Finding Submission -a very honest question

I was cruising through the list of blogs we visit like I often do.  Sometimes I comment if I think that I can contribute something positive or constructive.

 Today I found a post with a very simple question, and it inspired me to ponder the question.  Just how much of what makes a person who is willing to become a Submissive slave compelling to a Dominant becomes lost as she looses herself to her Dominant?  In other words, How much does a Submissive repress their goals, talents, or even her natural charm to become what the Sub thinks the Dominant wants.  And is that the result the Dominant is looking for?

Photo by Serafna Samahdi

Ideally, I think it should be that a Dominant would desire to let her shine and polish and enhance her abilities.  I am not sure when and how that happens, but it seems that way, especially as I read fantasy and personal accounts of activities.

Perhaps it is because the authors assume their kink is everyone's kink.  Many authors leave out the  details about how enjoyable it was to be humiliated, used for sex, and dropped off when she did not get even one thing she longed and hoped  for in the beginning of the story.  It escapes me somehow that a smart, talented person who jeopardize her entire career to do things that would bring any hopes of success to a complete halt by public scandal, yet I read stories like that so much of the time. 

I am guessing that a lot of what is fantasy is simply that . . . fantasy.  I have no issues with fantasy.  I do have concerns that people are less able to separate fantasy from facts of living, and begin to live out aspects of fantasy that are fool-hearty.

I am also aware that there are submissives who do not have clear goals, dreams or even a clue about many things and might be in need of mentoring from a qualified Dominant.

I do struggle with 24/7 slavery at times.  I do not struggle at all with submission.  I embrace submission with all I am and have.  I willingly sacrifice my agendas, and ideas to support that of Master.  But I do think for myself.  I don't believe that another person has any obligation to deliver punishment.  I believe personally that everyone has an obligation to self-correct as much as possible.  I also believe that every person has the right to ask for assistance if they feel defeated in their own efforts.  However I am also convinced that attempting to control behavior, actions and thoughts by force of any kind does no good and brings resentment to both the Dominant and the Submissive.

I do welcome comments, as I am being incredibly transparent with my questions and thoughts. I am happy to try and expand what is not clear to our dear readers.

Thanks for stopping by.
Respectfully,
Serafina Samadhi

EDIT:  I want everyone to be aware that I am very deeply devoted to Master Michael.  He is very careful to actually encourage me to become the very best me I can be. . he is even allowing me to attend Belly-Dance classes.  He would give me the moon if I wanted it.  Master is not the problem, just so you know. 

Leaving the world at the door

In my previous post- Sliding into Submission - working it out in real life I wanted to begin a dialogue which will help us as a couple to create a very real way to step into and back out of the work-day world.  I have been doing a lot of pondering on that topic.

photo by Serafina Samadhi

Some in BDSM relationships  have very intense routines and protocols.  Routines could involve greetings, positions, and other actions that establish "We are now leaving the outside world behind and entering our sacred place."   Most of us have certain things we do. . like setting our keys, bag , and coat away.  And changing into "home" clothes.  Many of have learned that in order to keep track of things, it is helpful to consistently do some things repetitively.

In our BDSM world, there are more  people who implement protocols and rituals for some very valid reasons.  It seems like they develop an awareness or they realize a need.  One primary consideration would be the need to keep prying and critical eyes out of our affairs.   We do live in a very real planet and we do have to earn a living,  Even as "freaks" we have basic needs to clothe, feed and shelter.  But as freaks we tend to be- in general - more mindful then - to have a clear delineation between the differing realities.  Rituals do however, provide a core structure around which everything else is built.

In a Vanilla world one does come across people who have the ability to have great relationships, but the Vanilla Society in general is not nearly as concerned with people interaction as is the BDSM community.  By that I mean that I have heard so many women wish that their husbands would spend ANY quality time with them.  In the BDSM relationships, that are both loving and spiritual, that some women are learning to be careful what they wish for, as they may have far more attention bestowed upon then they were prepared for.   In Spiritual BDSM it is ALL about each other,  For some that can be overwhelming, and for others it is very comforting.  For me it is the latter, but there is a learning curve, never-the-less.

