prt-6 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On Self-Destructive behavior

Some people really have a longing for external correction and if it is not supplied to us as a child, or perhaps if it was imposed on us by overbearing adults we may we have a very real need of those boundaries as adults. And some of those adults can not even bring themselves to discipline their own children by brute methods but still feel the need to be “spanked” emotionally

I-74 Bridge Mississippi
photo by Serafina

I can understand the self-spanking thing as a child but why if you don't think that spanking is appropriate for your children . . . why then would you wish to require another adult to be responsible to discipline you for your short-comings? . . . and where do you then draw the line in the sand about determining if it was a prolonged form of assault or just some marital bedroom play.

just a thought. . .if you felt the need to want to spank yourself back as a child was that because you thought that there was a need for the naughty consequence? and was it there because your parent was inconsistent and in your purer state of mind there was some of that need for consistency factored in by any chance?

I think of God as my Father. he is loving and kind. Like most parents on earth he is patient and he eagerly looks for things that indicate proper development of each child, to learn, to gain in stature and strength, to explore his likes. I have never met a parent who hovers over his child just to "catch him in the act" so that he could met out punishment, and yet so many think of God sets traps for us and is wanting to punish. . . and that simply is not true.

Daffodil
photo by Serafina

A human being when he first arrives into this world has need to be completely controlled, because left to his own, they will perish. so we diaper him and feed him bath all the rest, but we do expect that some time soon he will begin to feed himself, walk, talk and even learn bladder and bowel self control. We expect them to learn how to take responsibility and become self-disciplined.

For me I do not need another fellow adult to assume responsibility to make me a better person. . at least not yet. . .and I am not responsible for the behavior of some other adult either, so I do not have to change anyone but myself. So I am what I am and I am fully responsible for me. Now I can ask someone to assist me, by reminders and maybe even incorporate that into play events, but never as a means for discipline!

Some. in regard to the parent - child scenario, don't have children. . . .and they role play in this regard. They tend to view it as an example as if a child is punished for misbehaving or not following the parents rules, so should a wife be. If punishment was always a deterrent for them as a child so they feel it should work as an adult. Unfortunately, if husband does not punish, their infractions are more frequent. Therefore they are hopeful that someone will help them to be more obedient. They seem to try to locate a place where there are a concrete set of rules to follow.

You see, I am so opposite of that kind thinking. That does not mean that either

of us is more correct. . . it is simple the way I understand . . let me explain. . .Marriage and relationships are built in an adult world. . . adults even supervise young children's relationships. . . .therefor a spouse would not dare to punish me for any infraction in my world. . .UNLESS it is strictly play

I am responsible for ME!

I am not responsible for my partner nor my friends much less acquaintances.. . . and I am pretty sure that no one is going to force you to

do anything. . . because in the end YOU! . . my dear are going to take responsibility for YOU!  In the end we all have to grow up!! It is called LIFE and learning to be submissive and and in that the submissive one holds all the power.

However how does one reach this level of submission?  That is the Million dollar question with a 5 cent answer. . .

You become completely responsible and be accountable to yourself, for yourself, by yourself. . . .how? . . .by practicing being the very best woman you can be. . .by being upright and trust-worthy in every aspect. . .

Of course some areas will require a lot of work and some areas may come naturally. . . let go of what is not important, and decide who/what really matters. . . don't forget to allow time for play and have fun, but realize even that is a type of work, or it can be,

because some of us don't know how to relax.

It likely won't be real easy. . . because breaking old habits can be difficult. . . but if you can refocus upon a new one and earn it for yourself, you begin to feel more accomplished and as you feel fulfilled, you begin to reach towards more of the same. . .

Now . . .when you are on such a journey you become more desirable and attract people. . .  what we are looking for,  is someone who who is like-minded and wants someone to mirror and complete them and you both.  Don't settle for less.  You deserve the best.

Submission is simple really. . . it is a meshing and dance that allows each of you your unique and separate identity by allowing him to take the role of leadership.  Within  that relationship you are each others primary concern and well-being.

Submission is very much like the old Swiss-made clocks. Inside you will see many little gears and springs, each doing the job they are designed to do. . . imagine what would happen is one of those parts were to get selfish and demand that other parts pick up and take over for them one day, because they just wanted to, or they thought they were far superior to all the rest?. . .

