maid costuming, lovely dark custom serving tray, not to mention the red nose ring leash, only to spoil the whole scene with the terribly ugly plastic soda pop bottle?

I wouldn't be surprised to discover he also serves his guests wine from a box . . .

A substantial glass tumbler with an iced drink would have been far more appropriate, perhaps something like Chivas Regal on the rocks. Or maybe a nice Bacardi and Coke, if a mixed drink were more to his taste.

If a heavy tumbler and ice would have been more than this girl's tender nipple's could bear, I'd suggest the alternative of a simple glass of wine. If her limits allowed, I'd even like to see the wine bottle on her tray, along with the glass, and of course a corkscrew!

For my eye, the best option of all would be for the tray to hold a delicate champaign flute, filled and waiting for Master to toast her submission, and perhaps even her talents.

But for God's sake, a plastic soda-pop bottle?

it's hard to tie the argument down

A judge ruled last week that consensual slavery is not a protected belief in the U.K. - Believing in Bondage.

The crux of the story is a midwife who was fired from her work for wearing her silver slave collar, and the counter assertion that her dismissal was discriminatory.

Opposition to fox-hunting and a commitment to combat climate change may now be protected under the law – but the UK is not yet ready to recognise "consensual slavery".

The issue arose last week as the long-predicted collision between protections for "philosophical belief" and proponents of the BDSM (bondage, discipline, sado-masochistic) lifestyle hit the courts in Bedford. In balance was the claim by a local midwife that her dismissal for wearing an emblem of her beliefs – a silver collar – was discriminatory.

Not so, according to North and East Herts Health Authority, which represented this as purely an issue of health and safety.

Nonsense, shot back the midwife, alleging a distinctly lesser degree of fastidiousness over the wearing of other traditional (religious) symbols and costume. And the game was afoot.

The heart of the matter was whether her lifestyle was capable of constituting a belief in accordance with the employment equality (religion or belief) regulations 2003, which have already seen beliefs in foxes' rights and the hypothesis of man-made global warming – not to mention a belief in the higher purpose of public service broadcasting – all ruled capable of being protected philosophical beliefs. As debates went, this was possibly a tad above the pay grade of a local employment tribunal.

I don't need to tell you that I live in a 24/7 M/s relationship, my slave/wife by my side both at work and at play, that is very obviously what this blog is all about.  She also wears a steel collar that is locked around her neck.

So, you'd think my natural sympathies would be with the midwife.  Perhaps I'm a contrarian, even for the BDSM community, but the only discrimination I am seeing is the apparent lack of discriminating behavior by the midwife.

One of the core tenets of the BDSM community is that our actions all take part between consenting adults.  I also need to qualify my personal beliefs by saying very clearly that I don't see consent as a totally black and white issue, just like with legal proceedings - there are always shades of gray.  With that said, it's generally accepted and advised that BDSM values shouldn't be imposed upon individuals from "vanilla" community.

Not an acceptable collar in my workplace!

I may very well be a contrarian, but I am also reasonable, and refusing to impose some particular forms of sexual expression on the unsuspecting public seems very reasonable.

So, now I'm having questions pop into my head - How exactly did things become unreasonable?  How did her collar become an issue?  Were their complaints by clients?  Is there an obvious lock present?  Are there overt markings denoting the jewelry as a slave collar?

You see, I'm pretty sure silver jewelry isn't out of the ordinary in the midwife profession . . .

So I'm just speculating, but I do think it's logical to assume this particular midwife's problem isn't the wearing of silver jewelry, but instead there is a specific problem her employer has with the style of her jewelry.  I can imagine some kinds of BDSM collars making clients uncomfortable, and as an employer I can completely understand why that is unacceptable.

I'm a business owner.  My slave/wife, in addition to being my servant at home, is my very capable administrative assistant at my office, so it's important to me that her collar blend in seamlessly in a professional setting.  I know it's difficult, but not impossible to find a solid steel collar that looks dressy even in the vanilla world but locks around a slave's neck.

Because, just as a slave lives with protocols under their Master's direction, so must an employee live with protocols devised by their employer.

letter to Wyred Slave - makers of my slave/wife's permanent collar

Dear Wyred Slave,

The collar is very beautiful and we are absolutely thrilled with our purchase, thank you very much!

We've started a blog about our life as a Master/slave husband and wife and intend to detail our purchase of a collar from you in a post very soon. The site's URL is http://spiritualbdsm.com/. I plan to send you a link to the post(s) about the collar you crafted for us once I've managed to shoot some pictures and write a glowing description of Wyred Slave.

We do plan to order more from you in the near future, as my wife/slave has requested a wrist and/or ankle bracelet to match her collar. I haven't told her yet, but I am also eyeing a locking belt as the picture of a locking belt over a corset on your site has given me inspiration!

I just wanted to say thank you again for the wonderful collar, it's a true pleasure doing business with you.

Sincere regards,

Michael Samadhi