Finding Submission -a very honest question

I was cruising through the list of blogs we visit like I often do.  Sometimes I comment if I think that I can contribute something positive or constructive.

 Today I found a post with a very simple question, and it inspired me to ponder the question.  Just how much of what makes a person who is willing to become a Submissive slave compelling to a Dominant becomes lost as she looses herself to her Dominant?  In other words, How much does a Submissive repress their goals, talents, or even her natural charm to become what the Sub thinks the Dominant wants.  And is that the result the Dominant is looking for?

Photo by Serafna Samahdi

Ideally, I think it should be that a Dominant would desire to let her shine and polish and enhance her abilities.  I am not sure when and how that happens, but it seems that way, especially as I read fantasy and personal accounts of activities.

Perhaps it is because the authors assume their kink is everyone's kink.  Many authors leave out the  details about how enjoyable it was to be humiliated, used for sex, and dropped off when she did not get even one thing she longed and hoped  for in the beginning of the story.  It escapes me somehow that a smart, talented person who jeopardize her entire career to do things that would bring any hopes of success to a complete halt by public scandal, yet I read stories like that so much of the time. 

I am guessing that a lot of what is fantasy is simply that . . . fantasy.  I have no issues with fantasy.  I do have concerns that people are less able to separate fantasy from facts of living, and begin to live out aspects of fantasy that are fool-hearty.

I am also aware that there are submissives who do not have clear goals, dreams or even a clue about many things and might be in need of mentoring from a qualified Dominant.

I do struggle with 24/7 slavery at times.  I do not struggle at all with submission.  I embrace submission with all I am and have.  I willingly sacrifice my agendas, and ideas to support that of Master.  But I do think for myself.  I don't believe that another person has any obligation to deliver punishment.  I believe personally that everyone has an obligation to self-correct as much as possible.  I also believe that every person has the right to ask for assistance if they feel defeated in their own efforts.  However I am also convinced that attempting to control behavior, actions and thoughts by force of any kind does no good and brings resentment to both the Dominant and the Submissive.

I do welcome comments, as I am being incredibly transparent with my questions and thoughts. I am happy to try and expand what is not clear to our dear readers.

Thanks for stopping by.
Respectfully,
Serafina Samadhi

EDIT:  I want everyone to be aware that I am very deeply devoted to Master Michael.  He is very careful to actually encourage me to become the very best me I can be. . he is even allowing me to attend Belly-Dance classes.  He would give me the moon if I wanted it.  Master is not the problem, just so you know. 

Who Are You?

 Photo taken by Serafina Samadhi

Who are you? No really! who is the real person peering out of your eye sockets?
Did, or is your life turning out the way you had envisioned it?
What is different?  Is it better? or worse?
How will people remember you when you are gone?

Panty Gags (keeping her quiet pt. 9)

Inserting Intimates

Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 9) - Panty Gags

Welcome to another installment in an ongoing discussion about gags and gagging in BDSM.  Other postings in this series (so far) include:

1. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 1) - Duct Tape Gags
2. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 2) - Introduction to Gags
3. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 3) - Variations on a Gag
4. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 4) - Wiffle Gag
5. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 5) - Serafina's Assignment
6. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 6) - Hand Gag
7. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 7) - Drooling!
8. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 8) - Gag Maker Extraordinaire
9. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 9) - Panty Gags
10. Keeping Her Quiet (pt. 10) - Fetish Gags

Once again, I'd like to remind my readers that the series title is not intended to be chauvinistic or sexist.   Instead, it's a reflection of my 30 years of experience exploring the world of BDSM as a heterosexual dominant.

You are who you are, and I am who I am, and it's a beautiful thing that we all aren't the same in our personal wants, needs, and desires.  Instead of being offended by any references I make to sexual orientation that might be different from your own personal sexual sensibilities, I simply ask that you change a pronoun (or two) in your mind to bring my writing into line with your own sexual orientation and/or world view.

i absolutely love it when my hubby ties me up and take my panties off and force them in my mouth no matter how much i tell him to stop. the taste of my own panties is a huge turn on for me and he also loves doing it. then he would secure my mouth with a silk scarf and threaten to spank me if i dont keep quiet. he just loves watching me there tasting my own panties.
    ~ Sharin

The right pair can get your day off to a sexy start, either because they remind you of someone or rub against you maddeningly. You can lick your lovers through their drawers, teasing them and making the underwear part of foreplay. Panties make a great gag if you want to muffle loud moans or screams (consensually, of course). Panties can also be used to bind ankles, either for masturbation or as part of a bondage scene.
  ~ Rachel Kramer Bussel - The Village Voice

Panties as a Gag

Lingerie is like wrapping on a Christmas Present, it makes everything underneath just a little more special.  While I always find a naked woman's body to be beautiful, there's something especially attractive about the allure of a partially clothed lady.

I've always had a great appreciation for women's lingerie, it's one of my earliest sexual memories.  I prefer luxurious, lacy, and expensive lingerie.

I think part of the fascination with women's underwear comes from growing up in the 1970's and being exposed on a fairly regular basis to magazines like Playboy and Penthouse.  Models in those magazines were often adorned with the finest lingerie to be found, so I guess it's no surprise that I developed a strong taste for the "good stuff".  

