prt-6 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On Self-Destructive behavior

Some people really have a longing for external correction and if it is not supplied to us as a child, or perhaps if it was imposed on us by overbearing adults we may we have a very real need of those boundaries as adults. And some of those adults can not even bring themselves to discipline their own children by brute methods but still feel the need to be “spanked” emotionally

I-74 Bridge Mississippi
photo by Serafina

I can understand the self-spanking thing as a child but why if you don't think that spanking is appropriate for your children . . . why then would you wish to require another adult to be responsible to discipline you for your short-comings? . . . and where do you then draw the line in the sand about determining if it was a prolonged form of assault or just some marital bedroom play.

just a thought. . .if you felt the need to want to spank yourself back as a child was that because you thought that there was a need for the naughty consequence? and was it there because your parent was inconsistent and in your purer state of mind there was some of that need for consistency factored in by any chance?

I think of God as my Father. he is loving and kind. Like most parents on earth he is patient and he eagerly looks for things that indicate proper development of each child, to learn, to gain in stature and strength, to explore his likes. I have never met a parent who hovers over his child just to "catch him in the act" so that he could met out punishment, and yet so many think of God sets traps for us and is wanting to punish. . . and that simply is not true.

Daffodil
photo by Serafina

A human being when he first arrives into this world has need to be completely controlled, because left to his own, they will perish. so we diaper him and feed him bath all the rest, but we do expect that some time soon he will begin to feed himself, walk, talk and even learn bladder and bowel self control. We expect them to learn how to take responsibility and become self-disciplined.

For me I do not need another fellow adult to assume responsibility to make me a better person. . at least not yet. . .and I am not responsible for the behavior of some other adult either, so I do not have to change anyone but myself. So I am what I am and I am fully responsible for me. Now I can ask someone to assist me, by reminders and maybe even incorporate that into play events, but never as a means for discipline!

Some. in regard to the parent - child scenario, don't have children. . . .and they role play in this regard. They tend to view it as an example as if a child is punished for misbehaving or not following the parents rules, so should a wife be. If punishment was always a deterrent for them as a child so they feel it should work as an adult. Unfortunately, if husband does not punish, their infractions are more frequent. Therefore they are hopeful that someone will help them to be more obedient. They seem to try to locate a place where there are a concrete set of rules to follow.

You see, I am so opposite of that kind thinking. That does not mean that either

of us is more correct. . . it is simple the way I understand . . let me explain. . .Marriage and relationships are built in an adult world. . . adults even supervise young children's relationships. . . .therefor a spouse would not dare to punish me for any infraction in my world. . .UNLESS it is strictly play

I am responsible for ME!

I am not responsible for my partner nor my friends much less acquaintances.. . . and I am pretty sure that no one is going to force you to

do anything. . . because in the end YOU! . . my dear are going to take responsibility for YOU!  In the end we all have to grow up!! It is called LIFE and learning to be submissive and and in that the submissive one holds all the power.

However how does one reach this level of submission?  That is the Million dollar question with a 5 cent answer. . .

You become completely responsible and be accountable to yourself, for yourself, by yourself. . . .how? . . .by practicing being the very best woman you can be. . .by being upright and trust-worthy in every aspect. . .

Of course some areas will require a lot of work and some areas may come naturally. . . let go of what is not important, and decide who/what really matters. . . don't forget to allow time for play and have fun, but realize even that is a type of work, or it can be,

because some of us don't know how to relax.

It likely won't be real easy. . . because breaking old habits can be difficult. . . but if you can refocus upon a new one and earn it for yourself, you begin to feel more accomplished and as you feel fulfilled, you begin to reach towards more of the same. . .

Now . . .when you are on such a journey you become more desirable and attract people. . .  what we are looking for,  is someone who who is like-minded and wants someone to mirror and complete them and you both.  Don't settle for less.  You deserve the best.

Submission is simple really. . . it is a meshing and dance that allows each of you your unique and separate identity by allowing him to take the role of leadership.  Within  that relationship you are each others primary concern and well-being.

