Anniversaries

Our blog's one year anniversary passed quietly earlier this month, unnoticed even by the blog's authors.  I'd hate to say we are oblivious right now, but that does seem to be the case.  Serafina and I are preoccupied with a number of different things.

I guess that's sometimes how life ends up, passing by, leaving you feeling a little bit like you are watching it go by while you sit behind glass in a greyhound bus.  It's something I need to snap out of, I'm not a "leave the driving to us" kinda guy.

Today is another anniversary, it's been one year since my Mother's passing.  If you are feeling sensitive today, or perhaps you simply don't wish to read about death, this is probably a good time to stop reading . . .

I was looking back at the blog, and I saw my post about being under the weather on the 29th last year.  I was home with what I thought was a flu bug (I've since realized it's just the peak of ragweed season and it leaves me miserable every year at this time.)  I got a call from the hospital that my Mother wasn't doing well, she was going to have to be intubated and taken to ICU.  I begged off going in, not wanting to spread my flu to Mom, and thinking it was not the worst news, Mom had been thru three previous ICU visits in the previous 3 years, hell it was almost turning into a routine.  I sent Serafina to the Hospital in my stead.

An hour later, I got the call.  Mom had refused to go on the ventilator, instead she had chosen to die.  At that point I went to the hospital despite the flu, it wasn't like my little bug was going to harm Mom at that point anyway.

She passed away the next day, at about 1 pm, I was with her holding her hand and gently telling her she was loved.  I think it's the most difficult thing I've ever endured, sitting with her those last 24 hours.  Death did not come gently like the night . . .

I'm sorry to burden you with this rememberence, unfortunately life isn't always sexy or fun.  All I have to share today is raw emotion, it's going to be a long day I'm sure . . .

Getting into corsetry

Not always as easy as it looks but looks super sweet when it is worn.  I have such a barrel shaped trunk and I really wish it would conform to the desired hour-glass curves.  Master Michael has generously offered a custom- designed corset.  We chose Amy Delicious who has an excellent reputation.  We had approached 3 others who had excuses or didn't bother to return emails and calls.  One was too busy with orders.

Amy delivers!  After sending her the initial measurements she sent a mock up to try on. So here I am feeling quite awkward in a self-portrait for the record.  my intention is to continue to lose the weight and get in shape.  Just in time for a renewed zeal to  take up nature hiking after a very long hiatus.  We expect a few new aches and pains that will hopefully diminish over time as we get more fit.  After all, who wants to get old and decrepit?

TMI - 8/28/2012

TMI Tuesday - Michael's None Night Stand Edition

1. Have you ever initiated a booty call? 

Not exactly.  The closest I've come is when the ex and I would have Cherub over for a LSD fueled evening of absolute debauchery.  The scenes would usually last for hours and would include spankings, floggings and bondage, so I'm thinking that's a little bit beyond your average "booty call".

 2. Have you ever accepted a booty call? 

No actual call was ever involved, but a former girlfriend who I've since nicknamed "pain and misery" was notorious for showing up on my doorstep (usually a little drunk) for sex for at least a couple of years after we formally broke off the relationship.

 3. Ever had a “friend with benefits” relationship? How long did it last? Are you still friends or acquaintances with that person? Are you still having sex with that friend? 

Well, my first wife and I had steady sex with each other for two or three years after our divorce, although there was no relationship beyond a strained friendship outside of the bedroom.  We've not had contact with each other for something like 15 years outside of Facebook, where I saw the other day she'd finally remarried in 2010.

 4. Tell us about your best one-night stand, what made it so good? 

I've never had a one night stand.

5. When was your last one-night stand? 

I've never had a one night stand.

 6. What’s the grimiest, dirtiest place that you’ve had sex? 

When I was 16 I had sex with my first girlfriend in an old storage closet that was in a portion of the school building that had been blocked off by renovations.  It was dusty and filthy enough to cause an asthma attack.

 Bonus: What’s the one random thing you wish your friends knew about you?

If there was one special something I wanted my friends to know about me, it (obviously) wouldn't be "random" . . . Perhaps I should just tell everybody I've never had a one night stand . . . er . . . I guess I already did that!

weekend report . . .

Our weekend included a day's worth of truck repairs that included a new muffler as well as shocks and struts, an expensive proposition for a Friday.  We managed to fit some urban hiking into the day, and we did get to observe a dancer walking her dogs when the wooded path we were taking brought us out behind a strip club.

Saturday found us on a trip to Oakbrook Terrace to visit a REI store to grab some camping and hiking gear we needed for our excursions to explore the Driftless Area.  While I've got baseball caps galore, neither one of us had a decent wide brim had to keep sun off our neck and ears, a must for hiking in the sun.  That wardrobe hole, as well as some other essential camping needs are now filled.

Sunday was supposed to be a day of resting, although the agenda did include a corset test fitting.  Delicious Corsets is creating a custom corset for Serafina, and their custom corset manufacturing process includes a fabric "mock up" being sent to my slave/wife for a test fitting.

Serafina took some photos of her test fitting, but I'm not sure where they are at right now, I know a cd-rom was burnt to return to the manufacturer with those photos.  I'll let Serafina share the photos later if she chooses.  With that in mind, I'll temporarily turn this into a food blog, and illustrate today's post with a picture of lunch . . .

Bratwurst (cooked in beer) with grilled onion by Michael Samadhi

about last night . . .

Just before bedtime last night I paddled my Serafina's behind with a couple of nice leather implements from my collection, not to mention using my bare hand for about 15 minutes.  In the end (pardon the bad pun) her ass cheeks glowed nicely.