I didn't just look at the pictures, I read the magazines from cover to cover, absorbing everything from lush advertisements to letters from readers.  It was there, in Letters to Penthouse, that I first read about panty gags.  And, from that very first reading, I was fascinated.

I was just 18 years old the initial time I used a panty gag on a woman, my first wife Charlie.  In retrospect I understand that Charlie was far more submissive than I realized at the time, certainly she was a kinky dream for a young man such as myself to conquer.

We'd already lived together for two months, so we'd explored most of our vanilla desires while dating.  I wanted to do something special for our wedding night, so I decided to introduce Charlie to bondage, and my plans included a panty gag.

I'm thinking that the full story of tying up my first wife on our wedding night should be reserved for another time, so suffice it to say that I did live out my plan, Charlie got her first taste of a panty gag that night.  I loved stripping off her panties and wadding them up before stuffing them into her mouth.  I also loved the helpless coos and mews she made as we fucked.

Some prefer to use them straight from her lingerie drawer, but for many others the only proper way to use panties as a gag is when they are freshly peeled off their intended victim's hips.  I can appreciate both methods.  

When I'm feeling kind and generous, there is a certain elegance about using a fresh pair from the dresser.  A well trained submissive will keep her lingerie drawer(s) in order, so a proper Master can expect crisply folded intimate wear to be easily available at all times, should they choose this option.  If you are just getting started with this kind of play, and your submissive is perhaps a little hesitant about trying a panty gag, it's usually easier to convince her to try a pair that's been freshly laundered.  

With that said, there is almost always a different mindset for the submissive when the panties are just peeled off.  When used as a gag, already worn panties are usually more humiliating for the submissive to endure.  In some cases that might mean they are also more exciting, it all depends on how you and your submissive respond to play with intimate apparel.

Delicious Humiliation

There is no escaping a panty gag's extreme brand of enforced intimacy.  So, in my eyes, the ultimate panty gag is one soaking wet with the submissive's own juices.  

Not everyone would agree, but to my eyes that's the best reason to use a panty gag, to force the "victim" to taste her own excitement.  I'm sure that I remember that being stressed in those letters to Penthouse I read oh so many years ago.  That's the most delicious element of this particular gag (pardon my pun).

As with all things in life, your mileage may vary.  My kink may not be your kink, so if the thought of stuffing a worn/soiled pair of your girlfriend's panties into her mouth really freaks you (or her) out, that's ok, there are still plenty of avenues to explore, just focus on the activities that do turn you on . . . 

If you are a Mistress, you also have an alternative a Master like myself will never have, the added option of of using your own panties as a gag, then your slave can taste you instead of herself.  It's a very interesting twist and turn of events, as well as a bit different element of psychology, but only available to panty wearing dominants. 

I have read gay male porn where a sweaty jockstrap is used as a gag, so I do know for a fact that some people turn the tables on this equation and use male undergarments for gagging.  But, we are getting into an area of gag play where I have no personal experience. 

While I've never encountered a female submissive who fantasized about, or in any manner could eroticize, a sweaty jock strap being shoved into her mouth, I'm sure there are some out there.  

I'd imagine the psychology to be similar to the use of a panty gag, I just don't know.  Perhaps someone with experience being gagged with male undergarments could leave a comment?

Some panties make better gags than others.  Little itty-bitty stringy thingies, my name for panties with no real material to speak of, are not very useful as gags.  There's just not enough of anything for them to work, unless you'd like her to chew on her itty-bitty stringy thingy like a stick of gum, but that's about the only option they offer.  

Most other panty designs can be used successfully as gags.  In some cases, a more generous pair of panties actually offers a few more options (see illustration below.)  Just remember that the biggest risk associated with a panty gag (or any other gag for that matter,) is the risk of choking.

With that in mind, a more generous pair of panties that have been folded into a nice ball that fits on my palm makes the ideal panty gag, at least that's my personal preference.  A nice length of hemp or jute rope can be threaded through the panty ball, or the panty ball can be folded around the rope, which ever method seems to work better for you is the one to use.

The rope helps to secure the panties in place, preventing them from being spit out or swallowed deeply enough to choke, an elegant solution to the two biggest issues involving panty gags.  A pair of women's nylons can be substituted for the rope, and I'm sure that you, my dear reader will come up with even more alternatives I've never imagined . . .

Imagination's a wonderful thing, ain't it?

As you can see from the illustration (above) it's also possible to use a panties in coordination with other kinds  of gags.  I remember a variant of this particular use for panties being mentioned, of all places, in the Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort.

It wasn't offered as a gag, but panties over the face and/or mouth/nose were suggested for use on a bound male to keep him "connected" to his female partner as he lay bound while being slowly and tortuously masturbated.  If you don't remember that advice from that old classic text, you better go back and read it again!

Most folks think that panties worn over the face look rather ridiculous, I'd tend to agree.  Perhaps that's part of the point, as it does further increase the humiliation of the submissive, if that's your kind of kink.

I know my ex-wife shuddered at the mere threat of having it done to her, as she'll never forget the one time I put panties on her head in this fashion, the crotch of her panties wet from her own excitement, now pressed right over her nose and mouth.