Submission is very much like the old Swiss-made clocks. Inside you will see many little gears and springs, each doing the job they are designed to do. . . imagine what would happen is one of those parts were to get selfish and demand that other parts pick up and take over for them one day, because they just wanted to, or they thought they were far superior to all the rest?. . .

Even a King Pin holding it all together is nothing if he doesn't do his part . . or if he has nothing to hold together!

photo by Serafina

It will take you all the rest of your life to work it out. . . because as soon as you have something under your ownership another project will appear. . . not that you even work on one thing at any time. . . but you certainly have the ability to work on specifics.  Always watch over every aspect and be aware that in the areas we are confident in as being strong may become a point of vulnerability.  Then attacks there will be surprising, but if you focus too much on fixing and working on weaker points, the attacks and wear can buckle those strong areas.

So there ya go. . . you make the rules . . . or you can abdicate your power and let someone else hold you to the fire who might be some person with dysfunctional behavior. . . we all have choices. . .and so we better make them clearly.

I am aware that not everyone will agree with me.

What think you?  What is your experience?

prt-5 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On morals and ethics concerning triads, and whether we own our partners issues

I disagree about his issues being mine. . .because, . . I own my issues. . .and I make up my mind because I have choices. . . now that may mean I forfeit my preferences to honor him. . .once done, however it would be preferred to stay the course. . .therefore I advise make  choices very carefully and responsibly. . .

Now having said that I can share with you the way Master and I met would have turned religious people upside down in aghast!! . . .lol!!

I was actually proposed to by Masters now  former wife. . . to come into the relationship as a triad contract. . .unfortunately for her  jealousy set in.

turns out that she and Master have always had a very conflicted relationship and her instability could not be satisfied by anything Master accommodated for her. . . 

photo by Serafina

I am very much a Christian Believer and consequently I had to do a lot of introspect in needing to stand before the Creator in good conscientiousness. . .You realize that even in the time that Jesus walked this earth, that multiple wives was still very much the custom and it was continued for some time after. . . which is  why was it necessary for Timothy to teach that. . .

(1Ti 3:2) A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach
and it was Paul who advocated
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

He was aware that relationships require effort, time and work. . .especially if they wanted to share the ministry, and Paul was happy to have no domestic attachments. . .so from that I was also very aware that multiple wives were common all throughout the old Testament. . .and not even the ten commandments do not address the issue. . .

However Master and I are very satisfied and just do not want or need the extra fuss and energy other than for one another. . .and that we hold very close to our hearts

Not all are created equally

My advice is to chose wisely and very carefully. I mean that his moods and feeling and challenges impact me and our lives together. He can't have a major issue  that I would not be affected; even if he does not share his problems with me.

His issues do affect me, and likewise mine affect him also. . . in a commitment sharing means caring. . . but here's the thing. . . .if you say: that a part of his issue becomes mine and it is a commitment on my part to support all of his needs which can include what he may struggle with.”

I would respond that to do that there has to be total and complete trust for each of you. . . if there are questions. . . and I hear you wondering, and . . . he may have questioned your intents also . . . that tells me that there is not a total trust just yet. . . see if you can dialogue thru that. . . but please do it with a sweet serene disposition. . . and with eyes and heart wide open. . . and I wish you peace and wisdom.

photo by Serafina

Someone shared: “ . . . it made me happy to hear Him say that. He has accepted my gift of submission exclusive to Him. And i realize that i am no longer a wife wanting to submit to her husband. i am a submissive wife. i have a lot to learn and improve upon, but fresh submission is still valuable. Wee! i feel giddy! ^_^”

. . . what is stated here is a very great place to start. . . now it would be prudent  to continue keeping your house in order, and making your children your children mind, is the greatest gift you can offer. . .

Many folks think that being a submissive is something that is concrete rather than something that is abstract . . . (see the adjective descriptions.)  Yet, ironically it is the abstract that becomes something concrete! . . let me explain by showing what happened to you.

You realize that submission first is a state of being and then actions follow that recognition . . ie you got the love, and compassion for you husband etc. All of it begins in your heart and flows forth from there. Many days it may not feel that special, in fact many times it might even feel like the old grungy days and nothing more but what has changed is you hold the reins of your heart and you keep in check those actions that are detrimental to your chosen station in life.