Then, I had slave/wife ride me in a reverse cowgirl position so I could admire my handiwork as she humped, before I finally had Serafina turn around and taste her own juices on my cock.  As usual, she blushed nicely afterwards when I kissed her and commented that her mouth tasted just like her pussy.

I guess this quickie post is my way of saying that while I've not felt inspired to write much lately for our blog, my slave/wife certainly isn't suffering from any lack of attention!

Histoire d'O

quotes from the author

Today.s post dear reader is nothing more than a simple collection of quotes from magazine and newspaper interviews with Dominique Aury, the woman who wrote the Story of O under the pseudonym Pauline Réage.  Interestingly, it turns out that the name Dominique Aury is itself a pseudonym, the author's actual real name was Anne Desclos.

"Who I am finally, if not the long silent part of someone, the secret and nocturnal part which has never betrayed itself in public by any thought, word, or deed, but communicates through subterranean depths of the imaginary with dreams as old as the world itself?"

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I wasn’t young, I wasn’t pretty, it was necessary to find other weapons."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I think that submissiveness can [be] and is a formidable weapon, which women will use as long as it isn’t taken from them."

      ~~ Dominique Aury 

“Is O used by René and Sir Stephen, or does she in fact use them, and…all those irons and chains and obligatory debauchery, to fulfill her own dream—that is, her own destruction and death? And, in some surreptitious way, isn’t she in charge of them? Doesn’t she bend them to her will?”

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"Debauchery conceived of as a kind of ascetic experience is not new, either for men or for women, but until Story of O no woman to my knowledge had said it.”

      ~~ Dominique Aury

Dominique Aury

"I think I have a repressed bent for the military, I like discipline without question, specific schedules and duties."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

“By my makeup and temperament I wasn’t really prey to physical desires.  Everything happened in my head.” 

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"Story of O is a fairy tale for another world, a world where some part of me lived for a long time, a world that no longer exists except between the covers of a book."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I wrote it alone, for him, to interest him, to please him, to occupy him. I wasn't young, nor particularly pretty. I needed something which might interest a man like him."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

“I found that stiffly saluting member, of which he was so proud, rather frightening, and to tell the truth I found his pride slightly comical. I thought that that must be embarrassing for him, and thought how much more pleasant it was to be a girl. That, by the way, is an opinion I still hold today.”

     ~~ Dominique Aury (describing her first real-life exposure to male anatomy)

the point is loving and serving, and owning and mastering, not hurting . . .

one supposes remarkable fulfillments may occur in such an arrangement . . . 

I've got good news and I've got bad news for you, my dear reader.  The bad news is that it seems that I have the blues, I'm feeling them hard, teetering on the brink of a very real and serious depression.  That's the bad news anyway, it's not the end of the world, but I'm not very productive in terms of writing when I feel this way.

The good news is that one way I deal with depression is to immerse myself in studies and reading, so it's not like I'm sitting immobilized and staring at the walls.  By giving my mind something to ponder and work upon, by feeding my head, I'll eventually snap out of my funk, at least that's normally the prescription to resolve my own bouts of depression.

Here is one of the fruits from my reading, an excerpt of an interview with John Norman, creator of Gor.  I'm not sure that Norman understands real world BDSM as it's practiced today, as what he describes as Master/Slave sex is essentially the same as my outlook on BDSM itself.  I guess it's really a matter of semantics . . . 

"I know nothing about "real-life Gorean slavery among some people in the BDSM community." The "BDSM" reference worries me. I dissociate myself from BDSM, at least as I understand it. I may, of course, misunderstand it. I wonder if one would settle merely for "real-life Gorean slavery," because, as I understand it, BDSM is not Gorean. If something is not beautiful, it is not Gorean. In any event, I am assuming that what is involved here, in any case, is consensual. If a woman chooses to submit herself, voluntarily, to a master, it seems to me that is her business, and his business. She would then, of course, be a slave, and would be treated as a slave. One supposes remarkable fulfillments may occur in such an arrangement. It is, of course, important to treat the slave, however uncompromisingly strict you are with her, however much she might fear you, in a humane way, as one would any other animal. Some men, I gather, dislike women, and enjoy hurting them. That makes no sense to me. Women are wonderful, and precious. It is a delight to own one; why would one hurt her? What would be the point of that, mere sadistic pleasure? I think we might distinguish between, say, S/M sex, or sadomasochistic sex, and M/S sex, or Master/Slave Sex. In a sense they seem opposite. Love is important. It is not to be confused with cruelty. Gratuitous cruelty seems to me uncalled for, and ugly, morally and aesthetically. Too, it seems unworthy of a true master. The point is loving and serving, and owning and mastering, not hurting. To be sure, the slave must understand that if she is not pleasing, she is subject to discipline. She is not to be left in doubt that she is a slave. It is easy to avoid discipline; she need only be obedient, submissive, and found pleasing, wholly, and in all ways. Sometimes a slave may desire to be reassured of her bondage. There are many ways in which the master, if he wishes, may see to this. I have written an entire book, the Imaginative Sex book, in which my views on such matters should be reasonably clear."
    ~~ John Norman - io9 profile

sexual freedoms sacrificed at the altar of cheap beef

I regret that my message today is not more "sex positive", unfortunately there is news that doesn't always allow me the luxury.  Yes indeed, I am about to recount the tale of our sexual freedoms (among other things) being sacrificed at the altar of cheap beef . . .

More and more infectious disease organisms are developing antibiotic resistance these days, something I've seen first hand as an antibiotic resistant strain of pneumonia was the primary cause of my Mother's death last year.  So, it should come as no great surprise when we learn that sexually transmitted diseases are part of that trend, as the Atlantic reported last week in an article titled Here It Comes: Super Gonorrhea.