Safety - First & Always
No discussion of any sort of gag is complete without at least a nod to safety concerns, and it should be noted that panty gags are no different.  Panty gags do present a choking hazard, so they should be always be used in an attentive fashion.

BDSM should only be practiced with consenting partners, and that's especially true for gags.  It's my experience that gags are often the very first truly scary and edgy practice that a submissive is asked to participate in by her dominant, and it's true that gags are something that should only be used when there is a good level of trust built up between partners.

This isn't the place to go over all of the factors a submissive should consider before playing with a partner they do not know well, simply suffice it to say that being gagged puts the submissive into a very vulnerable position.  So, it should only be negotiated and considered once partners have developed knowledge of each other's personality and style, and time has been taken for real trust to develop.

As I said before, playing safe is always the top priority, so always monitor an individual who has been gagged, never leave them alone, not even for a few moments.  Even the best designed and most well thought out panty gag can slip and cause choking, and that is something that can not ever be allowed to happen to an unattended individual.  There is only one solution to that particular problem, never leave a gagged submissive alone!

Also, it's vitally important to have prearranged safe-signals in place (since gags make safewords unintelligible) before using a gag on anyone.  It's also important to cultivate an environment where the submissive knows it is ok to use her safeword.  If she's afraid to use her safeword because of emotional recriminations on the part of the dominant when it is used, actual safety is greatly diminished or even eliminated.

Always remember my favorite quote from Guy Baldwin:

It is not enough for Masters to thrive on control; They must also crave responsibility and approach ownership with integrity, honor, honesty, common sense, and balance. There is no place in ownership for consuming rage, narcissism, viciousness, or other childish behavior. Ownership is for grown-ups.

I'm sure there's more that could be said about panty gags, as undoubtedly there are fetishists who could wax poetic about the differences between silk, satin, and cotton panties as gags.  More could be said about the subtleties behind humiliation play and panty gags, or about other devious ways to "flavor" her panties with her's or your own love juices.  I leave those things to the true panty fetishists and the extreme panty gag aficionados.

I will leave you, my dear reader, with a panty gag video found on these interwebs, a classic damsel in distress bit of playacting, and then one parting thought.  

"In the end, the only limits are safety, the limits of your submissive, and your own imagination."

Adieu!

Michael Samadhi

3/27/2012

TMI Tuesday: March 27, 2012

Answer the following questions using only song titles. Make sure you link to the song or the song’s lyrics so that we can listen to or read the song.

1. What is your present state of mind?  

American Dreaming - Dead Can Dance

2. How do you feel about your spouse, significant other, or someone you lust for?

Lovesong - The Cure

3. Describe your job.

Bela Lugosi's Dead - Bauhaus

4. What are you hungry for?

Have a Coke and a Smile

5. What’s your favorite color?

Paint it Black - Rolling Stones

6. What gets you excited?

Master And Servant - Depeche Mode 

7. Who do you think you are?

Lagartija Nick - Bauhaus

“How delicious are these implements of torture.”

The Marquis de Sade was a fascinating man, an individual who it could be argued was (and to a great extent still is) greatly misunderstood.  Please enjoy this collection of quotations from the man who's name will forever (for right or wrong) be connected with the word sadism.

Never may an act of possession be exercised upon a free being; the exclusive possession of a woman is no less unjust than the possession of slaves; all men are born free, all have equal rights: never should we lose sight of those principles; according to which never may there be granted to one sex the legitimate right to lay monopolizing hands upon the other, and never may one of the sexes, or classes, arbitrarily possess the other.

All universal moral principles are idle fancies.

'Til the infallibility of human judgements shall have been proved to me, I shall demand the abolition of the penalty of death.

What is more immoral than war?

Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced.

Social order at the expense of liberty is hardly a bargain.

Never lose sight of the fact that all human felicity lies in man's imagination, and that he cannot think to attain it unless he heeds all his caprices. The most fortunate of persons is he who has the most means to satisfy his vagaries.

One must do violence to the object of one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater.

I've already told you: the only way to a woman's heart is along the path of torment. I know none other as sure.

It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.

There is no more lively sensation than that of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of the pleasure women perpetually feign and almost never experience.

They declaim against the passions without bothering to think that it is from their flame philosophy lights its torch.

Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

The imagination is the spur of delights … all depends upon it, it is the mainspring of everything; now, is it not by means of the imagination one knows joy? Is it not of the imagination that the sharpest pleasures arise?

Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.

Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes.

In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice.

There are thorns everywhere, but along the path of vice, roses bloom above them.

Nature, who for the perfect maintenance of the laws of her general equilibrium, has sometimes need of vices and sometimes of virtues, inspires now this impulse, now that one, in accordance with what she requires.

Happiness lies neither in vice nor in virtue; but in the manner we appreciate the one and the other, and the choice we make pursuant to our individual organization.

One is never so dangerous when one has no shame, than when one has grown too old to blush.

Woman's destiny is to be wanton, like the bitch, the she-wolf; she must belong to all who claim her.

She had already allowed her delectable lover to pluck that flower which, so different from the rose to which it is nevertheless sometimes compared, has not the same faculty of being reborn each spring.

So long as the laws remain such as they are today, employ some discretion: loud opinion forces us to do so; but in privacy and silence let us compensate ourselves for that cruel chastity we are obliged to display in public.

