prt-6 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On Self-Destructive behavior

Some people really have a longing for external correction and if it is not supplied to us as a child, or perhaps if it was imposed on us by overbearing adults we may we have a very real need of those boundaries as adults. And some of those adults can not even bring themselves to discipline their own children by brute methods but still feel the need to be “spanked” emotionally

I-74 Bridge Mississippi
photo by Serafina

I can understand the self-spanking thing as a child but why if you don't think that spanking is appropriate for your children . . . why then would you wish to require another adult to be responsible to discipline you for your short-comings? . . . and where do you then draw the line in the sand about determining if it was a prolonged form of assault or just some marital bedroom play.

just a thought. . .if you felt the need to want to spank yourself back as a child was that because you thought that there was a need for the naughty consequence? and was it there because your parent was inconsistent and in your purer state of mind there was some of that need for consistency factored in by any chance?

I think of God as my Father. he is loving and kind. Like most parents on earth he is patient and he eagerly looks for things that indicate proper development of each child, to learn, to gain in stature and strength, to explore his likes. I have never met a parent who hovers over his child just to "catch him in the act" so that he could met out punishment, and yet so many think of God sets traps for us and is wanting to punish. . . and that simply is not true.

Daffodil
photo by Serafina

A human being when he first arrives into this world has need to be completely controlled, because left to his own, they will perish. so we diaper him and feed him bath all the rest, but we do expect that some time soon he will begin to feed himself, walk, talk and even learn bladder and bowel self control. We expect them to learn how to take responsibility and become self-disciplined.

For me I do not need another fellow adult to assume responsibility to make me a better person. . at least not yet. . .and I am not responsible for the behavior of some other adult either, so I do not have to change anyone but myself. So I am what I am and I am fully responsible for me. Now I can ask someone to assist me, by reminders and maybe even incorporate that into play events, but never as a means for discipline!

Some. in regard to the parent - child scenario, don't have children. . . .and they role play in this regard. They tend to view it as an example as if a child is punished for misbehaving or not following the parents rules, so should a wife be. If punishment was always a deterrent for them as a child so they feel it should work as an adult. Unfortunately, if husband does not punish, their infractions are more frequent. Therefore they are hopeful that someone will help them to be more obedient. They seem to try to locate a place where there are a concrete set of rules to follow.

You see, I am so opposite of that kind thinking. That does not mean that either

of us is more correct. . . it is simple the way I understand . . let me explain. . .Marriage and relationships are built in an adult world. . . adults even supervise young children's relationships. . . .therefor a spouse would not dare to punish me for any infraction in my world. . .UNLESS it is strictly play

I am responsible for ME!

I am not responsible for my partner nor my friends much less acquaintances.. . . and I am pretty sure that no one is going to force you to

do anything. . . because in the end YOU! . . my dear are going to take responsibility for YOU!  In the end we all have to grow up!! It is called LIFE and learning to be submissive and and in that the submissive one holds all the power.

However how does one reach this level of submission?  That is the Million dollar question with a 5 cent answer. . .

You become completely responsible and be accountable to yourself, for yourself, by yourself. . . .how? . . .by practicing being the very best woman you can be. . .by being upright and trust-worthy in every aspect. . .

Of course some areas will require a lot of work and some areas may come naturally. . . let go of what is not important, and decide who/what really matters. . . don't forget to allow time for play and have fun, but realize even that is a type of work, or it can be,

because some of us don't know how to relax.

It likely won't be real easy. . . because breaking old habits can be difficult. . . but if you can refocus upon a new one and earn it for yourself, you begin to feel more accomplished and as you feel fulfilled, you begin to reach towards more of the same. . .

Now . . .when you are on such a journey you become more desirable and attract people. . .  what we are looking for,  is someone who who is like-minded and wants someone to mirror and complete them and you both.  Don't settle for less.  You deserve the best.

Submission is simple really. . . it is a meshing and dance that allows each of you your unique and separate identity by allowing him to take the role of leadership.  Within  that relationship you are each others primary concern and well-being.

