today's inspirational message

Be curious, not judgmental. 

    --  Walt Whitman

Histoire d'O

quotes from the author

Today.s post dear reader is nothing more than a simple collection of quotes from magazine and newspaper interviews with Dominique Aury, the woman who wrote the Story of O under the pseudonym Pauline Réage.  Interestingly, it turns out that the name Dominique Aury is itself a pseudonym, the author's actual real name was Anne Desclos.

"Who I am finally, if not the long silent part of someone, the secret and nocturnal part which has never betrayed itself in public by any thought, word, or deed, but communicates through subterranean depths of the imaginary with dreams as old as the world itself?"

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I wasn’t young, I wasn’t pretty, it was necessary to find other weapons."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I think that submissiveness can [be] and is a formidable weapon, which women will use as long as it isn’t taken from them."

      ~~ Dominique Aury 

“Is O used by René and Sir Stephen, or does she in fact use them, and…all those irons and chains and obligatory debauchery, to fulfill her own dream—that is, her own destruction and death? And, in some surreptitious way, isn’t she in charge of them? Doesn’t she bend them to her will?”

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"Debauchery conceived of as a kind of ascetic experience is not new, either for men or for women, but until Story of O no woman to my knowledge had said it.”

      ~~ Dominique Aury

Dominique Aury

"I think I have a repressed bent for the military, I like discipline without question, specific schedules and duties."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

“By my makeup and temperament I wasn’t really prey to physical desires.  Everything happened in my head.” 

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"Story of O is a fairy tale for another world, a world where some part of me lived for a long time, a world that no longer exists except between the covers of a book."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

"I wrote it alone, for him, to interest him, to please him, to occupy him. I wasn't young, nor particularly pretty. I needed something which might interest a man like him."

      ~~ Dominique Aury

“I found that stiffly saluting member, of which he was so proud, rather frightening, and to tell the truth I found his pride slightly comical. I thought that that must be embarrassing for him, and thought how much more pleasant it was to be a girl. That, by the way, is an opinion I still hold today.”

     ~~ Dominique Aury (describing her first real-life exposure to male anatomy)

the point is loving and serving, and owning and mastering, not hurting . . .

one supposes remarkable fulfillments may occur in such an arrangement . . . 

I've got good news and I've got bad news for you, my dear reader.  The bad news is that it seems that I have the blues, I'm feeling them hard, teetering on the brink of a very real and serious depression.  That's the bad news anyway, it's not the end of the world, but I'm not very productive in terms of writing when I feel this way.

The good news is that one way I deal with depression is to immerse myself in studies and reading, so it's not like I'm sitting immobilized and staring at the walls.  By giving my mind something to ponder and work upon, by feeding my head, I'll eventually snap out of my funk, at least that's normally the prescription to resolve my own bouts of depression.

Here is one of the fruits from my reading, an excerpt of an interview with John Norman, creator of Gor.  I'm not sure that Norman understands real world BDSM as it's practiced today, as what he describes as Master/Slave sex is essentially the same as my outlook on BDSM itself.  I guess it's really a matter of semantics . . . 

"I know nothing about "real-life Gorean slavery among some people in the BDSM community." The "BDSM" reference worries me. I dissociate myself from BDSM, at least as I understand it. I may, of course, misunderstand it. I wonder if one would settle merely for "real-life Gorean slavery," because, as I understand it, BDSM is not Gorean. If something is not beautiful, it is not Gorean. In any event, I am assuming that what is involved here, in any case, is consensual. If a woman chooses to submit herself, voluntarily, to a master, it seems to me that is her business, and his business. She would then, of course, be a slave, and would be treated as a slave. One supposes remarkable fulfillments may occur in such an arrangement. It is, of course, important to treat the slave, however uncompromisingly strict you are with her, however much she might fear you, in a humane way, as one would any other animal. Some men, I gather, dislike women, and enjoy hurting them. That makes no sense to me. Women are wonderful, and precious. It is a delight to own one; why would one hurt her? What would be the point of that, mere sadistic pleasure? I think we might distinguish between, say, S/M sex, or sadomasochistic sex, and M/S sex, or Master/Slave Sex. In a sense they seem opposite. Love is important. It is not to be confused with cruelty. Gratuitous cruelty seems to me uncalled for, and ugly, morally and aesthetically. Too, it seems unworthy of a true master. The point is loving and serving, and owning and mastering, not hurting. To be sure, the slave must understand that if she is not pleasing, she is subject to discipline. She is not to be left in doubt that she is a slave. It is easy to avoid discipline; she need only be obedient, submissive, and found pleasing, wholly, and in all ways. Sometimes a slave may desire to be reassured of her bondage. There are many ways in which the master, if he wishes, may see to this. I have written an entire book, the Imaginative Sex book, in which my views on such matters should be reasonably clear."
    ~~ John Norman - io9 profile