Lycurgus, Numa, Moses, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, all these great rogues, all these great thought-tyrants, knew how to associate the divinities they fabricated with their own boundless ambition.

The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind

Religions are the cradles of despotism.

To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell.

Prejudice is the sole author of infamies: how many acts are so qualified by an opinion forged out of naught but prejudice!

Any punishment that does not correct, that can merely rouse rebellion in whoever has to endure it, is a piece of gratuitous infamy which makes those who impose it more guilty in the eyes of humanity, good sense and reason, nay a hundred times more guilty than the victim on whom the punishment is inflicted.

It is only by enlarging the scope of one's tastes and one's fantasies, by sacrificing everything to pleasure, that that unfortunate individual called man, thrown despite himself into this sad world, can succeed in gathering a few roses . . .

Wolves which batten upon lambs, lambs consumed by wolves, the strong who immolate the weak, the weak victims of the strong: there you have Nature, there you have her intentions, there you have her scheme: a perpetual action and reaction, a host of vices, a host of virtues, in one word, a perfect equilibrium resulting from the equality of good and evil on earth.

Do not breed. Nothing gives less pleasure than childbearing. Pregnancies are damaging to health, spoil the figure, wither the charms, and it's the cloud of uncertainty forever hanging over these events that darkens a husband's mood.

My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it; and were it, I'd not do so. This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in life; it alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it composes all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness.

The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much, and laugh at the inevitable.

It is certain that stealing nourishes courage, strength, skill, tact, in a word, all the virtues useful to a republican system and consequently to our own. Lay partiality aside, and answer me: is theft, whose effect is to distribute wealth more evenly, to be branded as a wrong in our day, under our government which aims at equality? Plainly, the answer is no.

In libertinage, nothing is frightful, because everything libertinage suggests is also a natural inspiration; the most extraordinary, the most bizarre acts, those which most arrantly seem to conflict with every law, every human institution... even those that are not frightful, and there is not one amongst them all that cannot be demonstrated within the boundaries of nature.

How delicious are these implements of torture.

Hymn To Beauty

O Beauty! dost thou generate from Heaven or from Hell?
Within thy glance, so diabolic and divine,
Confusedly both wickedness and goodness dwell,
And hence one might compare thee unto sparkling wine.

Thy look containeth both the dawn and sunset stars,
Thy perfumes, as upon a sultry night exhale,
Thy kiss a philter, and thy mouth a Grecian vase,
That renders heroes cowardly and infants hale.

Yea, art thou from the planets, or the fiery womb?
The demon follows in thy train, with magic fraught,
Thou scatter'st seeds haphazardly of joy and doom,
Thou govern'st everything, but answer'st unto nought.

O Loveliness! thou spurnest corpses with delight,
Among thy jewels, Horror hath such charms for thee,
And Murder 'mid thy mostly cherished trinklets bright,
Upon thy massive bosom dances amorously.

The blinded, fluttering moth towards the candle flies,
Then frizzles, falls, and falters--"Blessings unto thee"--
The panting swain that o'er his beauteous mistress sighs,
Seems like the Sick, that stroke their gravestones lovingly.

What matter, if thou comest from the Heavens or Hell,
O Beauty, frightful ghoul, ingenuous and obscure!
So long thine eyes, thy smile, to me the way can tell
Towards that Infinite I love, but never saw.

From God or Satan? Angel, Mermaid, Proserpine?
What matter if thou makest--blithe, voluptuous sprite--
With rhythms, perfumes, visions--O mine only queen!--
The universe less hideous and the hours less trite.

  ~ Charles Baudelaire

had a Coke then a smile

I'm a bit of an insomniac, prone to waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning and being unable to return to sleep.  Those early morning hours are quite often my most productive time for writing, which usually mitigates most of my disappointment at not being able to sleep for 7 or 8 hours straight like most people.

As is usually the case, I was up before Serafina this morning.  My first action upon moving downstairs where our home computer stations are set up side by side, was to grab a Mexican Coca-Cola.  Although I know it's not the best thing for me, Coke is my preferred morning drink.  I know most people opt for something like coffee or tea first thing after waking up, but I've never really developed a proper taste for those beverages.

Because I am mildly diabetic, I only allow myself a single bottle per day.  And, I drink the more expensive imported version because it's made with real sugar, rather than the high fructose corn syrup used to sweeten domestic Coca-Cola.  I've noticed that high fructose corn syrup is far more likely to cause wild blood sugar surges, and I'd like to avoid those as much as possible.

My soda pop tasted exceptionally good this morning.

That's usually what I'd expect the morning after lovemaking, and that was certainly the case this AM.  I'm guessing that my morning blood sugar is a little lower the morning after strenuous nighttime activity, and it makes my cravings for sweets even stronger.  Regardless of the reason for the craving, as I swallowed that first gulp of carbonated sweetness, I reflected on the wonderful time Serafina and I had shared the night before.

Then, I sat down at my computer and played some time wasting games on Facebook.  That's my usual course while my brain is just starting to function.

Next, I began downloading a few erotic videos from Sex and Submission.  I just joined that site yesterday, the latest "porn purchase" here at Castle Samadhi.  We've already had memberships with both Wired Pussy and The Upper Floor, all part of building a nice collection of quality erotic entertainment.