Even a King Pin holding it all together is nothing if he doesn't do his part . . or if he has nothing to hold together!

photo by Serafina

It will take you all the rest of your life to work it out. . . because as soon as you have something under your ownership another project will appear. . . not that you even work on one thing at any time. . . but you certainly have the ability to work on specifics.  Always watch over every aspect and be aware that in the areas we are confident in as being strong may become a point of vulnerability.  Then attacks there will be surprising, but if you focus too much on fixing and working on weaker points, the attacks and wear can buckle those strong areas.

So there ya go. . . you make the rules . . . or you can abdicate your power and let someone else hold you to the fire who might be some person with dysfunctional behavior. . . we all have choices. . .and so we better make them clearly.

I am aware that not everyone will agree with me.

What think you?  What is your experience?

prt-5 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

On morals and ethics concerning triads, and whether we own our partners issues

I disagree about his issues being mine. . .because, . . I own my issues. . .and I make up my mind because I have choices. . . now that may mean I forfeit my preferences to honor him. . .once done, however it would be preferred to stay the course. . .therefore I advise make  choices very carefully and responsibly. . .

Now having said that I can share with you the way Master and I met would have turned religious people upside down in aghast!! . . .lol!!

I was actually proposed to by Masters now  former wife. . . to come into the relationship as a triad contract. . .unfortunately for her  jealousy set in.

turns out that she and Master have always had a very conflicted relationship and her instability could not be satisfied by anything Master accommodated for her. . . 

photo by Serafina

I am very much a Christian Believer and consequently I had to do a lot of introspect in needing to stand before the Creator in good conscientiousness. . .You realize that even in the time that Jesus walked this earth, that multiple wives was still very much the custom and it was continued for some time after. . . which is  why was it necessary for Timothy to teach that. . .

(1Ti 3:2) A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach
and it was Paul who advocated
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

He was aware that relationships require effort, time and work. . .especially if they wanted to share the ministry, and Paul was happy to have no domestic attachments. . .so from that I was also very aware that multiple wives were common all throughout the old Testament. . .and not even the ten commandments do not address the issue. . .

However Master and I are very satisfied and just do not want or need the extra fuss and energy other than for one another. . .and that we hold very close to our hearts

Not all are created equally

My advice is to chose wisely and very carefully. I mean that his moods and feeling and challenges impact me and our lives together. He can't have a major issue  that I would not be affected; even if he does not share his problems with me.

His issues do affect me, and likewise mine affect him also. . . in a commitment sharing means caring. . . but here's the thing. . . .if you say: that a part of his issue becomes mine and it is a commitment on my part to support all of his needs which can include what he may struggle with.”

I would respond that to do that there has to be total and complete trust for each of you. . . if there are questions. . . and I hear you wondering, and . . . he may have questioned your intents also . . . that tells me that there is not a total trust just yet. . . see if you can dialogue thru that. . . but please do it with a sweet serene disposition. . . and with eyes and heart wide open. . . and I wish you peace and wisdom.

photo by Serafina

Someone shared: “ . . . it made me happy to hear Him say that. He has accepted my gift of submission exclusive to Him. And i realize that i am no longer a wife wanting to submit to her husband. i am a submissive wife. i have a lot to learn and improve upon, but fresh submission is still valuable. Wee! i feel giddy! ^_^”

. . . what is stated here is a very great place to start. . . now it would be prudent  to continue keeping your house in order, and making your children your children mind, is the greatest gift you can offer. . .

Many folks think that being a submissive is something that is concrete rather than something that is abstract . . . (see the adjective descriptions.)  Yet, ironically it is the abstract that becomes something concrete! . . let me explain by showing what happened to you.

You realize that submission first is a state of being and then actions follow that recognition . . ie you got the love, and compassion for you husband etc. All of it begins in your heart and flows forth from there. Many days it may not feel that special, in fact many times it might even feel like the old grungy days and nothing more but what has changed is you hold the reins of your heart and you keep in check those actions that are detrimental to your chosen station in life.

So how do you begin? with baby steps, and simply one step at a time!

as you become aware, you incorporate another concept and translate those into actions. . . and yeah! it is easy to say and takes a life-time to achieve.