Did you know gonorrhea can kill you? It can, and it's also tragically effective at making women infertile. According to her journals, my great aunt Mabel was "barren," and my grandmother always told me it was probably from gonorrhea. The only reason we don't hear about these awful complications more often -- and we instead think of it as a little oops of an infection ("Can I still drink on these antibiotics?" "Yes." "Cool.") -- is because we've been able to kill it early with relative ease.
But over the past decades, gonorrhea has been mowing down our antibiotics. If this was the Olympic 400 IM, gonorrhea would be the Ryan Lochte and our antibiotics would be the guy from Moldova.
The list of effective antibiotics has been dwindling as the bacteria became resistant, and now it's down to one. Five years ago, the CDC said fluoroquinolones were no longer effective, but oral cephalosporins were still a common/easy treatment. Now injected ceftriaxone is the only recommended effective drug we have left. And it has to be given along with either azithromycin or doxycycline.

The Super Gonorrhea article, written by James Hamblin, MD, is a pretty stark reminder that we currently live in the waning days of the "golden age of antibiotics", as we are commonly seeing the medicines of our grandparents and parents rendered obsolete by continually evolving bacteria.

With that said, I'm sure that my Evangelical Christian friends will see the hand of God behind this act of bacterial evolution.  I mean what else can they see?  It's not like they accept evolution in any of it's forms, it's purely a matter of faith to them.  They will posit that promiscuity is evil and unhealthy, and this potential epidemic is a sign that God (the Trinity) is displeased with all but purely monogamous lifestyles.

I'm personally of the opinion that the onset of antibiotic resistant disease is simply a symptom of the overuse of antibiotics in our food chain.  Far too many chemicals are fed to far too many livestock animals simply because the balance sheet tells a businessman that a few extra pennies per head can be garnered.  Yes, there is one science that the Religious Right (which is neither truly religious nor, are they right) has faith in, the science of the balance sheet.

The vast majority of scientists agree, it's only a matter of time before disease causing bacteria learn to resist our last antibiotic lines of defense.  That future is clearly envisioned in Dr. Hamblin's article:

Once gonorrhea becomes resistant to the last of our cephalosporin antibiotics -- "it's only a matter of time," according to Dr. Gail Bolan, Director of STD Prevention at the CDC in today's announcement -- we will have no treatment. Then when it gets into your bloodstream, it will be lethal.

I've watched Doctors pull my Mother back from being nearly dead on a number of occasions in her life.  At the end, it involved using antibiotic cocktails which brought her back even from sepsis.  Those cures weren't available in your my grandmother's day, and they won't be available in your grandchildren's day either.

My paternal grandfather, like Al Capone and many other more famous individuals, died of syphilis.  The bacteria got into his brain and disabled him, left him like a zombie, and finally extinguished his life.  He died in a sanitarium, leaving behind a family with no means of support, the majority of his children were given up for adoption, that they might eat.

When I was younger, that always seemed like a tale from a barbaric time, that thankfully was left in the past.  I'm realizing now that the past and the future may not look so different.

Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere - RIP Helen Gurley Brown

"A million times a year I defend my covers.  I like skin, I like pretty.  I don't want to photograph the girl next door."
    ~~  Helen Gurley Brown

Helen Gurley Brown, author of “Sex and the Single Girl” and former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, died yesterday at New York-Presbyterian/Columbia University Medical Center after a brief illness. She was 90 years of age.

By turns celebrated and castigated, Ms. Brown was for decades a highly visible, though barely visible, public presence. A tiny, fragile-looking woman who favored big jewelry, fishnet stockings and minidresses till she was well into her 80s, she was a regular guest at society soirees and appeared often on television. At 5 feet 4, she remained a wraithlike hundred pounds throughout her adult life. That weight, she often said, was five pounds above her ideal.
Ms. Brown routinely described herself as a feminist, but whether her work helped or hindered the cause of women’s liberation has been publicly debated for decades. It will doubtless be debated long after her death.
    ~ New York Times Obituary

I'm going to be very honest, I never had much use for Cosmo.  I think my first wife read it occasionally, but as far as I was concerned it was just another "girl" magazine that wasn't going to interest me greatly.  However, I do want to "pay my respects" so to speak, to Helen Gurley Brown, as she was an important figure in the sexual revolution here in North America.

Helen Gurley Brown, she's everywhere today . . .

history of the french maid

Last year when I purchased a nice "french maid" costume for Serafina I was just buying into cliched sexual stereotypes for fun and games.  Now, after discovering the following video on YouTube, I know the history behind why the costume is a pop cultural icon . . .

Although it might not have forwarded her academic standing any, it's my opinion that the narrator should have been dressed in a sexy french maid costume herself!

everything's better naked . . . even voting . . .

And now, for a brief message from Michael . . . 

From the Armchair Patriots blog . . .

I was originally going to write an essay about the importance of this November's election here in the US, about the need for people to study the issues and vote according to their conscience.  I was going to ask you to support candidates who support your sexual freedoms.

But, while some sexual freedoms may be at stake in this election, I don't think with my dick, and I don't vote with my cock either.  And, for fuck's sake, what good would it do to try and tell you, my dear reader, which candidates I support?  Who the hell is going to base their precious vote on information found at a BDSM blog anyway?

Nobody.

Just remember this . . . 

When the spectacle of the 2012 Olympic games is complete, network television will focus (albeit briefly) on the two party's nominating conventions, where we will be assailed with lots and lots of propaganda.  And, while political commercials are already omnipresent here in Iowa (a swing state in most Presidential elections these days) - the real deluge will begin after Labor Day.