With some viddies downloading, it was time to pick up a book.  My kindle was upstairs with Serafina, so I picked up a book from my collection, The Q Letters: True Stories of Sadomasochism by "Sir" John.  It's an interesting enough little book that gives, in it's own way, a glimpse of what BDSM was like just as it was beginning it's rise to real popularity as a pastime.

Here's a brief quote, from of all places, the book's foreword:

The material has been chosen and edited carefully to make the story of John Q and the S/M scene as honest as possible.  Which brings up the most important point of all . . . and that is that this book is honest.  It is not a made-up letter to the editor written to appeal to the most prurient of interests.  It is not a product of anyone's imagination or fantasy.
Instead John Q is a real person.
This is a true story.
And, finally, this is what S/M is really about.

Jim T.
Board of Directors
Eulenspiegel Society
New York City

The Eulenspiegel Society (TES) is an East Coast BDSM group based in New York which is probably the oldest group of it's kind here in the US.  I choose that particular quote because it is part of what makes the book so interesting.  Published in 1993, there's nary a mention of many elements that are considered to be essential by "New Guard" practitioners of BDSM.

No slogans like "Safe Sane and Consensual" or "Risk Aware Consensual Kink" (SSC and RACK).  No munches, classes, or conventions where kinksters gather to discuss technique and philosophize about the inherent spiritual properties of rope. All of those things are yet to evolve when this book was put together.  It made me smile and think back to a different time, as it also inspired.

It inspired me to go upstairs, grab my new English riding crop, and wake my slave/wife.  I simply had to see if I could get Serafina to cum while suffering the distraction of a riding crop slapping her breasts.  We've never tried that specific combination, but a voice in my head said it was worth more than a try . . .

I woke Serafina with gentle whispers in her ear, and I slowly ran my hands across her body.  I stripped off the camisole she was wearing, and began tormenting her nipples.  Although I'm not a poet, I could write poetry about Serafina's breasts, entire verses about the joys of her nipples between my fingers.

I then showed my slave/wife the riding crop I'd laid beside the bed before waking her.  I have a few different crops, but this one is my newest, a pigskin leather crop imported from England.  It's delicious just to hold, and  lovely to use, a delightful little instrument.

Serafina anticipated that I would use the crop on her bottom, and began to move to a kneeling position, but I stopped her and told her to lay on her back instead.  I saw her eyes widen just a little, as she realized I was planning to use the crop a little differently than she had first expected.

I started using the crop lightly on her stomach.  I didn't strike hard enough to mark, instead I was using just enough force for the crop to be on the edge between erotic and stinging.  I then moved my efforts down to her inner thighs, using a little more force.  I created a line of carefully spaced "crop-bites" down the center line of her inside right thigh, then made sure the left thigh matched.

I like to take my time with implements like the crop, so my slave/wife probably spent about a half hour with her thighs spread wide while I enjoyed applying little swats to her sweet sensitive inner thighs, a delicious position because it leaves her so exposed to my gaze. Few things get me more excited than using a flogger or crop, so I probably don't need to tell you that I was more than ready myself for the final act of this little drama.

Serafina was deliciously wet, so when I slid up to enter her, I found myself buried balls deep with a single purposeful stroke.  This elicited a nice moan from my slave/wife who immediately began thrusting back with a delicious hip rolling movement.

I often tease Serafina that she's like a little boy, in that I often barely get inside of her and she's instantly ready to orgasm.  That might have something to do with the teasing and torment I provide, as it's my philosophy and style to keep my slave/wife in a highly excited state of sexual desire as much as humanly possible.  If my hands aren't under her shirt tormenting her nipples several times a day, I'm just not having a good day . . .

Not wanting to let her get too close too quickly on this particular occasion, I began using my lovely English riding crop on her breasts, striking around the edges of her nipples in time with my thrusts.  Serafina's nipples got very hard very fast, and I made sure to point that out to her, telling my slave she couldn't deny her desires, that her body was betraying her love of being whipped and cropped.

Serafina's still coming to terms with being a masochist, it's not something she'd like to admit about herself.  Her body has an interesting reaction to strong stimulation, as it tends to intensify her orgasms, but she doesn't always process the intense stimulation as pain at that point.  Sometimes she perceives what might be best described as radiating bolts of ecstasy.

I've tried explaining to her that is exactly what makes her a masochist, she's perceiving extremely strong sensations as ecstasy, that the sensations would be absolute torture to some people, and instead of enhancing their orgasm, the extreme sensation would prevent most individuals from experiencing any pleasure at all.  To me, that is the essence and very definition of an individual who is a physical masochist.

Serafina's perspective is a bit different, she almost invariably brings a unique viewpoint to the table, as she's fond of saying - "It's not pain I like Master, but boy those sensations you create are delicious and wonderful, can I have more?"

What can I do at that point?  I usually just roll my eyes and pinch her nipples hard enough to make most women scream bloody murder, feeling it make her instantly wetter, like a little faucet has been turned on.  Why argue the finer points?

This particular morning, it wasn't fingers pinching, but instead it was my riding crop applying little bites to her breasts, a sensation Serafina found to be quite distracting.  After 15 minutes of this play, Serafina's breasts were starting to get a bit of color from the cropping, which was distracting her further, as I think her mind was feeling assaulted from watching her breasts being struck.