The reward is the satisfaction you have for being at peace within and accepting whatever life throws at you no matter if you wanted them in the first place. I don't know of any one ever signed up to be caregivers of difficult and aging parents, or all the myriads of life appointment's and frustrations but most of us are given such a task at some point or other anyway. We need to be at peace with that, . . even if it may have turned your life up-side-down

Adj. 1. concrete - capable of being perceived by the senses; not abstract or imaginary; "concrete objects such as trees" real, existent - being or occurring in fact or actuality; having verified existence; not illusory; "real objects"; "real people; not ghosts"; "a film based on real life"; "a real illness"; "real humility"; "Life is real! Life is earnest!"- Longfellow tangible, touchable - perceptible by the senses especially the sense of touch; "skin with a tangible roughness"

adj. 1. abstract - existing only in the mind; separated from embodiment; "abstract words like `truth' and `justice'"-. Considered apart from concrete existence: an abstract concept. - Difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract philosophical problems. - Thought of or stated without reference to a specific instance: abstract words like truth and justice. - Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation: abstract painting and sculpture.

vendor - Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys

Adam and Gillian just celebrated their 25th anniversary as a business serving the BDSM community, so it seems appropiate to join them in their celebration by revisiting this post from when the SpiritualBDSM.com blog was just getting off it's feet.  Please note that no compensation or consideration was exchanged in return for this review, I've purchased every listed item here just the same as any other customer.  In fact, I just made three new purchases:

Our Crop by Adam and Gillian

DeLuxe Cane
The Valentine
Our Crop


It's my 2nd purchase of their DeLuxe Cane, the first was of medium thickness, this one will be thinner.  I had a friend who purchased The Valentine years ago at my recommendation, it's a beautiful tool for breast and genital flogging, but I'd never indulged myself in purchasing one for my own collection before now.  Adam and Gillian's Our Crop will not be the first riding crop in my toy collection, but without a doubt it will be my best!


Finally, please note that all images associated with this particular post are copyrighted and are property of Adam and Gillian.

Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys

makers of high quality "implements of instruction"

For something like twenty years now, Adam and Gillian's Sensual Whips and Toys have been my favorite makers of floggers, cats, straps, paddles, canes; not to mention a nice range of other exciting toys for BDSM . . .

I had to stop and think about that opening line for a second, twenty years is a long long time!  Some of the younger kinksters I follow on tumblr are just a year or two shy of that two decade mark.  My previous marriage ended just shy of twenty years in length.  So, when I do stop and think about it, that's an exceptionally long time to have a relationship with any one vendor or toy maker.

Bullwinkle the Moose

I've never met Adam and Gillian in person, but I used to call their workshop and speak personally to Gillian with each order I placed.  I've had just enough contact through the years that they feel like friends.  I find it easier to email my orders into their shop now, but I already know what I want long before my order is placed.  If you have questions or want to place an order yourself, I know you're still welcome to call and talk to them personally.

That's probably a good thing too, because the incredible variety of offerings that come from Adam and Gillian's workshop are probably a bit overwhelming to an absolute neophyte to the world of floggings and corporal punishment.  Whatever your taste or interest, it's pretty likely you can find something you'll like here.

basic floggers from mini to super

The first really nice flogger I bought myself was made by Adam, so that seems to be a good place to begin a discussion of this wonderful couple's offerings.  There's a flogger here for every taste and price range, I can almost certainly guarantee.  For a kinkster in a budget, for instance, it's really hard to beat Adam and Gillian's line of basic floggers.  

A Mini Basic flogger is only $20 and the Super Basic is just $30, so these are an exceptional way to get started learning about the different sensations various flogger materials can create.  They come in a wide range of materials including: Deer (Sensual), Moose (Gentle), Nylon (Moderate), Leather (Moderate), Suede (Moderate), or Rubber (Serious).

I've never purchase one of these basic floggers myself, as I have expensive taste and really like Adam's "signature" handles, but I've had friends who purchased them, I've seen and handled and used the basics and can vouch for their beautiful utility.  I always suggest a deerskin flogger for newbies, it truly is a sensual flogger.  

The Lord (nylon tresses)

I've always been a sucker for their premium flogger offerings.  Adam and Gillians finer flogger offerings come with a much more ornate handle and are much fancier and more finely finished over all.  The range of floggers I've collected over the years from these folks is fairly impressive, it includes:

Bambi's Revenge

Bullwinkle the Moose

The Lord

Bambi's Revenge (deerskin tresses)

Flying Clydesdale

Flying Linguini

Scorpion

The flogger list I just shared includes a wide variety of sensations, the deerskin tresses of Bambi's Revenge are all sound and no fury.  The Scorpion, with 9 thin round neoprene tresses is the exact opposite, it can mark and bruise.