Propaganda, propaganda, propaganda, it's going to be everywhere, almost inescapable.  It's up to you what to do with it, or about it, even deciding to ignore it all entirely is a choice and a statement in it's own right.  I plan to watch a lot of Netflix this fall, I'm catching up on a number of series I never saw because I never bothered to get cable for my TV until I got cable for my computer.

My mind's already made up, and ignoring all the huffing and puffing over the next three months might make it so I won't be throwing up before election day from internalizing all the bullshit we are induced to read, hear and view.  However you decide to deal with it all is up to you . . . everybody needs to find their own mechanisms to cope with the madness.

But please do endure the madness somehow, and please do vote, it's both a right and a responsability!

Getcha vibes here . . . or . . . Relish the moment

Oh! hot diggity, dog ziggity boom, what'cha do to me,
It's so new to me, what'cha do to me,
Hot diggity, dog ziggity boom, what'cha do to me,
When you're holdin' me tight!

Trojan (best known for condoms) spent $10.5 million advertising it's Trojan Vibrations line of sex toys last year, but never seemed to get the attention and media buzz that giving away vibrators from hot dog carts in New York City has earned them this week.

On Wednesday and Thursday, Trojan Vibrations, a line of sexual enhancement devices, will hand out 10,000 free vibrators from two hot dog carts identified as pleasure carts. Along with the brand’s logo, the carts will feature sayings like “Getcha vibes here!” and “Relish the moment.”
   New York Times - A Surprise in a Hot Dog Cart

Not only did this promotional stunt earn a mention in the New York Times, it also garnered a story in the NY Daily News and AVN.  It's said that the total retail value of the two different styles of vibrators Trojan will hand out is $350,000, making it the largest vibrator giveaway in history.

It's said that the Trojan Vibrations line of sex toys are featured for sale in Wal-Mart's all across america, but they've yet to show up here in our neck of the woods. (Yes, I looked.)

And I guess that's the real news here.  Not only can the "mommy porn" crowd pick up their E.L. James trilogy at "Wally World", now they can get some help for their one handed reading at Wal-Mart too.

And here I thought the days of purchasing sex toys from places filled with sleazy characters under harsh fluorescent lights was a thing of the past . . . 

a way of being

"Sexuality is not a leisure or part-time activity. It is a way of being."
    ~ Alexander Lowen

with friends like these . . . porn stars and politics

Jenna Jameson ❤'s Mitt Romney 

"I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office. When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office."
     ~ Jenna Jameson

In a stunning move, and sad but true story, one that can only leave most observers shaking their heads and asking, "Why?"  Porn Queen Jenna Jameson has endorsed Mitt Romney for POTUS (President of the United States).  Jameson's move was described by AVN (the porn industry's trade newsrag) as:

"Yet another slap in the face of the industry that gave her a platform to make such proclamations."

Can you feel the love?

Despite Ms Jameson's well traveled body, as a political analyst I'd have to say this endorsement doesn't have  any legs . . . And, as a former political operative I can't help wondering what the fuck do you do with an endorsement of this kind?

Prior to Romney, Jameson's most famous endorsement was for imitation leather . . .

"I’ve worn a lot of pleather in my life. Anybody who knows me knows that I’ve kind of lived half my life in it. I love the idea of having choices outside of leather. The outfit that I’m wearing in the ad is so sexy that I suggest if people want to have a better time in the bedroom — then please explore the pleather side."
     ~ Jenna Jameson

Does this mean that Mitt has discovered the pleasure of pleather?

Do Romney's aids now tell the man he has locked up the pleather vote?

(Romney has AIDS? - No that was a Southpark episode about Jared. . . )

Does this merit a bumper sticker? Perhaps something like -- "Tired old whores for Romney"

Enquiring minds really do want to know . . .

olympic coverage (lack thereof) . . . or . . . are the Brazilians waxed?

Looks pretty kinky to me . . . . 

While the sex appeal of the Olympic Games has not escaped the lamestream media, it should be remembered that the original Olympics were contested in the nude (or so I've heard - I'm an oldtimer, but I'm not that old!)

the word gymnasium came from the Greek word gymos, which means "naked"

Who else wants to see a return of some real Olympic traditions?

No Serafina, it's not my dirty mind, I'm not making the names up, she's going to perform the "snatch" before she does the "clean and jerk"!!!

when BB King sings about eating chicken, he's not thinking Chick-Fil-A

"The men's room at this one is single occupancy and has a good lock on the door, FYI. Very discreet."
      ~ Chick-Fil-A review by Carlos R

I'm sure you've heard about the controversy surrounding Chick-Fil-A's owners giving large contribution to groups working to prevent gay marriage . . .

In a case of "turnabout being fair play", Chick-fil-A is now being inundated with homoerotic Yelp reviews.

It's so very nice to see an issue turned around so beautifully and subversively . . . not to mention that the reviews at the bottom of this screenshot are an absolute hoot!

Screenshot from thehappyplace.com

quote du jour

“Nothing one does in bed is immoral if it helps to perpetuate love.”
        ~ Gabriel García Márquez

with dreams of sitars and incense dancing in the air

I've been reading more than a few stories recently about a controversy surrounding Bollywood actress Sherlyn Chopra's choice to model nude for Playboy.  At least part of the buzz in newspapers and the blogosphere is simply because she's the very first woman from India to to get naked for Hugh Hefner's magazine.

The most surprising thing about this story, at least from my perspective, is simply that there are any firsts (within the realm of good taste) left to be had anywhere for Playboy.  After all, the magazine's been around since the mid 1950's, meaning it will celebrate a 60th birthday sometime next year.  With more than 700 issues in it's history, I find it at least a little bit surprising that there are any ethnic groups not represented by a Playboy pictorial spread.