So how do you begin? with baby steps, and simply one step at a time!

as you become aware, you incorporate another concept and translate those into actions. . . and yeah! it is easy to say and takes a life-time to achieve.

The reward is the satisfaction you have for being at peace within and accepting whatever life throws at you no matter if you wanted them in the first place. I don't know of any one ever signed up to be caregivers of difficult and aging parents, or all the myriads of life appointment's and frustrations but most of us are given such a task at some point or other anyway. We need to be at peace with that, . . even if it may have turned your life up-side-down

Adj. 1. concrete - capable of being perceived by the senses; not abstract or imaginary; "concrete objects such as trees" real, existent - being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not illusory; "real objects"; "real people; not ghosts"; "a film based on real life"; "a real illness"; "real humility"; "Life is real! Life is earnest!"- Longfellow tangible, touchable - perceptible by the senses especially the sense of touch; "skin with a tangible roughness"

adj. 1. abstract - existing only in the mind; separated from embodiment; "abstract words like `truth' and `justice'"-. Considered apart from concrete existence: an abstract concept. - Difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract philosophical problems. - Thought of or stated without reference to a specific instance: abstract words like truth and justice. - Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation: abstract painting and sculpture.

prt-2 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

Cringing at the word Submission

At one time I hated the word submission. . . I cringed every time it was mentioned and I had heard many eloquent and passionate sermons thumped out browbeating women of their need to be submissive to their husbands.  But with time and patience of the Creator, I have come to understand submission in a deep and beautiful way.

In our relationship I am submissive. .. . it does carry over into everyday life. . . but it is when we play- that it becomes front and center.. . .and it is then I call him sir or Master and remember to say and ask for things with much fanfare and flair!. . . we each have equal but very different responsibilities. . . and I always give way to what he wants. . . and of course he sees to it that I am happy.

I am a person who works best independently. . .as in finding appropriate solutions and doing a fine job. I do not like to have someone scrutinizing every move unless I ask for it because I am learning a new thing. If I have a job,task to do I do it with all my might and do not require supervision, and I am a leader in my own right also.

Pelicans on the Mississippi
photo by Serafina

There are some things that I excel at and there are things Master excels at more than I. That does not mean that I should not attempt to increase my skills, in fact I am encouraged to continue to become the very best person I can become.

Like others have also said. . . our journey is ours and we decide how to shape that. . . and it happens when you discuss and communicate. . . LOTS!!

Someone shared with me :

“All my life, i have always been more passive. i don't like confrontation and would rather compromise to make others happy. . .”

I responded:

I am thinking that by passive you mean in a correct context as in non-confrontational , and giving way to decisions made by your husband, and having his back at all times with the kids, etc. . . and then you add that you would rather compromise to make others happy. . . .but what if he won't have your back?

What will happen when your little ones turn into teens-(and they will turn into one!) want to put a lock on their bedroom door for a way to have their "privacy", and your husband undermines your morals, agrees with your young teen, and loosens all rules and it is OK for your child and the friend of opposite sex to be left unattended in that bedroom from the moment they get out of school until a parent pick the boy up around 11:30 pm??? And hubby even helps install the lock :o

Will you be passive then :?:

I actually believe you are a truly and naturally a sweet submissive just like many of us are. . . others have to work much more carefully at it. . .

and I would hope that we do not resort to excusing ourselves by saying things like because I am submissive, I can not be held responsible for anything. . .

It is most important to be very careful about what you don't protect, because you can end up not being or getting deserved appreciated for making others happy . . . . and what happens is- when you bury or stifle your own happiness, it can turn into depression because you will become resentful and angry inside.

I Am Deciding

photo by Serafina Samadhi

Have you recently, or ever. . made an important decision? Was it life-changing? or a minor correction?
How did that decision affect you and the ones you love? Would you decide the same way again? Did BDSM or Spirituality influence you?

Temptation at Lillooet - pt. 2

continued from Temptation at Lillooet - pt. 1 . . .

