prt-4 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

O Depression!

Did you know BTW, that all depression is rooted in some kind of anger. . . that is what I was taught in a women's issues support group. That statement hit me like an avalanche . . and has given me a new perspective and a need to self evaluate. . . if I feel depressed- what am I angry about?

Sometimes depression can also be triggered by insufficient light . . hang in there- the days are getting longer. . . . (you might have SADs)

try are remember that altogether too soon the little ones will not be little anymore. . . and fly away. . .

Oh how I wish I could go back and redo the time I did not spend with them and spend what I did differently-- more quality and purposeful. . .

Purposeful I think is the key. . . if I only knew then what I know so fully now. . . maybe, just maybe I could have things better now. . .

Hope
photo by Serafina

Take any opportunity to build memories. . . do not make the mistake of thinking that this is a waste of time, or any other if onlys, or that you would be any happier doing any other thing. . . .

NO!! this is the most important time of your life. . . Grasp it with ALL YOUR MIGHT!!

Some might argue

“Humans, though, are creatures of habit and I often find my thoughts returning to the other way of thinking. . . .It is just so damn draining!

I know rewards are coming.... can someone give me an arrival date?! I can work to a deadline!!”

yes. . . and no unfortunately. . . all I can really tell you is that life is so thin. . . and fragile. . . . while I was so mad at my oldest son for leaving the way he did, and choosing poorly. . . I was afraid . . .more afraid than angry . .

and 1 Am one Monday a policeman knock at our door and asked if we knew the person whose driver's license he was carrying . . which we immediately recognized. . . he just said "sorry. . . he was just killed. . . mowed down by drinking, speeding car, etc". . .

I do not want to sound morbid. . but the short version is. . . I lost it all. . .a marriage of 34 years. . and the remaining three children are horribly alienated. . . and there is not a thing I can do about it. . . but maybe if I can help another. . . maybe there can be something to redeem, then.

On Having a Grateful Heart

Perhaps if you choose to not dwell on how restricted, trapped, bored, stressed, (you fill in any other here),you feel,. . . then instead . . . . verbally give thanks to God, G_D, Creator, Abba Allah,or whatever name you call him, in appreciation of what all you have now and to accept and appreciate,

If every time you are prone to grumbling, begin to give thanks for so many things. . . I used to tell my youth group how every Jewish person says about 49 or more "barucha's (Thank-yous and blessings) in a day. . . they always respond with appreciation. . .and I would ask them what things they might think of to give thanks for. I get many creative answers, like food, shelter, clothes, health, things, things and more things.

I then ask them if they could pray and give thanks while they are showering, . . well yes- they can be clean and have clean hot water, etc And I pump them for more things they could be more grateful for each day.

Finally, I ask if they could give thanks for peeing. . .always elicits giggles. . but makes a good point. If we look there are many reasons to give thanks in and for almost everything. . . 

because I can guarantee that if your kidneys fail, you would soon be asking publicly for prayer. . so giving thanks for peeing is quite logical now.

Finally. . .submitting to depression,  is a choice  . . a choice you make to give or withhold.

Servitude

Kinda like attitude with a servant's heart.

This morning it feels like I have seriously offended Master. I feel a void as well.

Almost without ever missing a beat I enjoy attending to Master as he is getting ready to get to work at the office. I get him his drink, ensure that we take our allergenic meds, make breakfast, and run his bath.

Quite often as he is having his bath I may just stand, or sit near him and we chat. Often there is a bit of fussing with the laundry. (The bath area and laundry area occupy the same area.)

Today was no exception. Some days there is plenty of hot water. Many days it is only acceptable. We have had many discussions with this hot-water heater. It does whatever it wants anyway!

Today was a really bracing warmth offering. We have been putting in laminate flooring for our bedroom. The first few rows are hell. But, it does get easier. Last evening we had made significant progress, but in return we got really sore. So sore and tired that I didn't have my shower before bed and instead I washed my face and arms.


This morning the bath sounded SOOOO GOOD! I asked Master to leave the bath so I could hop in after he was done. he cordially agreed and when he was done I slipped into that warm encompassing delicious hot water.

I knew that Master would need clean socks and underwear, and had them laid out where he always dresses. Master was on his own and probably felt a bit of pressure to get going, and I wasn't there for him. He returned to where I was in the tub and hastily said he had to get going. I asked for a kiss and he barely had time for that.

I feel bad now for taking that bath, because it put stress on Master and I feel like I missed out, because I so enjoy serving and looking out for Master. I feel like Master was less than happy, and I put the underwear and socks back into the drawer again, and I feel like a wind sock. I allowed me to indulge myself and it costs me. . it really does.

I took a bath this morning, and my muscles are very grateful.  Unfortunately I feel just a bit empty .

What does it mean to fully love?

 Photo taken by Serafina Samadhi

To me to be fully loved means accepting who I am without major alterations. And it means that I lay down some of my own ways too. It is important to communicate always.

My Journey

who am I? I wish I knew that in a way that mere words would suffice to tell adequately.

 I have and still am discovering more and more each day. . . that everything I once thought I knew might not be as I'd perceived. 

Reality is born into and dies in each individual mind. . .and every one's perception of reality is only in their mind, even if that person adheres to anther's reality - supposing that he has inherited it by will and choice.

Some people refuse to make their own choices and are never able to become responsible to themselves, and those masses adhere religiously and tenaciously to very entrenched concepts, which become the boundaries of existence, and their need for security is so great that they dare not question boundaries that exist only in their mind, of course, because if indeed they are moved, it upsets their entire paradigm.