"I have become the first Indian to pose naked for Playboy, and nobody can take away that achievement from me."
   ~ Sherlyn Chopra

"At a time when innocent women across the nation from Gujarat to Guwahati have been subjected to sexual abuse and humiliation, one wonders if Sherlyn Chopra’s pictures wound a woman’s integrity. Isn’t it an irony that on the one side, as common women strive hard to safeguard their modesty, the Sherlyn Chopras encourage voyeurism?"
   ~ Gayatri Sankar

"My sister is proud of my achievement. I haven't told anything to my mother, but I think I will visit her and tell her that she has to accept me the way I am."
   ~ Sherlyn Chopra

Sherlyn Chopra made the decision to pose nude in Playboy despite some pretty tricky opposition. First, Playboy is illegal in India, where Chopra works and lives (you can access it on the internet). Second, as an old friend put it on Facebook last night, Chopra is now seen to be diminishing a belief about “Indian women” globally–that they are modest and pure.
   ~ Samhita (via Feministing)

"It is not an easy task to be nude in front of the camera and look good at the same time."
   ~ Sherlyn Chopra

"She considers herself the liberated Indian woman, who is not shy to flaunt her body, thoughts and sexuality. She speaks as she thinks."
   ~ Divya Arya (via Hindustantimes)

"I had fun meeting him and his girlfriends. I am thinking of making him my idol because he lives his life on his terms and conditions. I also live my life on my terms and conditions."   ~ Sherlyn Chopra (on Hugh Hefner)

"I am now forced into an awkward position where I have to defend Chopra’s decision to pose nude for Playboy in the face of misogynist ideas about women’s purity and modesty as it relates to Indian nationalism. Critique the retrograde and sexist ideas about sexuality that give a magazine like Playboy so much capital, fine. But not the women that choose to do it. Conflating a woman’s sexual expression with the purity or modesty of her culture is one of the roots of sexism and patriarchy."

   ~ Samhita (via Feministing)

prt-6 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On Self-Destructive behavior

Some people really have a longing for external correction and if it is not supplied to us as a child, or perhaps if it was imposed on us by overbearing adults we may we have a very real need of those boundaries as adults. And some of those adults can not even bring themselves to discipline their own children by brute methods but still feel the need to be “spanked” emotionally

I-74 Bridge Mississippi
photo by Serafina

I can understand the self-spanking thing as a child but why if you don't think that spanking is appropriate for your children . . . why then would you wish to require another adult to be responsible to discipline you for your short-comings? . . . and where do you then draw the line in the sand about determining if it was a prolonged form of assault or just some marital bedroom play.

just a thought. . .if you felt the need to want to spank yourself back as a child was that because you thought that there was a need for the naughty consequence? and was it there because your parent was inconsistent and in your purer state of mind there was some of that need for consistency factored in by any chance?

I think of God as my Father. he is loving and kind. Like most parents on earth he is patient and he eagerly looks for things that indicate proper development of each child, to learn, to gain in stature and strength, to explore his likes. I have never met a parent who hovers over his child just to "catch him in the act" so that he could met out punishment, and yet so many think of God sets traps for us and is wanting to punish. . . and that simply is not true.

Daffodil
photo by Serafina

A human being when he first arrives into this world has need to be completely controlled, because left to his own, they will perish. so we diaper him and feed him bath all the rest, but we do expect that some time soon he will begin to feed himself, walk, talk and even learn bladder and bowel self control. We expect them to learn how to take responsibility and become self-disciplined.

For me I do not need another fellow adult to assume responsibility to make me a better person. . at least not yet. . .and I am not responsible for the behavior of some other adult either, so I do not have to change anyone but myself. So I am what I am and I am fully responsible for me. Now I can ask someone to assist me, by reminders and maybe even incorporate that into play events, but never as a means for discipline!

Some. in regard to the parent - child scenario, don't have children. . . .and they role play in this regard. They tend to view it as an example as if a child is punished for misbehaving or not following the parents rules, so should a wife be. If punishment was always a deterrent for them as a child so they feel it should work as an adult. Unfortunately, if husband does not punish, their infractions are more frequent. Therefore they are hopeful that someone will help them to be more obedient. They seem to try to locate a place where there are a concrete set of rules to follow.

You see, I am so opposite of that kind thinking. That does not mean that either

of us is more correct. . . it is simple the way I understand . . let me explain. . .Marriage and relationships are built in an adult world. . . adults even supervise young children's relationships. . . .therefor a spouse would not dare to punish me for any infraction in my world. . .UNLESS it is strictly play

I am responsible for ME!

I am not responsible for my partner nor my friends much less acquaintances.. . . and I am pretty sure that no one is going to force you to

do anything. . . because in the end YOU! . . my dear are going to take responsibility for YOU!  In the end we all have to grow up!! It is called LIFE and learning to be submissive and and in that the submissive one holds all the power.

However how does one reach this level of submission?  That is the Million dollar question with a 5 cent answer. . .

You become completely responsible and be accountable to yourself, for yourself, by yourself. . . .how? . . .by practicing being the very best woman you can be. . .by being upright and trust-worthy in every aspect. . .

Of course some areas will require a lot of work and some areas may come naturally. . . let go of what is not important, and decide who/what really matters. . . don't forget to allow time for play and have fun, but realize even that is a type of work, or it can be,

because some of us don't know how to relax.

It likely won't be real easy. . . because breaking old habits can be difficult. . . but if you can refocus upon a new one and earn it for yourself, you begin to feel more accomplished and as you feel fulfilled, you begin to reach towards more of the same. . .