Also found in my collection of gear purchased from Adam and Gillian are two creations that are a technically considered singletail whips of a sort.  Adam calls them The Whipsicles.  I have the:

Brass Whipsicle

Wood Whipsicle

Brass Whipsicle from Adam and Gillian

The Whipsicles are very mild as single tails go.  My Brass Whipsicle is made with deerskin, it's actually gentle enough to use with some care on breasts and genitals.  The Wood Whipsicle I own is made with Moosehide, it's a bit more serious, but still nothing too serious if compared to a proper stockwhip or bullwhip.

Middle Brother

I'm also an aficionado of Adam's wide selection of straps and slappers.  Among the widely varied offerings found on Adam and Gillian's website to be found in my toybag:

Big Foot

Li'l Bro

Middle Brother

Slick Slim

Pocket Paddle™

Big Foot

Scrap Strap

Rubber Scrap Strap

The Scrap Strap and Rubber Scrap Strap are both bargain offerings that offer good value for beginners just getting started with impact play and corporal punishment.

As can be seen from the illustrations I've attached from Adam and Gillian's website, the straps and paddles they offer are truly beautifully made and handsome in appearance.

Believe it or not, that's still not everything I own from these folks!

DeLuxe Cane from Adam and Gillian

They are also cane makers.  Within the category of "canes and rods" I own:

The Maestro

DeLuxe Cane

DeLuxe Cane "Seconds" (x2 - one thick and one thin)

DeLuxe Cane handle detail

And still there are a number of miscellaneous items I've picked up from Adam and Gillian through the years:

Foxy Loxy w/ Claw

Foxy Loxy with a Claw

Suckerfish™

Silverado’s Clips

Kong Clamps

Gillian’s Grippers

Titty Tower

Beverly’s Crushers

I guess I'm a good BDSM consumer.  

I mean wow . . . When I look at that listing of items I've purchased through the years from Adam and Gillian, I almost go into overload.  There are a lot of toys there.  

the Titty Tower

They all get used too!  In the end, you can have all the toys in the world, but if they just sit wasting on a shelf unused, your time and precious money has been wasted.  

The only things on the list that haven't already had regular use are the 3 rattan canes and the Clawed Foxy Loxy.  The story of the canes is already documented here, Serafina's first real caning will happen this weekend.  And that will be my cue to bring out the Clawed Fox tail, I've been waiting to run it back and forth over my slave/wife's welted behind when her caning is complete.

I am so truly blessed in so many ways, to have such a wonderful collection of toys, and to have captivated such a beautifully sexy slave/wife who gets turned on when I use them on her.  Like the line that was used in the movie Field of Dreams, I should ask, "Is this Heaven?"  

The answer's still the same, "No, it's Iowa."

Greetings, Earthlings

Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

...The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.

The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.'

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.

Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'

The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.'

'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.

'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?'

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.'

~~ From the "I fucking love science" page on Facebook.

prt-4 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

O Depression!

Did you know BTW, that all depression is rooted in some kind of anger. . . that is what I was taught in a women's issues support group. That statement hit me like an avalanche . . and has given me a new perspective and a need to self evaluate. . . if I feel depressed- what am I angry about?

Sometimes depression can also be triggered by insufficient light . . hang in there- the days are getting longer. . . . (you might have SADs)

try are remember that altogether too soon the little ones will not be little anymore. . . and fly away. . .

Oh how I wish I could go back and redo the time I did not spend with them and spend what I did differently-- more quality and purposeful. . .

Purposeful I think is the key. . . if I only knew then what I know so fully now. . . maybe, just maybe I could have things better now. . .

Hope
photo by Serafina

Take any opportunity to build memories. . . do not make the mistake of thinking that this is a waste of time, or any other if onlys, or that you would be any happier doing any other thing. . . .

NO!! this is the most important time of your life. . . Grasp it with ALL YOUR MIGHT!!

Some might argue

“Humans, though, are creatures of habit and I often find my thoughts returning to the other way of thinking. . . .It is just so damn draining!

I know rewards are coming.... can someone give me an arrival date?! I can work to a deadline!!”

yes. . . and no unfortunately. . . all I can really tell you is that life is so thin. . . and fragile. . . . while I was so mad at my oldest son for leaving the way he did, and choosing poorly. . . I was afraid . . .more afraid than angry . .

and 1 Am one Monday a policeman knock at our door and asked if we knew the person whose driver's license he was carrying . . which we immediately recognized. . . he just said "sorry. . . he was just killed. . . mowed down by drinking, speeding car, etc". . .