a way of being

"Sexuality is not a leisure or part-time activity. It is a way of being."
    ~ Alexander Lowen

quote du jour

“Nothing one does in bed is immoral if it helps to perpetuate love.”
        ~ Gabriel García Márquez

quote du jour

Beauty is an ecstasy; it is as simple as hunger. There is really nothing to be said about it. It is like the perfume of a rose: you can smell it and that is all.

    ~~ W. Somerset Maugham

sacrilegious Sunday

"The Superior now informed me that having taken the black veil, it only remained that I should swear the three oaths customary on becoming a nun; and that some explanation would be necessary from her. I was now, she told me, to have access to every part of the edifice, even the cellar, where two of the sisters were imprisoned for causes that she did not mention. I must be informed that one of my great duties was to obey the priests in all things; and this I soon learnt, to my utter astonishment and horror, was to live in the practice of criminal intercourse with them. I expressed some of the feelings which this announcement excited in me, which came upon me like a flash of lightning; but the only effect was to set her arguing with me, in favour of the crime, representing it as a virtue acceptable to God, and honourable to me. The priests, she said, were not situated like other men, being forbidden to marry; while they lived secluded, laborious, and self-denying lives for our salvation. They might be considered our saviours, as without their service we could not obtain pardon of sin, and must go to hell. Now it was our solemn duty, on withdrawing from the world, to consecrate our lives to religion, to practice every species of self-denial. We could not be too humble, nor mortify our feelings too far; this was to be done by opposing them and acting contrary to them; and what she proposed was, therefore, pleasing in the sight of God. I now felt how foolish I had been to place myself in the power of such persons as were around me."

    ~~ Maria Monk - Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk, or, The Hidden Secrets of a Nun's Life in a Convent Exposed

quote du jour

I found in the pain and even in the shame a blend of sensuality that left me craving rather than fearing to feel it again from the same hand.
    ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Quote of the Day - 7/16/2012

He who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage.
     ~~ Yevgeny Yevtushenko

“How delicious are these implements of torture.”

The Marquis de Sade was a fascinating man, an individual who it could be argued was (and to a great extent still is) greatly misunderstood.  Please enjoy this collection of quotations from the man who's name will forever (for right or wrong) be connected with the word sadism.

Never may an act of possession be exercised upon a free being; the exclusive possession of a woman is no less unjust than the possession of slaves; all men are born free, all have equal rights: never should we lose sight of those principles; according to which never may there be granted to one sex the legitimate right to lay monopolizing hands upon the other, and never may one of the sexes, or classes, arbitrarily possess the other.

All universal moral principles are idle fancies.

'Til the infallibility of human judgements shall have been proved to me, I shall demand the abolition of the penalty of death.

What is more immoral than war?

Your body is the church where Nature asks to be reverenced.

Social order at the expense of liberty is hardly a bargain.

Never lose sight of the fact that all human felicity lies in man's imagination, and that he cannot think to attain it unless he heeds all his caprices. The most fortunate of persons is he who has the most means to satisfy his vagaries.

One must do violence to the object of one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater.