Submission is very much like the old Swiss-made clocks. Inside you will see many little gears and springs, each doing the job they are designed to do. . . imagine what would happen is one of those parts were to get selfish and demand that other parts pick up and take over for them one day, because they just wanted to, or they thought they were far superior to all the rest?. . .

Even a King Pin holding it all together is nothing if he doesn't do his part . . or if he has nothing to hold together!

photo by Serafina

It will take you all the rest of your life to work it out. . . because as soon as you have something under your ownership another project will appear. . . not that you even work on one thing at any time. . . but you certainly have the ability to work on specifics.  Always watch over every aspect and be aware that in the areas we are confident in as being strong may become a point of vulnerability.  Then attacks there will be surprising, but if you focus too much on fixing and working on weaker points, the attacks and wear can buckle those strong areas.

So there ya go. . . you make the rules . . . or you can abdicate your power and let someone else hold you to the fire who might be some person with dysfunctional behavior. . . we all have choices. . .and so we better make them clearly.

I am aware that not everyone will agree with me.

What think you?  What is your experience?

prt-5 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On morals and ethics concerning triads, and whether we own our partners issues

I disagree about his issues being mine. . .because, . . I own my issues. . .and I make up my mind because I have choices. . . now that may mean I forfeit my preferences to honor him. . .once done, however it would be preferred to stay the course. . .therefore I advise make  choices very carefully and responsibly. . .

Now having said that I can share with you the way Master and I met would have turned religious people upside down in aghast!! . . .lol!!

I was actually proposed to by Masters now  former wife. . . to come into the relationship as a triad contract. . .unfortunately for her  jealousy set in.

turns out that she and Master have always had a very conflicted relationship and her instability could not be satisfied by anything Master accommodated for her. . . 

photo by Serafina

I am very much a Christian Believer and consequently I had to do a lot of introspect in needing to stand before the Creator in good conscientiousness. . .You realize that even in the time that Jesus walked this earth, that multiple wives was still very much the custom and it was continued for some time after. . . which is  why was it necessary for Timothy to teach that. . .

(1Ti 3:2) A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach
and it was Paul who advocated
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

He was aware that relationships require effort, time and work. . .especially if they wanted to share the ministry, and Paul was happy to have no domestic attachments. . .so from that I was also very aware that multiple wives were common all throughout the old Testament. . .and not even the ten commandments do not address the issue. . .

However Master and I are very satisfied and just do not want or need the extra fuss and energy other than for one another. . .and that we hold very close to our hearts

Not all are created equally

My advice is to chose wisely and very carefully. I mean that his moods and feeling and challenges impact me and our lives together. He can't have a major issue  that I would not be affected; even if he does not share his problems with me.

His issues do affect me, and likewise mine affect him also. . . in a commitment sharing means caring. . . but here's the thing. . . .if you say: that a part of his issue becomes mine and it is a commitment on my part to support all of his needs which can include what he may struggle with.”

I would respond that to do that there has to be total and complete trust for each of you. . . if there are questions. . . and I hear you wondering, and . . . he may have questioned your intents also . . . that tells me that there is not a total trust just yet. . . see if you can dialogue thru that. . . but please do it with a sweet serene disposition. . . and with eyes and heart wide open. . . and I wish you peace and wisdom.

photo by Serafina

Someone shared: “ . . . it made me happy to hear Him say that. He has accepted my gift of submission exclusive to Him. And i realize that i am no longer a wife wanting to submit to her husband. i am a submissive wife. i have a lot to learn and improve upon, but fresh submission is still valuable. Wee! i feel giddy! ^_^”

. . . what is stated here is a very great place to start. . . now it would be prudent  to continue keeping your house in order, and making your children your children mind, is the greatest gift you can offer. . .

Many folks think that being a submissive is something that is concrete rather than something that is abstract . . . (see the adjective descriptions.)  Yet, ironically it is the abstract that becomes something concrete! . . let me explain by showing what happened to you.