I had my slave/wife lay back, close her eyes, and put a hand between her legs.  I increased the pace of my strokes (and strikes) and instructed her to get those fingers working, and before 30 seconds were up I heard a familiar refrain . . .

"Master, may I please cum?"

I was silent.

"Oh Master, please may I cum, PLEASE?"

Still no reply.

"Oh God, Oh Master, I need to come, please, I'm begging you . . . "

Her voice trails off as I again hesitate.

I make a mental note to address her unacceptable and profane use of the Lord's name when addressing me in bed, before I reply with a single pronouncement . . .

"Now!" I say.

She complies . . . It's not like she had any choice at this point.  Her body's response to my guttural reply was long ago trained and conditioned.

I grin and shake my head.  Hell of a way to start my morning!  I hope your's, my dear reader, started just as well . . .

I Am Deciding

photo by Serafina Samadhi

Have you recently, or ever. . made an important decision? Was it life-changing? or a minor correction?
How did that decision affect you and the ones you love? Would you decide the same way again? Did BDSM or Spirituality influence you?

a question from tumblr

I was asked a question last night over at tumblr that I'd like to share here.   I've included my own tidbits of advice that I posted as my answer there, but my real hope is that some of this blog's readers might have further advice . . . 

Hi, I was wondering if you know any type one diabetics who are in the scene too, and how they cope with being a diabetic during play time. I personally am a type one and my master and I were just curious about others and how they might go about it.

 Anonymous

I am diabetic but Type II and only mildly, well controlled as long as diet is reasonable.  Serafina my slave/wife was severely diabetic during pregnancy.  Neither of those, however, compares to living with Type I, and I don’t know a wide enough circle of people to have a good friend with experience here.

What I can say is that any scene, even the mildest, tends to have the same effect on blood sugar as pretty strenuous exercise.  Before I was aware of my blood sugar problem, I was having issues with being a little bit shaky after serious play.  

Now, I like to have some protein a little while before we play.  In this case there’s even a tantric ritual - a small meal consisting of high quality fish, meat, parched grains, and wine to be consumed before a tantric encounter - that would seem to serve well here too.  Staying well hydrated also seems to help.

- EDIT -

Because this is such an important topic, it's especially important to me that it's answered properly.  It turns out that I do "know" an experienced BDSM dominant who is a Type I diabetic.  Omega, a dominant for whom I have great respect from reading (at the Power Exchange) and a little personal correspondence, is a Type I diabetic.

Here's the comment left here by mouse - his sweet, kind, and lovely submissive . . .  

Omega and mouse         Mar 19, 2012 02:32 PM
Dear Sir,

Omega is a type one diabetic, has been all his life. What he does is monitor his blood sugar frequently during play. He would often plan the day around the insulin injection. He would often, now that mouse considers it, take a short play break at appropriate times to eat something, check blood sugar or whatever. He always kept things he might need, candy, juice or cookies along with cheese or other types of fruit handy in our playroom. He would always eat good protein before and sometimes after play.

We never had too many issues during prolong hard play -- or at least that mouse would notice. After hard play or heavy use, he often would need time to rest...often that was while mouse was in the cage (when we used it).

Safety always did come first, mouse was never bound in a way that she truly couldn't escape from if needed.

Hugs,
mouse

a quote

I also have a blog where I post a daily quote that's relavent in some way to BDSM, even if the connection is tangential or philosophical.

Here's an example of the kind of thing you might find there . . .

Most people find it difficult to grasp that whatever they like to do sexually will be thoroughly repulsive to someone else, and that whatever repels them sexually will be the most treasured delight of someone, somewhere. One need not like or perform a particular sex act in order to recognize that someone else will, and that this difference does not indicate a lack of good taste, mental health, or intelligence in either party. Most people mistake their sexual preferences for a universal system that will or should work for everyone.

    ~ Gayle Rubin, “Theory of the Politics of Sexuality”

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Chicago River runs green for St. Patrick's Day

Hello today to my fellow Irish . . .

After all everybody is Irish on St. Patrick's Day, at least that's what is said . . .

I don't live in Chicago, but the State of Illinois has been my adopted home since 1989, and Chicago really celebrates the holiday in style, as they dye the Chicago River green for the city's annual St. Patrick's Day parade.

Serafina and I don't have any special plans to celebrate the holiday in proper BDSM style.  For the life of me, I can't think of a single thing that's the color green residing in my BDSM toybag.  I guess for next year I'll need to purchase some green rope . . .

The only "green" idea I currently have is to partake of some role play with Serafina as a whore, where she'd get a couple of wadded up greenbacks tossed her way as I was zipping up.  But, we've played that game before.  And, while it was good fun, I don't feel any special need for an encore to celebrate any particular holiday, not even an Irish one.

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling, sure 'tis like a morn in spring.
In the lilt of Irish laughter you can hear the angels sing,
When Irish hearts are happy all the world seems bright and gay,
And When Irish Eyes Are Smiling, sure, they steal your heart away.

Are there any special St Patrick's day plans for you?

different Shades of Grey - slave assignment 3/16/2012

My darling Serafina,

On your Kindle you'll find three new books by E. L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed.