The shock of finding her on my doorstep, like a lost little birdie, was wearing off.  The immediate nurturing instinct was turning into rational (and perhaps irrational) curiosity.

For Christ's sake, I thought to myself impatiently, what the devil have I got myself into?  What to do now? Why had this waif appeared?  Why now, on the eve of the damn storm? What the fuck am I going to do?

My mind and my heart both raced . . . I took a deep breath.  I had nothing, no recollection of this girl.

So I bluffed.

Doing my best to exude calm and project reassurance and authority with my voice, I spoke.

"Well Grettja . . . " I said flashing my best reassuring smile, all the while still trying to rack my memory for some recollection of the young blonde waif who'd delivered herself to my doorstep.

"I do have a recollection . . . but it doesn't seem proper to impose my faulty memory on such a beautiful and proper young lady . . . perhaps you can tell what you remember of me?" I asked, hoping for some cues to jog my brain.

"I'm not THAT proper you know," Grettja blurted a little insolently.

I think I scowled a bit in return.

She took a little breath and quickly corrected herself.

"I mean, respectfully Sir,"  Grettja said,  "My being here itself isn't very proper, now is it?"

My this little one has some pluck, I remember thinking, but her response didn't give me anything for frame of reference.  For the life of me, I could not understand how this pert little blonde knew anything about me.

"It's starting to get dark in here," I countered, "Excuse me while I light a lamp or two.  Then I'll need to feed the fire, before I come back to carry on our conversation."  It really was starting to get dark, and I thought that with a few more moments my memory might become productive.

My cabin looks rustic, the style is deliberate, I'm comfortable with the look of the dark rough wood, but it offers all the modern amenities I might care to enjoy.  The one significant thing I lacked was a regular and reliable source of electricity, not a critical lack at all, at least not for someone like myself who honestly prefers the flicker of a hurricane lamp when the sun has gone down.

As I nonchalantly puttered around the cabin, feeding fires and lighting lamps, I tried to surreptitiously eye Grettja.  At the same time, I was also covertly covering some of the more incriminating hardware lurking in the shadows of my cabin.

Oh my, oh dear, I am sorry my dear reader, I may have accidentally sent your mind reeling.  About now you must be asking yourself whatever I might mean by the phrase "incriminating hardware?"

Am I some kind of criminal mastermind? Perhaps I'm hiding my lock picks and other sinister tools?  For all you know I could even be some kind a murderer or serial killer who's just hit the jackpot?  Maybe you are thinking I'm one of those crazy Canadian pot farmers, holed up in his cabin with hordes of clones, jars full of buds, and the like?

Oh yes, I must certainly explain a bit about myself before continuing with the Grettja's story.  No sense in leaving my readers hanging about on such a critical detail.  I am not a criminal, and I break no laws, but at first glance, not knowing any better, some items in my humble abode might give the wrong impression.

You see, I am a sadomasochist.  I am a very serious aficionado of the fine arts of bondage, domination, and discipline.  My greatest pleasure is to enslave a willing captive, to torment and control them.  To a pair of innocent eyes like I assumed Grettja's to be, parts of my cabin might resemble a torture chamber worthy of Torquemada's Inquisition.

I certainly wasn't accustomed to unexpected visits from the uninitiated.  As a strong and trustworthy dominant I'd never lacked for play partners, a fact for which I was rather proud of myself, so I generally left my accouterments in plain site, and made no attempts to hide restraint points and suspension rings I'd built into my cabin's interior.

I'm not ashamed of my perverted predilections, but I just felt it was not appropriate to expose an innocent girl to such things.  I certainly wanted no quarrel with anyone over accusations that I'd corrupted some innocent, that kind of thing could ruin anyone.

Additionally, I knew the Amish community and their deep conservatism.  I certainly differed with them in terms of faith, but as a man who styled himself to be along the lines of an "old world craftsman" in terms of trade and profession, I respected their attachment to the old ways.