I've already told you: the only way to a woman's heart is along the path of torment. I know none other as sure.

It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.

There is no more lively sensation than that of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of the pleasure women perpetually feign and almost never experience.

They declaim against the passions without bothering to think that it is from their flame philosophy lights its torch.

Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.

The imagination is the spur of delights … all depends upon it, it is the mainspring of everything; now, is it not by means of the imagination one knows joy? Is it not of the imagination that the sharpest pleasures arise?

Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.

Lust's passion will be served; it demands, it militates, it tyrannizes.

In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice.

There are thorns everywhere, but along the path of vice, roses bloom above them.

Nature, who for the perfect maintenance of the laws of her general equilibrium, has sometimes need of vices and sometimes of virtues, inspires now this impulse, now that one, in accordance with what she requires.

Happiness lies neither in vice nor in virtue; but in the manner we appreciate the one and the other, and the choice we make pursuant to our individual organization.

One is never so dangerous when one has no shame, than when one has grown too old to blush.

Woman's destiny is to be wanton, like the bitch, the she-wolf; she must belong to all who claim her.

She had already allowed her delectable lover to pluck that flower which, so different from the rose to which it is nevertheless sometimes compared, has not the same faculty of being reborn each spring.

So long as the laws remain such as they are today, employ some discretion: loud opinion forces us to do so; but in privacy and silence let us compensate ourselves for that cruel chastity we are obliged to display in public.

Lycurgus, Numa, Moses, Jesus Christ, Mohammed, all these great rogues, all these great thought-tyrants, knew how to associate the divinities they fabricated with their own boundless ambition.

The idea of God is the sole wrong for which I cannot forgive mankind

Religions are the cradles of despotism.

To judge from the notions expounded by theologians, one must conclude that God created most men simply with a view to crowding hell.

Prejudice is the sole author of infamies: how many acts are so qualified by an opinion forged out of naught but prejudice!

Any punishment that does not correct, that can merely rouse rebellion in whoever has to endure it, is a piece of gratuitous infamy which makes those who impose it more guilty in the eyes of humanity, good sense and reason, nay a hundred times more guilty than the victim on whom the punishment is inflicted.

It is only by enlarging the scope of one's tastes and one's fantasies, by sacrificing everything to pleasure, that that unfortunate individual called man, thrown despite himself into this sad world, can succeed in gathering a few roses . . .

Wolves which batten upon lambs, lambs consumed by wolves, the strong who immolate the weak, the weak victims of the strong: there you have Nature, there you have her intentions, there you have her scheme: a perpetual action and reaction, a host of vices, a host of virtues, in one word, a perfect equilibrium resulting from the equality of good and evil on earth.

Do not breed. Nothing gives less pleasure than childbearing. Pregnancies are damaging to health, spoil the figure, wither the charms, and it's the cloud of uncertainty forever hanging over these events that darkens a husband's mood.

My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, with the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it; and were it, I'd not do so. This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in life; it alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it composes all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness.

The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much, and laugh at the inevitable.

It is certain that stealing nourishes courage, strength, skill, tact, in a word, all the virtues useful to a republican system and consequently to our own. Lay partiality aside, and answer me: is theft, whose effect is to distribute wealth more evenly, to be branded as a wrong in our day, under our government which aims at equality? Plainly, the answer is no.

In libertinage, nothing is frightful, because everything libertinage suggests is also a natural inspiration; the most extraordinary, the most bizarre acts, those which most arrantly seem to conflict with every law, every human institution... even those that are not frightful, and there is not one amongst them all that cannot be demonstrated within the boundaries of nature.

How delicious are these implements of torture.

something borrowed

Sometimes one comes across the words and just the words speak such volumes, you just have to discover who spoke, or sang them. Please enjoy!