Your assignment is to read the trilogy in order, and make 3 separate posts, one for each book. Each post will detail, discuss, and review an individual book. Your review of book one is to be completed before the end of April, book two by the end of May, and book three by the end of June.

with desire, devotion, and dominance,
Michael X. Samadhi

What I love most about the hoopla surrounding "Fifty Shades of Grey" is that the story here isn't really about women getting turned on. It's not even about women desiring more sex with their partners. It's about women sharing information with each other. It's about storytelling and friendships. Women have found something that enhances their emotional and sexual lives and want to pass that knowledge onto their friends, family members, and even the world at large.
    ~ Dr. Logan Levkoff 

For individuals reading this assignment who aren't yet familiar with the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy and the story's protagonists, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, you might be in for a treat.  The series is very popular.  To best of my knowledge, Shades of Grey is the first time any book with a frank portrayal of BDSM has made the bestseller list.  The first book of the trilogy is currently the #2 seller in Kindle books at Amazon.com, having already reached the pinnacle of that category in a previous week.

Here just a small sample of links to media coverage of this book phenomena:

1. NPR -'Fifty Shades Of Grey': Publishing's Sexiest Trend 
2. NY Times - Discreetly Digital, Erotic Novel Sets American Women Abuzz 
3. LA Times - Bestselling 'mommy porn': '50 Shades of Grey'
4. Huffington Post - Deconstructing Fifty Shades of Grey
5. Slate - Book Club Erotica

about last night

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

those "Circuits of Sexuality"

SM is a practice of the self, a form of community and belonging, an impetus to consumption and lifestyle, and an eroticization of social inequality.
  -- Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss 

As I mentioned in a posting earlier today, I've been engrossed lately in thinking about Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss.  I'd like to share some of the quotes that were thought provoking, worthy of discussion, or perhaps parallel to my own way of thinking.

For instance on the topic of Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) my highlight from Weiss' book was this:

Alison Moore argues that "when we invent these sorts of simplistic slogans to differentiate our behavior from nonconsensual violence, what we end up with is often a set of definitions that do not reflect anyone's way of doing SM." She continues: "For me the whole beauty of SM play is that it doesn't always make sense, that it does take us outside our `safety-zone,' that it is frightening; it taps into the purest essence of sex which is ultimately chaotic, chthonic, exhilarating, exuberant, a dizzying abyss, an electrifying scream ... There is no political slogan to describe this."

It's an interesting observation, because ultimately, individuals who had issues with the SSC slogan came up with a slogan of their own, R.A.C.K. (Risk Aware Consensual Kink.)

I've never been much for slogans, political or sexual, they tend to be organizing tools and rallying points rather than truly valid descriptors of anything.  As observed by Alison Moore, there's no simple slogan or acronym that can describe what happens in a dungeon (or bedroom, playroom, etc.) when there is real power exchange.

What happens, for my senses, is simply sexual magic.  But, that's a loaded term too, as it brings up visions of rituals of paganism or Wicca, rather than what I'm trying to describe.  I'm talking about a primal place in our brain that BDSM unlocks, Terra Incognita was it's label on ancient maps, the unknown and un-mapped lands.

It's my thinking that it is sometimes it good thing that there are regions un-mapped.  Even if others know the terrain like the back of their own hand, having a map-less land, even if it's only in our brain, is an essential part of what we know as the human condition.  Our minds only grow when we explore, when we test ourselves, our boundaries, and even our preconceptions.

With all of that in mind, my own caveats and reservations noted for posterity, here are a little more than a "baker's dozen" different tidbits of thought for your own digestion from Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss.

The BDSM community is not the sleazy, underground scene portrayed on crime shows and made-for-TV movies; neither is it simply the transgressive zone of sexual emancipation that I expected to find. Rather, it is a formally organized community with very particular social and educational practices.

The terms SM and BDSM are used interchangeably to denote a diverse community that includes aficionados of bondage, domination/ submission, pain or sensation play, power exchange, leathersex, role-playing, and fetishes. The community embraces a wide range of practices, relationship types, and roles, ranging from the more common (for instance, rope bondage or flogging) to the less so (playing with incest themes or playing at being a pony), yet all of these variations fit under the umbrella term BDSM.

BDSM is of relatively recent (and, many suggest, Internet) coinage. It is an amalgamation of three acronyms: B&D (bondage and discipline), D/s (domination/submission), and SM (sadomasochism). The use of SM (sometimes S/M or S&M) as the inclusive term predates BDSM, but BDSM is fast becoming the acronym of choice, especially in the pansexual community-the mixed BDSM community, made up of practitioners of various gender and sexual orientations. Leather, on the other hand, is used most often in gay and, in some cases, lesbian SM communities to describe an SM community that includes leather fetishism and motorcycle clubs.