Now . . .when you are on such a journey you become more desirable and attract people. . .  what we are looking for,  is someone who who is like-minded and wants someone to mirror and complete them and you both.  Don't settle for less.  You deserve the best.

Submission is simple really. . . it is a meshing and dance that allows each of you your unique and separate identity by allowing him to take the role of leadership.  Within  that relationship you are each others primary concern and well-being.

Submission is very much like the old Swiss-made clocks. Inside you will see many little gears and springs, each doing the job they are designed to do. . . imagine what would happen is one of those parts were to get selfish and demand that other parts pick up and take over for them one day, because they just wanted to, or they thought they were far superior to all the rest?. . .

Even a King Pin holding it all together is nothing if he doesn't do his part . . or if he has nothing to hold together!

photo by Serafina

It will take you all the rest of your life to work it out. . . because as soon as you have something under your ownership another project will appear. . . not that you even work on one thing at any time. . . but you certainly have the ability to work on specifics.  Always watch over every aspect and be aware that in the areas we are confident in as being strong may become a point of vulnerability.  Then attacks there will be surprising, but if you focus too much on fixing and working on weaker points, the attacks and wear can buckle those strong areas.

So there ya go. . . you make the rules . . . or you can abdicate your power and let someone else hold you to the fire who might be some person with dysfunctional behavior. . . we all have choices. . .and so we better make them clearly.

I am aware that not everyone will agree with me.

What think you?  What is your experience?

prt-5 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On morals and ethics concerning triads, and whether we own our partners issues

I disagree about his issues being mine. . .because, . . I own my issues. . .and I make up my mind because I have choices. . . now that may mean I forfeit my preferences to honor him. . .once done, however it would be preferred to stay the course. . .therefore I advise make  choices very carefully and responsibly. . .

Now having said that I can share with you the way Master and I met would have turned religious people upside down in aghast!! . . .lol!!

I was actually proposed to by Masters now  former wife. . . to come into the relationship as a triad contract. . .unfortunately for her  jealousy set in.

turns out that she and Master have always had a very conflicted relationship and her instability could not be satisfied by anything Master accommodated for her. . . 

photo by Serafina

I am very much a Christian Believer and consequently I had to do a lot of introspect in needing to stand before the Creator in good conscientiousness. . .You realize that even in the time that Jesus walked this earth, that multiple wives was still very much the custom and it was continued for some time after. . . which is  why was it necessary for Timothy to teach that. . .

(1Ti 3:2) A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach
and it was Paul who advocated
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

He was aware that relationships require effort, time and work. . .especially if they wanted to share the ministry, and Paul was happy to have no domestic attachments. . .so from that I was also very aware that multiple wives were common all throughout the old Testament. . .and not even the ten commandments do not address the issue. . .

However Master and I are very satisfied and just do not want or need the extra fuss and energy other than for one another. . .and that we hold very close to our hearts

Not all are created equally

My advice is to chose wisely and very carefully. I mean that his moods and feeling and challenges impact me and our lives together. He can't have a major issue  that I would not be affected; even if he does not share his problems with me.

His issues do affect me, and likewise mine affect him also. . . in a commitment sharing means caring. . . but here's the thing. . . .if you say: that a part of his issue becomes mine and it is a commitment on my part to support all of his needs which can include what he may struggle with.”

I would respond that to do that there has to be total and complete trust for each of you. . . if there are questions. . . and I hear you wondering, and . . . he may have questioned your intents also . . . that tells me that there is not a total trust just yet. . . see if you can dialogue thru that. . . but please do it with a sweet serene disposition. . . and with eyes and heart wide open. . . and I wish you peace and wisdom.

photo by Serafina

Someone shared: “ . . . it made me happy to hear Him say that. He has accepted my gift of submission exclusive to Him. And i realize that i am no longer a wife wanting to submit to her husband. i am a submissive wife. i have a lot to learn and improve upon, but fresh submission is still valuable. Wee! i feel giddy! ^_^”

. . . what is stated here is a very great place to start. . . now it would be prudent  to continue keeping your house in order, and making your children your children mind, is the greatest gift you can offer. . .

Many folks think that being a submissive is something that is concrete rather than something that is abstract . . . (see the adjective descriptions.)  Yet, ironically it is the abstract that becomes something concrete! . . let me explain by showing what happened to you.

You realize that submission first is a state of being and then actions follow that recognition . . ie you got the love, and compassion for you husband etc. All of it begins in your heart and flows forth from there. Many days it may not feel that special, in fact many times it might even feel like the old grungy days and nothing more but what has changed is you hold the reins of your heart and you keep in check those actions that are detrimental to your chosen station in life.

So how do you begin? with baby steps, and simply one step at a time!

as you become aware, you incorporate another concept and translate those into actions. . . and yeah! it is easy to say and takes a life-time to achieve.