I do not want to sound morbid. . but the short version is. . . I lost it all. . .a marriage of 34 years. . and the remaining three children are horribly alienated. . . and there is not a thing I can do about it. . . but maybe if I can help another. . . maybe there can be something to redeem, then.

On Having a Grateful Heart

Perhaps if you choose to not dwell on how restricted, trapped, bored, stressed, (you fill in any other here),you feel,. . . then instead . . . . verbally give thanks to God, G_D, Creator, Abba Allah,or whatever name you call him, in appreciation of what all you have now and to accept and appreciate,

If every time you are prone to grumbling, begin to give thanks for so many things. . . I used to tell my youth group how every Jewish person says about 49 or more "barucha's (Thank-yous and blessings) in a day. . . they always respond with appreciation. . .and I would ask them what things they might think of to give thanks for. I get many creative answers, like food, shelter, clothes, health, things, things and more things.

I then ask them if they could pray and give thanks while they are showering, . . well yes- they can be clean and have clean hot water, etc And I pump them for more things they could be more grateful for each day.

Finally, I ask if they could give thanks for peeing. . .always elicits giggles. . but makes a good point. If we look there are many reasons to give thanks in and for almost everything. . . 

because I can guarantee that if your kidneys fail, you would soon be asking publicly for prayer. . so giving thanks for peeing is quite logical now.

Finally. . .submitting to depression,  is a choice  . . a choice you make to give or withhold.

1976 redux

this might be why I'm a pervert

1976 was a milestone year.  It was the 200th birthday of the United States, it was the year I lost my virginity in a furtive foray behind a chicken coop, and it also marked the first time I managed to get my hands on a copy of Penthouse magazine.  From time to time a copy of Playboy might have been found in our home, but that magazine never garnered my interest the way it's kinkier competitor, Penthouse managed to attract me.

Playboy was hot, but Penthouse was a fucking revelation.

Not only were the picture spreads more to my taste, featuring fetish imagery that's still appealing to me today, but there were also letters.  I'll be very honest, Penthouse letters fueled my adolescent jack off sessions.

As an only child it wasn't too terribly difficult to find pretty regular alone time, so I had a luxury many other didn't enjoy, I was able to take my time.  My personal ritual was to warm up with the pictures, followed by some seriously rapt attention to the prose, which never failed to bring on an eventual climax.  Penthouse letters was where I learned that I wasn't alone in fantasizing about bondage and discipline.

It was a revelation to discover that the old magazines I used to enjoy as a youth are still appreciated and discussed today at a site called The Seduction of Venus, where I discovered a post devoted to the very first fetish photo spread I can remember encountering, My Funny Valentine by Stan Malinowski.

While the photos are a little on the tame side compared to what one finds online today, they were rather racy for their day, and they did have an influence on my sexuality and desires that still holds true today.  There's no escaping that fetish and BDSM fuel my desires, and that this pictorial (along with others that were similar) influenced the sexual evolution that brought me to today . . .

prt-3 How To Become a Submissive- if you don't think you are yet

Submission like Love is a Choice

a choice you make to give or withhold

a choice we make daily and from moment to moment.

If there is love and respect . . love, commitment and submission will flow.

When respect moves out so will love and there is no submission in that. . . so you either have it and it grows in understanding, or you can be open and engage as . . . . and when you are ready

But now we are moving into the true areas of submission --submission of the soul. Scary stuff!

If there is trust. . . and I certainly do NOT :!: mean blind, untested trust. . . you can let it happen. . .that is all :|

if there is a viable seed it will grow and live and continue unless some event plucks it. . . if carefully tended it may well bloom and bear fruit!

are we not like seeds :?: and plants :?:

Now my husband orders for me at restaurants all the time, but i feel loved and protected when he does so, but he always asks me what I like!! I am guessing you have the same. . . and yes those actions make me feel like I belong and safe. . . security that arises from full trust and confidence in him.

That is the difference that people are seeing here, and anything that is birthed from fear or forced obligation is not submission at all . . . it is subjection. another word could be slavery.

It is one thing to be a love-slave for someone and quite another to be a slave of which the definition is

Noun
1. a person legally owned by another for whom he or she has to work without freedom, pay, or rights
2. a person under the domination of another or of some habit or influence: a slave to party doctrine
3. Informal a badly-paid person doing menial tasks

I fully give myself to Master Michael.  I love him with all my heart, soul and thought.  Everything I do and am revolves first around Master. Beyond that I find some things I enjoy on my own when and if there is time and energy.  I come second.  However I also know that I come first in Master's mind.  It works!