As the sociologists Thomas Weinberg and G. W. Levi Kamel write, contrary to mainstream perception, "much S & M involves very little pain. Rather, many sadomasochists prefer acts such as verbal humiliation or abuse, cross-dressing, being tied up (bondage), mild spankings where no severe discomfort is involved, and the like. Often, it is the notion of being helpless and subject to the will of another that is sexually titillating ... At the very core of sadomasochism is not pain but the idea of control-dominance and submission"

If you are talking to the press about BDSM, "try to get the reporter to write SM, not S&M-that evokes the old stereotypes and we are trying to get around that. S&M stands for sadism & masochism while SM stands for sadomasochism; inherent in the word is the mutual necessity for both as well as the consent involved."2 In this logic, S&M deemphasizes the relationality of SM power exchange

Theorists after Krafft-Ebing have debated whether sado-masochism ought to be considered a single desire or drive, or separated into two, many practitioners feel that SM brings the S and the M together, eliminating the slash.

How do we read the political effects of such scenes-of selling black bodies at a pretend slave auction in front of an almost exclusively white audience?

BDSM sexuality-indeed, all sexuality-is a social relation, linking subjects (individuals, desires, and embodiments) to socioeconomics (social hierarchies, communities, and relations of inequality). In the technology-driven, purportedly liberated Bay Area, SM practitioners find a community where sex is seen as a skill, an accomplishment, and an array of sometimes-rigid techniques. It is somewhat ironic, then, that for many practitioners as well as social theorists, SM practice is imagined to transgress, or lie outside of, social relations and social norms.

This creates the deep irony of a community organized around explicit codes of conduct and techniques, but whose very rules enable community members to imagine themselves, and their sex, as free from social regulations. By elaborating their own rules and regulations, BDSM communities simultaneously distance themselves from both a purportedly silent, "vanilla" (non-BDSM) sexuality and broader US social relations and regulatory norms.

Some people call BDSM "graduate school sex.

BDSM is a form of social belonging facilitated-even produced-by contemporary US capitalism, especially consumerism and commodity exchange.

Thomas Weinberg's provocative suggestion that a large SM subculture will develop in a society that has an unequal power distribution, that has enough affluence for the development of leisure and recreational activities, and that values imagination and creativity.

Imagining a split between a public, social world of "real" power and a private, individualized world of freely chosen fantasy can bolster the belief that SM scenes with race and gender have nothing at all to do with sexism or racism in the "real world." This refusal obscures the way that SM scenes like the incest scene are cultural performances that work by drawing on shared and meaningful social hierarchies of age, family, race, and gender.

Almost all of the practitioners I spoke with had invested between $1,500 and $3,000 in their toy collections, wardrobes, and, in some cases, play spaces. Commodities like bondage gear, sounds, and vibrators produce community; in this way, SM communities are not oppositional to, but rather complicit with, transformations in capitalism, particularly the consolidation of what is variously called late, flexible, informational, or advanced capitalism.

Techniques of Pleasure

SM is a practice of the self, a form of community and belonging, an impetus to consumption and lifestyle, and an eroticization of social inequality.

   ~ Techniques of Pleasure: BDSM and the Circuits of Sexuality by Margot Weiss

Much as ethnographers go to places like New Guinea to live among and study the natives, putting their customs and rituals under the microscope of science, so has the BDSM community been studied.

Yes, boys and girls, a scientist moved to San Francisco and lived among the leather crowd to study and analyze our behavior.  Now there's a book retelling and analyzing the experience.

The book's author, Margot Weiss, specializes in the ethnography of contemporary sexual cultures and politics as an Assistant Professor of American Studies and Anthropology at Wesleyan University.

Serafina asked me, as I read her the opening paragraphs, if such a study legitimizes what we do.  I replied, "It may very well have that effect."

I wonder at the same time to myself, if it marginalizes our community.  And, in it's own way, the book may do that as well.

You see, there are times when life delivers a platter of delicious contradictions.  BDSM itself has always seemed to me to be a construct of delicious contradiction, built upon the two sided coin of sadomasochism.

But my personal perceptions of BDSM are observations from within.  I've always been attracted to bondage and power exchange, I can't separate who I am from how I perceive.

With that in mind, I picked this book up with great interest.  Here was a look at the community I inhabit by the objective eyes of an individual trained in ethnography.


Do you ever wonder how people outside the BDSM community perceive us?

Even that simple question is more complex than it seems, as the "BDSM community" is not some monolithic construct.  We are a widely varied group of individuals who's interests and sexual practices have been shoehorned into an acronym.  

Even saying that I am an inhabitant of BDSM community is bit problematic.  I fit a large number of the characteristics described to be inherent to the BDSM community as described by Weiss, yet there are a number of significant differences as well.


I've never been to a munch, nor to any of the various social events she attributes to be key aspects of the BDSM community.  I've never been to a "play party" either, unless you count the never ending series of threesomes (and the occasional foursome) with BDSM overtones that occurred in my home during the 1990's to fall under that heading.

And, I also get the feeling that the BDSM community in other regions outside of San Francisco may have evolved rather differently than the community Weiss describes.  So, this study might be best viewed as a serious look at a single distinct BDSM tribe.

As such, it's a very interesting book, fascinating in fact.  I find myself stopping to ponder the points that Weiss makes, to question her conclusions, or, to try and decide what conclusions I might personally reach based upon my own experiences.

I'm close to finished with my first full reading of the text, so I should be posting a more complete review of the book very soon.  I can already recommend that you pick up a copy for yourself, as the book is challenging, but thought provoking.  I do not suggest the hardback version for $71.97, and not even the softcover for $24.95, as Techniques of Pleasure is available on Kindle for just $9.99.