Testing boundaries however has lead me on a very fascinating journey.  Some parts of this journey can be extraordinarily difficult and confusing.  I earnestly seek to avoid those parts, wanting to embrace only the enjoyable and wonderful experiences. 

But unless the wonderful is tested,  . . then it is a rental agreement, rather than the ownership contract.  And so I am compelled to stretch the borders of understanding.  The amazing thing is how much more there is than what what I think - than  all the stuff I know.

So much more!  Sometimes The Creator closes a door but then there is an open window. . . maybe a new opportunity, . . and hopefully healing and solace. Michael is my tower of strength. I am deeply committed to him, Thank-you Michael.

I am the author of many photos here at Spiritual BDSM.  I have long been a rather casual, free-lance Photographer. In High School I had the privilege of playing in a black and white darkroom, and was known as the school photo techie.  I enjoyed every aspect from winding cartridges to reload them from bulk film to processing to the most fun part of printing and manual manipulation.

My work was printed in the annual yearbooks and local weeklies and whenever I cared to enter some teen mags I quite often placed.   But, because I married early   to escape a bitter living situation from my parent's home and settled into fulfilling domestic lifestyle that was not conducive to continue or to promote further adventures in photo arts for over 20 years.

I met a lady who became a close friend and mentor and encouraged me to re-open the creative doors that had been closed tight for so long and I joined the Abbotsford Photo Arts Association for 6 years until my friend moved to the Island. 

Because of lack of stimulus and life getting in the way  . . it got pushed aside again.  I didn't lose interest. . .I lost momentum. . .and by the time I returned now. . .the darkrooms had all but vanished and digital was still in early and somewhat unpredictable form. . . so I continued to dabble here and there

While with the APAA we had bi monthly competitions and I frequently earn a coveted place and we also had a number of member arranged excursions and invited "famous" professionals who would share their skills. Even with the encouragement of one of those telling me  that I had exceptional eye, I never acquired the where-with-all to procure professional level equipment, so my goal was to use the equipment I do have to the fullest potential. 

I have had a number of opportunities to use my skills for several conventional weddings and once I was invited to photograph a very Traditional First Nations wedding ceremony, with the attendees in full traditional regalia.

Today I continue to capture and and strive to personally be the best I can become.  I guess in the end that's all we can be.  As an artist, photography is a medium and tool, among canvas, paint, and brushes.  With those tools I try and capture something that inspires and motivates others to find beauty and form in the ashes of life.

The camera is a Cool-pix pro 80 we picked up as an interim camera in lieu of the D-300 or maybe??? we are not quite decided, but we have Nikon 135mm bodies and lenses that we are trying to go digital with.  This little camera has done so well that we are wondering if there is any rush at all. After a lot of thought we did purchase a Nikon7000.  It will now be our primary piece of equipment.

I should also probably mention that Master and I are almost always together so we combine our efforts. . .sometimes I see the shot and he takes it. . especially ones like this, because I have a tremor in my hands and even vibration reduction can not always make up for that.

Even if Master and I met originally in an unusual way, it has and is the best thing that ever happened to me.  I have had this adventure now for close to 8 years, and since then Master has shown me that I am truly a submissive,   I am bound to him as a love-slave, and although we may not be perfect, we do live as much as possible 24/7.

Every morning begins with a proper brew of tea

Not a morning goes by when I do not long for that first sip of hot sweet black English tea.  Even as a young girl very fine tea was available at anytime, and my mom's favorite was an orange pekoe made by Salada.  Sadly I haven't found it in stores for over 30 years now and have had to settle for RED Rose or Tetly teas.  Even those are more obscure as you won't walk into a Wall-mart to pick it off the shelf, but it cam be found in higher end stores like Jewel Osco, or HyVee.

Morning tea goes back fewer years because for many years coffee reigned supreme.  In fact I had the coffee pot on a timer so that it was set the night before to offer a steaming cup of the java as soon as I dragged myself out of bed.  It woke me up and collected my sanity.  I mean, how could anyone make it through a day without coffee?

A sample of RED Rose Figures

What I didn't know was that for many years I had been accumulating the oils from the coffee-bean in my liver and had gone into toxicity, so the order was that I not drink coffee. . ugg!  So anyway, tea has become my routine, even if there is no automation . . yet!

I remember way back when I was a preschooler, my Grandmother often gave us little china cups, saucers, creamers, sugar-bowl and figurines of all kinds as keepsakes and gifts.  They came from bags of oatmeal, or sugar, and from RED Rose Tea Boxes.  by the time I was a teen Grandma has passed, but I had this collection of miniature figurines that I later began using for Faberge Egg Crafting and in dioramas.

Now I had not found any RED Rose tea in the USA before this. . (BTW I am Canadian bred and born) . . so imagine my surprise when one day I had to make a purchase of tea and saw a RED Rose tea box!!  I was hesitant to pick it up, thinking it couldn't be the real thing.  It looked like it,  It smelled like it. . tea has to smell a certain way- you know. . so I took it along with the Tetly I had by now grown accustomed to.

Imagine my surprise to find out that RED Rose had and was continuing to include the little collectibles with their product!  I was so delighted I felt like a little kid again waiting expectantly for the little treasures Grandmother loved to bestow upon her grandchildren.  I remember her fondly.

Today many of those years ago figurines fetch a fair price on E-Bay and such but I will be putting all of mine on display inside an egg!

What a delight!! Happy New Year Everyone! . . and may we all have the greatest year, by remembering the simple things that give us joy.

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