You realize that submission first is a state of being and then actions follow that recognition . . ie you got the love, and compassion for you husband etc. All of it begins in your heart and flows forth from there. Many days it may not feel that special, in fact many times it might even feel like the old grungy days and nothing more but what has changed is you hold the reins of your heart and you keep in check those actions that are detrimental to your chosen station in life.

So how do you begin? with baby steps, and simply one step at a time!

as you become aware, you incorporate another concept and translate those into actions. . . and yeah! it is easy to say and takes a life-time to achieve.

The reward is the satisfaction you have for being at peace within and accepting whatever life throws at you no matter if you wanted them in the first place. I don't know of any one ever signed up to be caregivers of difficult and aging parents, or all the myriads of life appointment's and frustrations but most of us are given such a task at some point or other anyway. We need to be at peace with that, . . even if it may have turned your life up-side-down

Adj. 1. concrete - capable of being perceived by the senses; not abstract or imaginary; "concrete objects such as trees" real, existent - being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not illusory; "real objects"; "real people; not ghosts"; "a film based on real life"; "a real illness"; "real humility"; "Life is real! Life is earnest!"- Longfellow tangible, touchable - perceptible by the senses especially the sense of touch; "skin with a tangible roughness"

adj. 1. abstract - existing only in the mind; separated from embodiment; "abstract words like `truth' and `justice'"-. Considered apart from concrete existence: an abstract concept. - Difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract philosophical problems. - Thought of or stated without reference to a specific instance: abstract words like truth and justice. - Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation: abstract painting and sculpture.

Affiliation Disclaimer Disclosure and the "Right to Know"

Disclosures and disclaimers aren't sexy or fun, but they are necessary to give readers a true sense of whether a reviewer might have divided loyalties.  Even if you don't read much further in the text of this blog at least stay long enough to read the first three paragraphs that begin this post.  They are the primary message.

Most, but certainly not all, sex bloggers who do reviews on their site enter into some kind of affiliation with a company producing or marketing adult toys.  Some enter into a number of such relationships with various toy makers and vendors.  If we enter into any affiliate relationship with a company, it will be disclosed here in the body of the blog.

When we do informational reviews for products or vendors, we will clearly state at the end of the review whether we have any affiliation, or would receive any compensation /consideration in return for the review.  If we receive any free products to test, we will clearly state in a disclaimer at the end of the post that we received the item for review and did not purchase it for ourselves.

We haven't yet entered into any affiliate relationships ourselves, and we are currently debating if that direction is a good fit for us here at SpiritualBDSM.com.

You see, just as musicians have influences upon which they build their own style, writers also have influences and authors who have inspired or instructed.  While I can't say that my personal writing style was influenced by a sex blogger, or any other online source, the actual decision to become sex bloggers ourselves was inspired by a good number of today's blogs, as well as a couple I've followed but are no longer active.

Some of our favorite blogs are affiliated with one or more companies, and in some cases they might even derive a modest income from their blog.  Other's are clearly non-commercial with nary an advertisement or affiliation to be found.  We read both kind of blogs and enjoy them all.

 I've written professionally, I earned my living with my communications skills for the last 25 years.  As such it wouldn't be unreasonable for Serafina and I to seek affiliates and advertisers to garner some token compensation for our efforts here.  One example of a non fetish blog that I believe does this well is KenRockwell.com.  Ken's a professional photographer who supports himself with his website, not by having a pay site, but with a few select affiliations and with reader's donations.

On the other hand, about 5 years ago Serafina and I had a non-fetish related blog (that drew 1000 to 1500 unique visits per day) and we never once accepted any advertisement nor a single affiliation arrangement.  For legal reasons I let the domain and site expire while going thru a divorce - on principle I killed my effort rather than let it be taken over and monetized by my former spouse.

So, we are in progress of making decisions regarding affiliation with companies serving the adult toy and BDSM toy markets.  If we do choose to become affiliates of any vendor or manufacturer, we will announce it here among the blog's posts, not hidden away on some page that is rarely noticed.  

It is all based on our belief that readers have the right to know!