As I returned to sit across from Gretja, I saw that she'd finished warming herself, had discarded the blanket I'd given her, as well as removed her wet socks and shoes.   I found her reclining on my sofa, with bare feet, and what I can only describe as an artfully affected smile of seduction.

Accepting Your Body but Making Changes

There is a great move amongst the BDSM community for acceptance for all types of sexual desires, be it straight, gay, lesbian, masochistic, sadistic, gentle, Tantric, and many others diversions and interests.  In our circle, we do applaud acceptance.  And we do accept what other people do is OK, even if it does not fit us, it is what it is, and it is out there. 

In general, people have also taken acceptance a step further to embrace people shapes and weight differences.  At the Samadhi Household we endorse that kind of acceptance, although with a caveat.

We are aging. . . and not always with dignity!  Our libido and desire is running strong, but as our bodies are aging we are more and more aware that we would like a lot more time to enjoy our play activities without issues caused by our own lack of due care and attention to bad habits causing related health issues.   One of the primary issues are diet and exercise.

Neither of us is anywhere near the size we want to be.  In life it is far too easy to allow things to slide.  Some call it the Dunlop feature.   Where the chest "dunlop" over and now sits in the middle- we call the spare tire!!    Humor aside it is really a critical situation.  We are frequent flyers to the Dr.OZ show; and often we do not like what we are hearing, because it hits us where we need to address change. 

We are both overweight, and have been working to lose the excess for some time.  Master has lost over 50 lbs and is working on not only keeping it off, but losing even more, and building up stamina through strength-building exercise, and building a strong and robust immune system as well.

We have long acknowledged that our bodies are a Spiritual Temple, but like most others we have neglected,  or even worse, failed to honor them.  Now at every opportunity we are becoming more mindful of looking after and reverencing the time we have left to us and hope and work towards redeeming whatever we can. 

No matter what you believe in, or practice, whether it be New Age, Tantra, Buddhism, Christian, Hinduism, or some mixture of many like we do, or none at all;  It behooves us to be aware of and make correct changes in the way we care for and especially feed our bodies.  America's biggest current health problem is obesity.  It is THE factor for diabetes, cancer, heart problems, and many other associated illnesses.  Obesity is often at the root of emotional and psychological problems as well.

We fully embrace acceptance!  And, we fully embrace responsibility and self-control.  As we develop our strategy we will likely be sharing some of those.  (for example we shared that to start each day with breakfast that is healthy, nutritious, and even delicious!)  And we look at our past and current habits and make better choices, we are giving ourselves what we deserve.  And if we truly value our relationships, why rob them of years and health and pleasure simply because we choose to satisfy all our appetites now without regard to whether or not our actions are harmful to our health and well-being.

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cane break

Insomnia leads us to interesting places, or so I tell myself . . .

This short post is based around an interesting quote I ran across about holly sticks.   Whether it's also of interest to you will depend greatly on your interest in the discipline element of BDSM, and whether, like me, you enjoy odd and exotic snips about exotic punishment tools.

While not as famous or well known as their cousin, the so called "English Cane" or "School Masters Cane" made of rattan, the holly stick, or holly whip as it's also called in this quote, is a somewhat less commonly used instrument of discipline found in the BDSM parlor or dungeon.

    The breaking of hollies is a constant source of annoyance, more so perhaps to the manufacturer who only gets grumbled at than to the saddler who can charge for the repair. An unsound stick may occasionally escape detection, but the amount of trying that the sticks get during dressing and thronging is so considerable that very few rotten or weak sticks can get passed, the only defect that is likely to get missed is what is called an "open knot" that is one going very deep into the wood and such may occasionally overlooked, as the whip may be smacked in every direc-tion but one and stand it all right, but if smacked in that one direction, the knot may open, and the stick will break.
   It is really astonishing how often, according to the user's account, the stick broke "the first time I smacked it." It will be found more often than not, when holly sticks are brought back broken, that the end of the thong is squeezed and grease-marked, shewing that it has been caught round the wheel or axle; or that the thong is scored and marked where it is quilled up, shewing that it has been against the top of the coach-house door or into some low hanging boughs in a lane, rather than that there was any real fault in the stick itself. We know that the saddler very frequently dare not point out such factors, but he may remind a customer that the top of a holly whip is not as thick as a lead pencil, and consequently, although it will stand fair, it will not stand rough, usage.