The reward is the satisfaction you have for being at peace within and accepting whatever life throws at you no matter if you wanted them in the first place. I don't know of any one ever signed up to be caregivers of difficult and aging parents, or all the myriads of life appointment's and frustrations but most of us are given such a task at some point or other anyway. We need to be at peace with that, . . even if it may have turned your life up-side-down

Adj. 1. concrete - capable of being perceived by the senses; not abstract or imaginary; "concrete objects such as trees" real, existent - being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not illusory; "real objects"; "real people; not ghosts"; "a film based on real life"; "a real illness"; "real humility"; "Life is real! Life is earnest!"- Longfellow tangible, touchable - perceptible by the senses especially the sense of touch; "skin with a tangible roughness"

adj. 1. abstract - existing only in the mind; separated from embodiment; "abstract words like `truth' and `justice'"-. Considered apart from concrete existence: an abstract concept. - Difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract philosophical problems. - Thought of or stated without reference to a specific instance: abstract words like truth and justice. - Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation: abstract painting and sculpture.

vendor - Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys

Adam and Gillian just celebrated their 25th anniversary as a business serving the BDSM community, so it seems appropiate to join them in their celebration by revisiting this post from when the SpiritualBDSM.com blog was just getting off it's feet.  Please note that no compensation or consideration was exchanged in return for this review, I've purchased every listed item here just the same as any other customer.  In fact, I just made three new purchases:

Our Crop by Adam and Gillian

DeLuxe Cane
The Valentine
Our Crop


It's my 2nd purchase of their DeLuxe Cane, the first was of medium thickness, this one will be thinner.  I had a friend who purchased The Valentine years ago at my recommendation, it's a beautiful tool for breast and genital flogging, but I'd never indulged myself in purchasing one for my own collection before now.  Adam and Gillian's Our Crop will not be the first riding crop in my toy collection, but without a doubt it will be my best!


Finally, please note that all images associated with this particular post are copyrighted and are property of Adam and Gillian.

Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys

makers of high quality "implements of instruction"

For something like twenty years now, Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys have been my favorite makers of floggers, cats, straps, paddles, canes; not to mention a nice range of other exciting toys for BDSM . . .

I had to stop and think about that opening line for a second, twenty years is a long long time!  Some of the younger kinksters I follow on tumblr are just a year or two shy of that two decade mark.  My previous marriage ended just shy of twenty years in length.  So, when I do stop and think about it, that's an exceptionally long time to have a relationship with any one vendor or toy maker.

Bullwinkle the Moose

I've never met Adam and Gillian in person, but I used to call their workshop and speak personally to Gillian with each order I placed.  I've had just enough contact through the years that they feel like friends.  I find it easier to email my orders into their shop now, but I already know what I want long before my order is placed.  If you have questions or want to place an order yourself, I know you're still welcome to call and talk to them personally.

That's probably a good thing too, because the incredible variety of offerings that come from Adam and Gillian's workshop are probably a bit overwhelming to an absolute neophyte to the world of floggings and corporal punishment.  Whatever your taste or interest, it's pretty likely you can find something you'll like here.

basic floggers from mini to super

The first really nice flogger I bought myself was made by Adam, so that seems to be a good place to begin a discussion of this wonderful couple's offerings.  There's a flogger here for every taste and price range, I can almost certainly guarantee.  For a kinkster in a budget, for instance, it's really hard to beat Adam and Gillian's line of basic floggers.  

A Mini Basic flogger is only $20 and the Super Basic is just $30, so these are an exceptional way to get started learning about the different sensations various flogger materials can create.  They come in a wide range of materials including: Deer (Sensual), Moose (Gentle), Nylon (Moderate), Leather (Moderate), Suede (Moderate), or Rubber (Serious).

I've never purchase one of these basic floggers myself, as I have expensive taste and really like Adam's "signature" handles, but I've had friends who purchased them, I've seen and handled and used the basics and can vouch for their beautiful utility.  I always suggest a deerskin flogger for newbies, it truly is a sensual flogger.  

The Lord (nylon tresses)

I've always been a sucker for their premium flogger offerings.  Adam and Gillians finer flogger offerings come with a much more ornate handle and are much fancier and more finely finished over all.  The range of floggers I've collected over the years from these folks is fairly impressive, it includes:

Bambi's Revenge

Bullwinkle the Moose

The Lord

Bambi's Revenge (deerskin tresses)

Flying Clydesdale

Flying Linguini

Scorpion

The flogger list I just shared includes a wide variety of sensations, the deerskin tresses of Bambi's Revenge are all sound and no fury.  The Scorpion, with 9 thin round neoprene tresses is the exact opposite, it can mark and bruise.

Also found in my collection of gear purchased from Adam and Gillian are two creations that are a technically considered singletail whips of a sort.  Adam calls them The Whipsicles.  I have the:

Brass Whipsicle

Wood Whipsicle

Brass Whipsicle from Adam and Gillian

The Whipsicles are very mild as single tails go.  My Brass Whipsicle is made with deerskin, it's actually gentle enough to use with some care on breasts and genitals.  The Wood Whipsicle I own is made with Moosehide, it's a bit more serious, but still nothing too serious if compared to a proper stockwhip or bullwhip.

Middle Brother

I'm also an aficionado of Adam's wide selection of straps and slappers.  Among the widely varied offerings found on Adam and Gillian's website to be found in my toybag:

Big Foot

Li'l Bro

Middle Brother

Slick Slim

Pocket Paddle™

Big Foot

Scrap Strap

Rubber Scrap Strap

The Scrap Strap and Rubber Scrap Strap are both bargain offerings that offer good value for beginners just getting started with impact play and corporal punishment.

As can be seen from the illustrations I've attached from Adam and Gillian's website, the straps and paddles they offer are truly beautifully made and handsome in appearance.

Believe it or not, that's still not everything I own from these folks!

DeLuxe Cane from Adam and Gillian

They are also cane makers.  Within the category of "canes and rods" I own:

The Maestro

DeLuxe Cane

DeLuxe Cane "Seconds" (x2 - one thick and one thin)

DeLuxe Cane handle detail

And still there are a number of miscellaneous items I've picked up from Adam and Gillian through the years:

Foxy Loxy w/ Claw

Foxy Loxy with a Claw

Suckerfish™

Silverado’s Clips

Kong Clamps

Gillian’s Grippers

Titty Tower

Beverly’s Crushers

I guess I'm a good BDSM consumer.  