Show me the place where you want your slave to go
Show me the place I’ve forgotten I don’t know
Show me the place for my head is bending low
Show me the place where you want your slave to go

Show me the place help me roll away the stone
Show me the place I can’t move this thing alone
Show me the place where the Word became a man
Show me the place where the suffering began

The troubles came I saved what I could save
A thread of light a particle a wave
But there were chains so I hastened to behave
There were chains so I loved you like a slave

Show me the place where you want your slave to go
Show me the place I’ve forgotten I don’t know
Show me the place for my head is bent and low
Show me the place where you want your slave to go

The troubles came I saved what I could save
A thread of light a particle a wave
But there were chains so I hastened to behave
There were chains so I loved you like a slave

Show me the place
Show me the place
Show me the place

Show me the place help me roll away the stone
Show me the place I can’t move this thing alone
Show me the place where the Word became a man
Show me the place where the suffering began

Leonard Cohen

can males properly internalize submission?

Question
It's very curious how you refer to submissive and slaves exclusively as female. Why is that?AnswerI am breaking my standing policy to answer to anonymous posters but would tell you that in my experience male submissive struggle to internalize how to truly be submissive so I usually post my learnings from the women I have trained…educated along life’s path
    -- Erospainter

While I do get considerable inspiration from the various blogs I follow, it's exceedingly rare that I'd address one directly, let alone address a post simply to contradict and disassemble.  If you don't mind odd little metaphors, it's time to say - this is the exception that proves the rule - whatever that is supposed to mean.

Do male submissives really struggle to become truly submissive?

I do know that male submissives are (generally) a bit different from female submissives.  There's no real surprise there if you stop and think about it, vanilla males and females differ considerable, as do male and female dominants.  Heck, it's not just sexes that differ, every submissive and slave are unique and different, not only in appearance, but also unique in mind and spirit.

I'm not a cookie cutter dominant, I'm not going to try and shape every submissive I play with to fit the same mold.  Each is going to internalize submission in their own way, and an enlightened dominant isn't likely to be rigid in approach.  My preference is adapting to guide each in their own way as that is certainly the most productive path, at least that has been the case in my experience.

With all of that in mind, I do not believe that males are inherently incapable of properly internalizing submission, not at all!

I've seen truly slavish males who would do literally anything to please their Mistress, I've known males who lived every bit as submissively as any woman I've ever met.  The trail they follow to get there is usually different than a female submissive's path, but that in no way changes the end result.

We are all entitled to bad moments, to speaking off hand, not meaning exactly what was typed, not typing exactly what we mean.  I hope that's the case with Erospainter's quote.

When I look at the quote for what it actually says, it's not a sex positive message, it's not a message that's positive in any way to the BDSM community as a whole.  It's said there are actually more male submissives than female out there in the world, looking for a guiding hand and more.

With that in mind Erospainter managed, in a single sentence, to disparage more than half of the submissives in existence.  That's not a good or wise thing to say even if it's qualified by the common apologist phrase used by the prejudiced - "in my experience".

You ain't painting eros when you are insulting and disparaging others out of hand, there you are talking words of a significantly different color.  When I hear ignorance couched in those terms, I really need to advise that somebody needs widen their circle of vision, or their circle of friends.

The BDSM community is not above criticism, far from it. I don't know any community that should totally disregard constructive calls for change.  But there's no sense in tearing others down, there's nothing positive that's going to come of treating half of a community with absolute disregard and dismissal.  We all have our own desires, but by making those desires absolute, by saying that one sex can't do it right, the message becomes absolute and negative.

If somebody asks me about referring to my slave/wife and female slave directly, rather than trying to put things into more gender neutral terms, it's not that difficult a question to answer.  That is my current experience, and it's the majority of my sum experience as a dominant, acting as a dominant for female submissives.

My previous sub/wife and I had a "house boy" for six months, something like 20 years ago.  We also had at least two different male friends that the ex-wife dominated under my direction, never on a regular basis, but at least occasionally.  We corresponded and chatted with a number of others through the years, so while my experiences with and around male submissives isn't greatly extensive, it is a topic I can discuss with at least a little authority, having lived with and hosted a male sub.