    -- excerpted from Whips and Whip Making by W.G. Ashford, Birmingham England 1893

I suppose the quote is just as much about human nature as it is about breaking punishment canes.

"It broke the first time I used it," has to rate right up with, "The dog ate my homework," for self-serving phrases uttered to avoid responsibility for one's own actions.

As a dominant, I can't complain really.  I have benefited from this quirk of human nature on more than one occasion in the past.

You see, for some, the act of submission is simply another way to avoid feeling responsible for the nasty things they dream of having done to them.

When a scene is over and they are flying on endorphins, there's a built in excuse for them too . . .

"Master made me do it!"

Yes I did.

But, I didn't eat your homework.

it's hard to tie the argument down

A judge ruled last week that consensual slavery is not a protected belief in the U.K. - Believing in Bondage.

The crux of the story is a midwife who was fired from her work for wearing her silver slave collar, and the counter assertion that her dismissal was discriminatory.

Opposition to fox-hunting and a commitment to combat climate change may now be protected under the law – but the UK is not yet ready to recognise "consensual slavery".

The issue arose last week as the long-predicted collision between protections for "philosophical belief" and proponents of the BDSM (bondage, discipline, sado-masochistic) lifestyle hit the courts in Bedford. In balance was the claim by a local midwife that her dismissal for wearing an emblem of her beliefs – a silver collar – was discriminatory.

Not so, according to North and East Herts Health Authority, which represented this as purely an issue of health and safety.

Nonsense, shot back the midwife, alleging a distinctly lesser degree of fastidiousness over the wearing of other traditional (religious) symbols and costume. And the game was afoot.

The heart of the matter was whether her lifestyle was capable of constituting a belief in accordance with the employment equality (religion or belief) regulations 2003, which have already seen beliefs in foxes' rights and the hypothesis of man-made global warming – not to mention a belief in the higher purpose of public service broadcasting – all ruled capable of being protected philosophical beliefs. As debates went, this was possibly a tad above the pay grade of a local employment tribunal.

I don't need to tell you that I live in a 24/7 M/s relationship, my slave/wife by my side both at work and at play, that is very obviously what this blog is all about.  She also wears a steel collar that is locked around her neck.

So, you'd think my natural sympathies would be with the midwife.  Perhaps I'm a contrarian, even for the BDSM community, but the only discrimination I am seeing is the apparent lack of discriminating behavior by the midwife.

One of the core tenets of the BDSM community is that our actions all take part between consenting adults.  I also need to qualify my personal beliefs by saying very clearly that I don't see consent as a totally black and white issue, just like with legal proceedings - there are always shades of gray.  With that said, it's generally accepted and advised that BDSM values shouldn't be imposed upon individuals from "vanilla" community.

Not an acceptable collar in my workplace!

I may very well be a contrarian, but I am also reasonable, and refusing to impose some particular forms of sexual expression on the unsuspecting public seems very reasonable.

So, now I'm having questions pop into my head - How exactly did things become unreasonable?  How did her collar become an issue?  Were their complaints by clients?  Is there an obvious lock present?  Are there overt markings denoting the jewelry as a slave collar?

You see, I'm pretty sure silver jewelry isn't out of the ordinary in the midwife profession . . .

So I'm just speculating, but I do think it's logical to assume this particular midwife's problem isn't the wearing of silver jewelry, but instead there is a specific problem her employer has with the style of her jewelry.  I can imagine some kinds of BDSM collars making clients uncomfortable, and as an employer I can completely understand why that is unacceptable.

I'm a business owner.  My slave/wife, in addition to being my servant at home, is my very capable administrative assistant at my office, so it's important to me that her collar blend in seamlessly in a professional setting.  I know it's difficult, but not impossible to find a solid steel collar that looks dressy even in the vanilla world but locks around a slave's neck.

Because, just as a slave lives with protocols under their Master's direction, so must an employee live with protocols devised by their employer.