I mean wow . . . When I look at that listing of items I've purchased through the years from Adam and Gillian, I almost go into overload.  There are a lot of toys there.  

the Titty Tower

They all get used too!  In the end, you can have all the toys in the world, but if they just sit wasting on a shelf unused, your time and precious money has been wasted.  

The only things on the list that haven't already had regular use are the 3 rattan canes and the Clawed Foxy Loxy.  The story of the canes is already documented here, Serafina's first real caning will happen this weekend.  And that will be my cue to bring out the Clawed Fox tail, I've been waiting to run it back and forth over my slave/wife's welted behind when her caning is complete.

I am so truly blessed in so many ways, to have such a wonderful collection of toys, and to have captivated such a beautifully sexy slave/wife who gets turned on when I use them on her.  Like the line that was used in the movie Field of Dreams, I should ask, "Is this Heaven?"  

The answer's still the same, "No, it's Iowa."

Greetings, Earthlings

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

...The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

~~ From the "I fucking love science" page on Facebook.

prt-4 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

O Depression!

Did you know BTW, that all depression is rooted in some kind of anger. . . that is what I was taught in a women's issues support group. That statement hit me like an avalanche . . and has given me a new perspective and a need to self evaluate. . . if I feel depressed- what am I angry about?

Sometimes depression can also be triggered by insufficient light . . hang in there- the days are getting longer. . . . (you might have SADs)

try are remember that altogether too soon the little ones will not be little anymore. . . and fly away. . .

Oh how I wish I could go back and redo the time I did not spend with them and spend what I did differently-- more quality and purposeful. . .

Purposeful I think is the key. . . if I only knew then what I know so fully now. . . maybe, just maybe I could have things better now. . .

Hope
photo by Serafina

Take any opportunity to build memories. . . do not make the mistake of thinking that this is a waste of time, or any other if onlys, or that you would be any happier doing any other thing. . . .

NO!! this is the most important time of your life. . . Grasp it with ALL YOUR MIGHT!!

Some might argue

“Humans, though, are creatures of habit and I often find my thoughts returning to the other way of thinking. . . .It is just so damn draining!

I know rewards are coming.... can someone give me an arrival date?! I can work to a deadline!!”

yes. . . and no unfortunately. . . all I can really tell you is that life is so thin. . . and fragile. . . . while I was so mad at my oldest son for leaving the way he did, and choosing poorly. . . I was afraid . . .more afraid than angry . .

and 1 Am one Monday a policeman knock at our door and asked if we knew the person whose driver's license he was carrying . . which we immediately recognized. . . he just said "sorry. . . he was just killed. . . mowed down by drinking, speeding car, etc". . .

I do not want to sound morbid. . but the short version is. . . I lost it all. . .a marriage of 34 years. . and the remaining three children are horribly alienated. . . and there is not a thing I can do about it. . . but maybe if I can help another. . . maybe there can be something to redeem, then.

On Having a Grateful Heart

Perhaps if you choose to not dwell on how restricted, trapped, bored, stressed, (you fill in any other here),you feel,. . . then instead . . . . verbally give thanks to God, G_D, Creator, Abba Allah,or whatever name you call him, in appreciation of what all you have now and to accept and appreciate,

If every time you are prone to grumbling, begin to give thanks for so many things. . . I used to tell my youth group how every Jewish person says about 49 or more "barucha's (Thank-yous and blessings) in a day. . . they always respond with appreciation. . .and I would ask them what things they might think of to give thanks for. I get many creative answers, like food, shelter, clothes, health, things, things and more things.

I then ask them if they could pray and give thanks while they are showering, . . well yes- they can be clean and have clean hot water, etc And I pump them for more things they could be more grateful for each day.

Finally, I ask if they could give thanks for peeing. . .always elicits giggles. . but makes a good point. If we look there are many reasons to give thanks in and for almost everything. . . 

because I can guarantee that if your kidneys fail, you would soon be asking publicly for prayer. . so giving thanks for peeing is quite logical now.

Finally. . .submitting to depression,  is a choice  . . a choice you make to give or withhold.

1976 redux

this might be why I'm a pervert

1976 was a milestone year.  It was the 200th birthday of the United States, it was the year I lost my virginity in a furtive foray behind a chicken coop, and it also marked the first time I managed to get my hands on a copy of Penthouse magazine.  From time to time a copy of Playboy might have been found in our home, but that magazine never garnered my interest the way it's kinkier competitor, Penthouse managed to attract me.

Playboy was hot, but Penthouse was a fucking revelation.

Not only were the picture spreads more to my taste, featuring fetish imagery that's still appealing to me today, but there were also letters.  I'll be very honest, Penthouse letters fueled my adolescent jack off sessions.

As an only child it wasn't too terribly difficult to find pretty regular alone time, so I had a luxury many other didn't enjoy, I was able to take my time.  My personal ritual was to warm up with the pictures, followed by some seriously rapt attention to the prose, which never failed to bring on an eventual climax.  Penthouse letters was where I learned that I wasn't alone in fantasizing about bondage and discipline.

It was a revelation to discover that the old magazines I used to enjoy as a youth are still appreciated and discussed today at a site called The Seduction of Venus, where I discovered a post devoted to the very first fetish photo spread I can remember encountering, My Funny Valentine by Stan Malinowski.

While the photos are a little on the tame side compared to what one finds online today, they were rather racy for their day, and they did have an influence on my sexuality and desires that still holds true today.  There's no escaping that fetish and BDSM fuel my desires, and that this pictorial (along with others that were similar) influenced the sexual evolution that brought me to today . . .