But is dealing with a male sub going to be my primary frame of reference?  Not as long as I'm being faithful to my own perspective and experience.  There's just no need to disparage anyone in saying that . . .

You can't spell Buddhism without B, D, S, and M...

    -- donebutwitherrorsonpage (from tumblr)

Paul Collier - composer - scene music

Look after the internal environment, the external environment can do nothing but mirror it.

    --  Paul Collier (composer)

Serafina discovered Paul Collier a couple of years ago via a friend on Facebook who shared a link to his music.  She befriended Paul there on that social networking site, and began to explore his work.

My slave/wife should probably be the one writing this post, as she knows a lot more about Paul than I, but she's busy at work preparing this morning's breakfast to order, pancakes and eggs if you are interested.  Just know, she started the post and delivered the quote, and I stepped in just to complete the whole works.

I know for certain that Paul Collier is an outstanding musician/composer, his releases are excellent for meditation and ambient texture, not to mention Spiritual BDSM scenes.  Serafina tells me he's a brilliant and a visionary artist, not to mention being a good and decent man.

You can accuse me of being shallow, but the thing I find easiest to remember about Mr Collier is his hometown.  He hails from "Stoke on Trent" in the UK, a name guaranteed to generate smirks, snorts and/or giggles from adolescent minded individuals with juvenile senses of humor.  Meaning the guys who read this are likely smirking and some gals might be scowling just a bit . . .

Paul's music feels "ethereal" to me, if I had to choose a singe word descriptive.  He describes himself as:

An unsigned composer of relaxing instrumentals and emotional movie score type music.

Where Paul goes on to describe himself and his music, he says:

My only aim with my music is to help spread peace. Therefore monetary needs fall behind that purpose. You will never see anything upsetting/of an adult nature/violent with my music . . . 

While the personal association of his music with Spiritual BDSM might not be exactly to Paul's personal taste, and certainly what we discuss here is adult and could be upsetting to some individuals who misunderstand the context and goals of our practice, we want to be clear that we are anything but violent.

Bondage and discipline may appear to be "real violence" to the uninitiated, just as children might misinterpret a glance at adult lovemaking as an act of violence.  In both cases, the appearance and the reality of the situation are two completely different things.  I believe Mr Collier would be enlightened enough to understand the subtleties and differences in context, and we do certainly hope that he is not offended by the connection we find with his music and our personal practice of Spiritual BDSM.

As I've stated, Paul Collier's music is generally quieter, and more peaceful, than other scene music I usually recommend.  It's certainly always well suited to be used as a background for starting (warm up) or completing (cool down - aftercare) any kind of BDSM session.

It's also well suited for entire scenes when the intent is to create a peaceful or contemplative mood / environment, and I find it very effective in creating a calm and contemplative mood for a more solemn styles of play.  Paul Collier's music is perfect for those times when our blend of BDSM and Tantra is focused more strongly on the Tantric aspects.

If you prefer music with a hard driving beat to power your BDSM sessions, or if you are looking for something dark, then you likely won't find Collier's music to your taste.  It's never going to inspire visions of vampires, dark rituals, or Gothic dungeons.  His music isn't going to provide a strong rhythm for a flogging, or even a powerful fucking.

What Paul Collier's music is going to provide is soft, contemplative and often uplifting.  Looking to feel, or make your submissive feel, as though they are floating on a cloud in a dream?  Then look no further!  Want to hold your lover tight in your arms and drift off to sleep after an extended flogging, floating on the music and your own wave of endorphins?  This is the stuff.

Here are a number of links where our friends and readers can learn more about Paul and explore his music for themselves:

Paul Collier's Website
About Paul Collier
Paul Collier You Tube
Free Paul Collier Music
Paul Collier Downloads
Paul Collier Facebook

DISCLAIMER - SpiritualBDSM.com and it's owners (Michael Samadhi and Serafina Samadhi) are not associated or affiliated with Paul Collier in any manner.  We have not received any compensation or consideration in return for this posting.

I want to do with you
What spring does
With the cherry trees. 

    -- Pablo Neruda