In the BDSM Realm,  we are a diverse society.  We represent all ages and backgrounds and experiences.  Submissives, Slaves, or Dominants or Master. . .there are none  alike and every unit decides on and works out certain protocols and rituals based on what satisfies a particular need.  If the Master is wise he will be sensitive to just where his submissive partner is at.  Is she young?, what is her background?, what are her strengths? will all be important to deciding on creating rituals.  If she is from a strong Catholic or other setting, she may find much comfort and stability in patterns that imitate such as a meditation rosary, or other liturgy.  Depending on the person, they may be self-disciplined or may be in need of accountability.

Bearing in mind that all relationship require negotiation and acceptance by both the Dom and the Sub; the older, experienced  or natural submissive may only need and desire more subtle protocols or whatever is both suitable and desirable by the sub.  Even when the Dom sets out strong rules, the sub commits to those by action, contract or in any written or verbal form- it is a deliberate choice - even if at a sooner or later point, they have a change of heart.  I see more people who vacillate, because they really have never thought much of anything out at all, nor do they even know what they really want. All that is the subject of navigation and negotiation, and creating, planning and living the rituals and protocols is also a big part of that.

The bottom line is that rituals and protocols need to work for everyone.  Different strokes for different folks.  What I get or take from a ritual may look very different for some other.  I may place value on a method that may look stupid or be revolting to another.  What is important is the results.  If it pleases the Dom and Sub has no moral issues with an act or behavior, and if it places both in a reciprocal space, it is working well.  What really matters is how well is it working for you?

It is so easy to loose sight of our intentions.  We mean to keep them but all the cares and concerns we have become so ever present and it is easier not to pay attention to our goals.  Maybe it's time to spend a little less time pursuing all the wonders of the internet, and instead turn and face each other in a Tantric activity.  It is something to ponder.

you knew nobody would judge you . . .

 (photo by Serafina Samadhi)

I want to dance!

But I am shy . . .

It reminds me of a quote that's very near and dear to me:

“Dance like there's nobody watching,


Love like you'll never be hurt.


Sing like there's nobody listening,


And live like it's heaven on earth.”

- William W. Purkey

Accepting Your Body but Making Changes

There is a great move amongst the BDSM community for acceptance for all types of sexual desires, be it straight, gay, lesbian, masochistic, sadistic, gentle, Tantric, and many others diversions and interests.  In our circle, we do applaud acceptance.  And we do accept what other people do is OK, even if it does not fit us, it is what it is, and it is out there. 

In general, people have also taken acceptance a step further to embrace people shapes and weight differences.  At the Samadhi Household we endorse that kind of acceptance, although with a caveat.

We are aging. . . and not always with dignity!  Our libido and desire is running strong, but as our bodies are aging we are more and more aware that we would like a lot more time to enjoy our play activities without issues caused by our own lack of due care and attention to bad habits causing related health issues.   One of the primary issues are diet and exercise.

Neither of us is anywhere near the size we want to be.  In life it is far too easy to allow things to slide.  Some call it the Dunlop feature.   Where the chest "dunlop" over and now sits in the middle- we call the spare tire!!    Humor aside it is really a critical situation.  We are frequent flyers to the Dr.OZ show; and often we do not like what we are hearing, because it hits us where we need to address change. 

We are both overweight, and have been working to lose the excess for some time.  Master has lost over 50 lbs and is working on not only keeping it off, but losing even more, and building up stamina through strength-building exercise, and building a strong and robust immune system as well.

We have long acknowledged that our bodies are a Spiritual Temple, but like most others we have neglected,  or even worse, failed to honor them.  Now at every opportunity we are becoming more mindful of looking after and reverencing the time we have left to us and hope and work towards redeeming whatever we can. 

No matter what you believe in, or practice, whether it be New Age, Tantra, Buddhism, Christian, Hinduism, or some mixture of many like we do, or none at all;  It behooves us to be aware of and make correct changes in the way we care for and especially feed our bodies.  America's biggest current health problem is obesity.  It is THE factor for diabetes, cancer, heart problems, and many other associated illnesses.  Obesity is often at the root of emotional and psychological problems as well.

We fully embrace acceptance!  And, we fully embrace responsibility and self-control.  As we develop our strategy we will likely be sharing some of those.  (for example we shared that to start each day with breakfast that is healthy, nutritious, and even delicious!)  And we look at our past and current habits and make better choices, we are giving ourselves what we deserve.  And if we truly value our relationships, why rob them of years and health and pleasure simply because we choose to satisfy all our appetites now without regard to whether or not our actions are harmful to our health and well-being.